There Are Some Depraved People In the World

There are things I don’t want to contemplate. I, because of this blog and my stand for Z, have learned about depravity.

I’m not talking about being gay. I’m talking about the “anti’s”.

In their mind, someone could “screw” her straight. They could,also, use something called “conversion therapy”. I’ve found out that conversion therapy involves, among other things, electrical shock. What kind of depraved barbarian would want to do those kinds of things to someone they, allegedly, love? Who, in their right mind, would presume to think that inflicting an act on an other that is repugnant to that person would influence them to change? Where is the logic that says torture is a good thing? The worst part is that they think they would do it in the name of God. I am a Christian. No where have I found that it says that doing these unspeakable acts to an other is within the will of God.

I don’t want Z to change. She’s fine just the way she is. Why, outside the context here, would her being gay have any affect on my life? The only reason it is of any importance at all to me is because I spend time defending her right to be the way God created her to be. She’s not perfect. She’s human. Capable of love, hate, anger and happiness. Being gay wasn’t a decision she made and no amount of hurt can undo it. Being gay is also not an imperfection. It merely means that she and I are attracted to the same gender.

I don’t know what else to say. I am angered  by what some people would contemplate doing to my friend. I wish that I had never learned that people would even contemplate, much less, act on those ideas. I think that there are people that spend too much time worrying about other people’s sexuality and not enough time on their own lives.

I wish there was a way to un-know about this. I don’t ever want to think about someone wanting to hurt my friend. Some people are depraved. Z is not one of them.

Stats Don’t Matter

I have a weakness. I read the stats on the blog. I look to see if anyone “likes” a post. I check to see if anyone reads a post. I hope for a comment.

I miss the point. It really isn’t about numbers, likes, or comments.

It is about Z. It is about you.

If one person reads a post, that’s enough. If no one reads it, I tried. The point isn’t to get numbers. It is to support Z. It is to tell a reader that you are not alone. It is to stand up and say “the way you are treating my friend is wrong and that has to stop”. The point is to say “equal is equal. Period.” The point is to say that marriage equality is not “extra” privilege but, equal protection.

The point is to try to persuade that hate hurts the hater worse than it hurts the hated one. The point is to try to convince or cajole those that would fear into changing their fears. The idea is to let them know that homophobia discounts the person and hates a label.

The point is to help people see that there’s nothing to fear from love. To teach them that the form might be different but, the base is the same. That it doesn’t matter how you love as long as you do love.

It is also for me. If I’m the only one that ever reads them that, too, is enough. That I have to write something and expand my own capacity and creativity is enough. That, every day, I try to find a new way to spread the same message. That I get to talk about my friend and keep my promise. That, for this moment, I get to build someone up. That is enough.

If you do read this, Thank you. If you comment or like, again, thanks. Yeah, I’ll look at the numbers but, I’ll keep reminding myself that touching one person is enough.

Maybe I’m Stupid

Maybe I’m just stupid.

I am not smart enough to be able to understand hate. I can not figure out why someone would fear an other person that means them no harm.

I can not figure out why someone would not love having Z in their world. I don’t get the idea that she is a threat to them. I don’t want to know why someone wouldn’t rather have her in their world than to exclude her and, by doing that, diminish themselves.

Why be exclusionary? Why reduce a complex human to a simplistic prejudice because of one aspect of their whole being?

What basis to call someone “perversion” or “abomination” without realizing that, to them, the same applies to US?

What basis for saying that my friend wants everyone to be like her? She doesn’t. She’s unique, as are all the humans in the world.

Why say there’s a “gay agenda” without also saying that they have a “straight agenda”?

It seems that the ones wanting to convert the world to their views and perspectives aren’t my gay friends but, my “militant straight” friends. Why assign that motive, without recognizing their own?

Maybe I’m stupid. If stupidity is taking my friends as they come and loving them for who they are and the “content of their character”, then I want to remain stupid.


I said in the previous post I would talk to the homophobic guy at work. If it happens today, I’ll make a follow up post. If not, some chance will happen and I’ll update and post when it does. Work can sometimes be very hectic.

Why Be Homophobic?

I overheard a coworker saying he was homophobic and was proud of it. I’m sorry to say I didn’t have time to call him on it. *sigh* There will be an other chance. What I don’t get is, why brag about something like that?

Where is the virtue in having an unfounded hate for someone you don’t know. What does it gain to think you’re better than someone else?

It is my privilege to be a friend of Z’s. I am a lucky man to have such a strong woman as a friend. I don’t love the person she is BECAUSE she’s gay. It doesn’t signify one way or the other. Having said that, if I were homophobic I would not have her for a friend. That would be my loss.

Perhaps I’m naive. Maybe I just don’t get it. How do people think they are “better” because they weren’t born gay? What is the rational argument for it? Why not relate to someone based on the “content of their character?”

Tomorrow, I’ll be working with the guy. I’ll ask him. I suspect I will not, knowing him, get a rational answer. I have to try. I owe it to Z and myself.


*I get stuck on a train of thought and it lingers around. This is kind of one of those.*

I freely admit my bias. I’ve done it in multiple posts. I was contemplating the nature of it.

We all have bias toward or against an issue or a person. I will be the first to tell you that my bias toward marriage equality is because of Z and some other family/friends. I would also be the first to tell you that my bias toward equal protection is because of Z. I don’t think that lessens my desire to see it for everyone. It merely makes my passion stronger.

I don’t think that bias is a bad thing as long as I recognize it for what it is. If I know that an issue is going to bump into it, I can recognize it for what it is and attempt to see through it. I will also admit that my personal bias has caused me to skew my beliefs. If I think that something I used to believe is in conflict with something I support, I am willing to adapt my views to fit my bias.

Sometimes, on the other hand, I see my bias against something and have to see through it to be able to find reason. That, too, is part of the process.


I wrote that earlier. I have had time to think about it. When bias gives you a basis to support someone or something, I think it is better than being “anti”. In my mind, it’s what you are willing to stand in favor of that counts. An example is that I have taken a stand in favor of my friend Z and her rights. That stand is one that builds up her. Life, in my mind, is a growth process. Hard to grow when you are constantly tearing down.

All in all, I LIKE my bias. I have embraced a friend and enjoy her friendship. I think that there are far worse things than to support her, even if I don’t do things the way she does. If it means that I judge the world and it’s views through my own subjective views, so be it. Friendship is not always rational. Bias is not always rational. Loving a friend is definitely not rational. So what? I will always be for the ones I love.

I hope this has made sense.

A Sample of One or, Are You Possessed ?

My sample size is skewed. When I write these, and I need input, I only ask one person. I know that includes bias. That’s fine with me. I freely admit bias. My perspective is biased toward Z. If it is good for her, I’m for it. if it affects her negatively, I’m against it. That doesn’t mean that I don’t think less of MY family, Sweety and me. It’s just that the social inequality that I write about doesn’t affect, directly, our marriage.

When I have a question about how it feels, I don’t want some poll made up of strangers. Why would I? Why shouldn’t I go to the person I write for and about? When I think about how lives are affected, the lives I am most concerned about are the lives of the people I care about. This truly is personal. That’s, in my mind, for the best. A sample size of one provides clarity. In the current iteration of this blog, that’s all that’s needed. Since it is for and about Z first, why should the size be greater. Since my perspective, as the author, is skewed towards her, that’s the only input I want.

Speaking of input, I read an article today and some guy, Gordon Klingenschmitt, said that Z was possessed by a “demonic spirit”. I asked Z. She isn’t. I didn’t think so. If she were, why would she pray for me when I ask. Why would I feel comfortable enough to go to her and why would she ask me to pray for her? That stuff kind of disqualifies the whole demon thing.

See why I only need a sample size of one? If I can’t trust Z, who can I trust? So, you can keep your Gallup Polls. I’ll keep my Z-Poll. I like my polls better anyway. I trust her to tell me the truth. Kind of hard to skew the numbers when it is only one.

Gotta add this, how many other people do you know that you can ask “are you possessed by a demon?” and get an answer without even a twitch? *grins*

It Isn’t About Sex…It’s About Love


It is very simple. My friend, Z, is human. Human Rights are for all humans. It shouldn’t ever matter if the humans are gay humans or straight humans. We are all human.

I’ll be blunt, if a female human loves an other female human, they should be given the same rights as I have. If a male human loves a male human, they, too, deserve the same rights. They earned them by simply being human. It seems far worse for a straight couple to have married for money or status than a gay couple to have married for love. In fact, marrying for love is the only legitimate reason to marry that I know.

*Eff bomb warning*

I don’t care who you fuck. Marriage isn’t about sex. It’s about being in love. Lust isn’t the same. Fools mistake the two. When society decides that we have the right to say that being straight isn’t about sex but, that’s all that being gay is about, we’ve mistaken lust for love.

When we deny the basic right to not be questioned about the validity of their love, it is not the fault of the lovers. It is the fault of society. When we make a human a second class citizen based on who they have sex with, it is the fault of society. Period.

Z did not do any thing wrong. Yet, it is “acceptable” to say that who she is attracted to is enough to degrade her rights as a citizen. That is wrong. She committed no criminal act. She has, by her actions, earned the respect that she should be given, yet, she is not treated with that respect because of who she sleeps with. Why is it any of our business? How did she earn that disregard?

I still don’t get it. It seems the height of arrogance for me to determine the validity of love. It seems worse that I should have the ability to vote on the validity of an other person’s love and deny them rights based on what I see. I can not know what is in their heart. I should not have the ability to pass laws deciding what rights they have based on my perception of that. *editorial, I KNOW I am repeating myself.* I’ll be glad of the day when it is no longer “marriage equality” and merely “marriage”.  I’ll be doing my happy dance when society doesn’t treat Z as “Gay Sarah” and looks at her as Z. The haters will still hate and the lovers won’t care if they do. *sigh*

Some Thoughts…

Some thoughts…

I don’t know why Z is such a patriot in a country that treats her like a second class citizen. I admire her for it.

Why do we not tax Z at a lower rate since she doesn’t have access to the same privileges that I do? It seems to me that she should get a discount.

Why do people think that marriage equality threatens their marriage and don’t think the same about Elizabeth Taylor?

I had a gentleman call me “noble” for defending Z. I don’t think of myself that way. I am her friend. That is enough reason for me.

Today is just this collection of thoughts. If you guys have any others, please share them with me.

My Christianity

I am a heretic. The word can be defined as “free thinker”. I describe my faith as Heretic Christian. Let me try to clarify.

*I believe that God is sovereign.

* I believe that we are created in His Image. I do not believe that He created junk. That people are the way they are because of His Design. I believe that the way we love and how we go about it are part of His design. Yes, to be perfectly clear, I believe that some people were created gay and had He not wanted them to be He would have made them different.  Also, to be clear, I do not mean the phrase “the way we love and how we go about it” is in any way to excuse crimes against children or adults.

*I believe, related to the above, that because we all female, male, gay, and straight were created in His Image, we all deserve the respect of being His Creations. That Human Rights transcend religious dogma.

*I believe that people are put in our lives for a purpose. We don’t always know what that purpose is. It might not even be for us but, for someone else outside of our lives to see.

*I believe that we are small and God is big. That is less simplistic than it sounds. I mean to say, I have less chance of understanding the Mind of God than an ant does Shakespeare.

*I believe that Christianity is a faith of love, not one of hate or repression. I think that, when it is used as such, it is not Christianity.

*I believe that, when the Bible contradicts itself my default position becomes  the words of Jesus. I think that the Cannon of Scripture is a man made construct. That the Cannon has been changed and adapted several times but, the Gospels remain.

*I believe that sin is personal. That what is sin for me might not be for someone else. That, outside of criminal actions, it is not my place to say what is sin in your life. I believe that it is an act of rebellion. Being straight or gay is being the way you were created. You can not rebel against how He made you. *editorial, Yes, I am adamant on that point. You will never see me condemning my gay friends for being themselves*

*I believe that it is not my place to judge the condition of someone else’s soul. You will never hear the phrase “(blank) is going to Hell” from me. That is for God alone to decide.

*I believe that faith is deeply personal and that it is not my place to judge the faith of someone else. I may not understand it but, that doesn’t mean I have to. It is their faith, not mine. *editorial, Yes, you read this correctly, I just did NOT consign my Pagan friends to Hell. What might, or might not, happen is between them and God*


I wanted to do some more clearing the air, today. I have said that I am Christian in this blog. I wanted to give some context to that. It also helps me to write this out. It clears my mind, too. I do not ask, or expect, anyone to believe as I do. This is only the way my faith works,

My “Flat Sides” or Who I Am

I haven’t written one of these in a long, I think, time. Guess I want this stuff out of my head. In the words of my father “everyone has their flat sides”. Here are mine…

I try to be polite here. There are days that “polite” is not a word anyone, except customers, would use to describe me. Sometimes, the word I use most often starts with an eff.

I have “political” views. I don’t, to the best of my ability, let them out on this page. I don’t want anyone to write off Human Rights as a Liberal, Conservative, or Libertarian issue so, I do my best not to let you know how I might vote or what my views on any other issue might be. Please don’t ask. If you want to know, look me up on Facebook and send a friend request.

I have my “monsters”. I’m a meth “survivor”. After 8 1/2 years clean, it still terrifies me. As a result, I don’t drink because, if I started, I’d have given myself permission for all the rest. Z helps with that. When my monsters try to crawl out, I ask her to pray for me. My wife helps, too. I will not risk her loss by relapse. Still, it scares me.

Related to that last, I have little tolerance for people that make excuses or act like a victim of their own actions. There are very few “true” victims in this country. A victim is someone that has something inflicted on them by an other person. A victim is not someone that is an addict of any substance or behavior. *editorial, In my opinion, being gay is NOT a behavior* I don’t blame anyone else for what I did and hold others to the same standard. It doesn’t work. *sigh*

I fight a tendency to be a bully. Not a physical one, if you knew me, you’d know why. I’m tall and skinny as hell. My problem is that I can be a mental bully. I know it. It is hard for me to keep from picking on someone that, I think, is doing something stupid or lazy. When encouraging doesn’t work on them, I turn into a total jerk.

I am lazy, too. It expresses itself by overcompensation. I bust my tail because I KNOW I’d rather be doing nothing.

I am biased. I know that Z isn’t perfect. *sorry Z* I also know that I don’t really care. She’s my friend and I refuse to let myself see her as anything but perfect. Same for my wife. I will ALWAYS be on their sides, even if I think they’re wrong about something. I apply that bias to issues. Something might be logically different than the way I want it to be but, if it affects someone I love, I’ll take their side and damn logic.

This blog is not as altruistic is it seems. Part of the definition of that word is “selfless”. I really do write for Z. I am selfish. I want good things for my friend. I want them for my family. I worry that I would have not been part of the Civil Rights Movement 50 years ago because it wouldn’t have been personal. This time it is personal, as a result, I write. Sure, it is to help others but, in the end, it is for Z.

I struggle with my faith. I am Christian. Yet, there are times I’m filled with doubt and fear. There are times that I wonder if my path is correct and my beliefs valid. I also struggle with the contradictions in the Bible. I try to ignore or disregard the parts I don’t like or agree with. I also, after much thought, use the “red letter words” ie Jesus’ words as a default position and ignore the misogynistic and legalistic parts. That could be called, rightly, “cherry picking”. I don’t care because I refuse to use my faith to call my friend, Z, anything less than “created in God’s Image”. *see comment about bias* That makes me a “Heretic Christian”. That’s how I describe my faith.

I am a hermit. I like the interaction of the net. I like that people don’t come visit our house. I have a job that forces interaction all day long. When I’m home, I want to stay home and not go out. Never gonna find me running around with the boys.

I’m also distrustful of organized anything. I don’t think that the groups that are pro or anti, and make money at it, are out for anything but more money. If they were, when the issue was decided, they’d refund the leftover funds to their contributors and close. Hasn’t happened yet.

I “overthink” everything. My mind races along. In the absence of information, I tend to fill in the gaps with my fears and doubts. I worry about offending friends and then tell them all of my thinking when I should have just kept my thoughts to myself.

Reading this sounds like a harsh version of myself. It sounds hard on me. It really isn’t. I acknowledge my humanity. There is a bunch that I like. In my mind, the good in me outweighs the bad. I just wanted these out in public. It helps to be “un-blackamailable” *made up word*

I am a goof. I am a nice guy. I am a good husband and a loyal friend. I love my wife with all my heart. I do believe the words I write here in support and encouragement. I am a good cook and love cooking for people. I am a “helper guy”. I’ll be the first to volunteer for a project that helps someone. No matter what I say, I do like people. I’m not the grouch I pretend to be. I am sappy. I do not regret my past because it made my present. There’s a bunch more but, these are enough.

I don’t know if anyone will read this post. It is neither protest nor encouragement. I’m not sure that I care. This post was for me. It was to clear out some mental baggage and be honest with y’all. At least, this way, you can’t say I didn’t warn ya.