Perhaps I’m Just A Paintbrush

I was thinking about God, gods, and human understanding…

I was talking to Aj, and expressing myself poorly…as usual. I told her that the “mechanism” of the way God and gods interact with humans and we with them didn’t matter, again a poor way of phrasing. To her, it is incredibly important that I get it right…

She said, “My gods are like a brother 15 yrs older than you. Not interested in my daily doings but always willing to help if I ask”…
…and to me, except for the person that was Jesus, mine is distant and beyond my understanding. I don’t want my God to become “personal” and understandable.  I am not a person that wants to know “why did that happen?” in a personal interaction sense. People are not machines or physics or chemistry so, “why did he/she do that?” isn’t something that “usually” matters to me. I like the idea that magik is magic. I want it to stay a bit beyond my grasp. Familiarity breeds contempt. I like being in awe and not quite understanding.

What if?…What if she and I are missing the point entirely?

What if her life is the Mona Lisa and I am merely a paintbrush in the hand of the painter? I’m more than happy to be a tool used to craft a masterpiece. If that’s the case, my gratitude to God and gods is not misplaced. I wasn’t thanking them for treating us like puppets but, for joining our paths.
What if we are joined as friends, not for ourselves but, because someone else needs to see that two people with differing views of the Divine are able to become as close as we are and that helps them? Are we parts of a plan for someone else or some other purpose. That us being friends is a part of a greater “project”? If that’s the case, my gratitude to them for allowing me to be part of her life is not misplaced.
What if we are in this place now because of something that will be asked later? All the “stuff” in my past seemed bad at the time, it really was but, it laid the groundwork for who I became. Is this the same? If so, again, I am grateful for being allowed to be a part.

I KNOW she wants me to understand. She doesn’t need for me to agree or follow her beliefs but, it is important to her that I understand how they work so, I try and get it wrong and express myself poorly…and try again…like now.
I like having some things being not quite within my grasp. I am more “comfortable” if there are things to learn and things beyond that. I don’t want God and gods…and women…to be understandable. I want to remain in a state of wonder. It keeps my eyes “new”,

Last Chance Labor Day Sale

Was $2,499.99 TODAY ONLY reduced to $9.99. 

  • Emerald Eyes and Mermaid Hair
  • Attitude
  • Poise, Grace, and Her Own Unique Style
  • Fearlessly Loyal
  • Kind and Caring

Do you want a New Best Friend that will always respond to your messages and calls? Are you looking for a New Best Friend to play Golf with or take on Outings? Is your idea of a New Best Friend perky and cheerful at all hours of the morning? Is Conventional™ exactly what you’re looking for? Do you need someone to go to church with? Do you like Winter Sports and Skiing? If those things are what you’re craving, for just 9.99 you’ll get far more than you could expect…
There’s more. For a limited time only, this New Best Friend will be shipped with our Exclusive Cutlery Set™ complete with knives, forks, spoons, and napkins. In addition, if you order today, your New Best Friend will bring her very own shovel. Today only, if you use the Promo Code “AjIsNotForSale” your New Best Friend will be shipped free via UPS Next Day Air.

Look guys, I’ve had far too much fun with this. I asked Aj if I could sell her on craigslist and she said “Don’t think you’ll get many offers. I’m a real bitch. What the hell? I could use some pocket change.”
I NEED Aj to exist. We don’t talk every day. Most of the time it’s a week or three apart. Doesn’t particularly matter how often we talk. What matters is that I am entirely sure that she has claimed me as her Best Friend and I’ve claimed her as my “best friend that is not my wife”.  I truly revel in that.

She IS a bitch. She can be blunt and arrogant. She can be cutting but, not needlessly cruel. She is also kind and compassionate. She is patient if you’re trying to understand and will call you out for your stupidity if you’re not. Her “normal” isn’t mine but, she’s “normal” to me because I only know her to be exactly what she is.
She, if she wanted, could hurt me. I’ve given her that permission…and the only other person that is that far “inside” is my wife. The thing is, she won’t. She would rather let me wound her than to hurt me. There’s an opposite side to that coin. If I wanted to, I could do the same to her…and I’d rather chop off my hand. She doesn’t preview these, she reads them when you do. That means that she read that she was going to hell and being burned at the stake when Y’all did…and understood exactly why they were written and knew how hard they were to write.

I’ve been trying to sell her as a joke but, if she needed or found an upgrade Best Friend, I’d wish her well…and miss her dearly. My world is bigger and better for having her in it. I’m sure that at some point something else she tells me will give me some excuse to go neurotic and panicky…I hope it does because that’s when I learn the most while I work through it.

Life is short. I don’t know how long God has planned for me nor gods for her but, I’ll take the minutes they give us with gratitude. Aj is NOT for sale now nor will she ever be. You couldn’t afford to pay what she’s worth to me and you don’t have the right coin to offer.

Reduced Price

Well crud…Due to the underwhelming number of offers gotta try again…

water witch

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Have you ever wanted your VERY OWN WITCH? Be the envy of your friends when you show up with a WITCH.  Imagine the fun you’ll have when you tell your family that your New Best Friend knows spells and grounding.  Think of the things you could do to your friends…and enemies if you had a Witch for a Best Friend. This particular Witch is lightly used and only slightly singed, she was pulled out of the fire in the nick of time. She comes complete with Mermaid hair and Emerald eyes to match your fashion and accessories.
This Witch comes with your choice of a Family Size smoked chicken or pork dinner w/2 sides and your choice of Iced Tea or bottled water.
As if that wasn’t enough, for a limited time only, this Witch was 29,999 and is now only 2,499. That’s over 90% off.
At Miller’s House of Second-Hand Witches, we have a generous return policy. If you are not COMPLETELY SATISFIED with your New Second Hand Witch, she can be returned at anytime within 30 days of purchase for a FULL REFUND.

Serious offers only.   All sales subject to terms and conditions.
Contact (480) 655-6630 or leave bid in comments below. Price does not include sales tax and licensing. Product not available in all 50 states. Shipping extra. Product may vary from description due to manufacturing inconsistencies. Picture does not represent actual product.


Aj is For Sale

I talked it over with Aj. We decided we needed to test the market. If I’m going to have to shop for a new best friend, perhaps I should see what kind of cash I can get out of the old one. I mean, that really does limit my purchase options…particularly after Aj gets her cut of the sale price…

*wanders off to look at internet*

Well…hell…I tried to google how to sell Aj. It wasn’t any help. It’ll tell me how to sell body parts and guns but, not a living human…I guess I’ll just have to write an ad here and see what happens…

*chews pen and ponders*

FOR SALE: One lightly aged  lovingly cared for Best Friend
Are you in the market for a Best friend? I have just the one for you. This late 60’s model is really bitchin’. She comes with a Purple, Blue, and Green paint job. Her headlights are a Classic Green with a death stare. This is the Classic Collectable Best Friend you’ve been looking for. She’s low miles and has had all her maintenance done.
She’s the one that will push your boundaries. She’ll make you question your judgment. She takes all your preconceived notions of what you ever expected in a Best Friend and shatters them to tiny bits. If you want a Best Friend that will not spare your ego, you found her. If you want a Best Friend that will bring shovels with no questions asked, she’s the one. If you need a Best Friend that will tell you to jump off a bridge…and push you if you hesitate, Aj is it. If your ideas of a Best Friend include fearless loyalty, blunt, and smarter than you there is no question that you’ve found the one you’re looking for right here.
Words don’t quite express all the superlatives this Best Friend brings. She must be seen and heard to be truly appreciated.
Asking $24, 999 OBO
Serious offers only.   All sales final.
Contact (480) 655-6630 or leave offer in comments below.



Shopping for a Best Friend

A funny thing happened, I was talking to the young lady that works at the desk that is next to mine. I mentioned that Aj had gone “protective” of me and how it made me smile. Nansy commented that I wasn’t used to having a female best friend. After 5 years of “officially” being best friends, I realized that I really am not. She never ceases to amaze me but, I decided to do something…

I went “shopping” for a new best friend. I googled it. I found articles telling me I should expect to spend more than 200 hours getting to know someone. I found out I’m supposed to “make the first move”. I found out that there are sites for hired friends by the hour. I wandered down my memories looking in my past. I looked on Twitter. I even looked on Facebook. I went to People Magazine to see if any celebs were available. Checked out eBay to see if I could find one at a discount. I pulled up Craigslist to see what might be there.

I mean, if I’m going to find a new best friend, I gotta explore all my options. What was I looking for? Male or female? Young or old or middle-aged? Short or tall? Quiet or outspoken? Bluntly honest or tactfully willing to tell a white lie? New or used? Same faith or different? *That’s a BIG question because I’ve been through that once before…* Local or distant?  There are a lot of things to be pondered?

Looking for a best friend is hard…

So, I quit looking. I’ve put quite a bit of time and effort into the one I have. I enjoy putting effort into it. I count the energy spent as gain. The time I’ve spent adapting myself to fit her into a set of beliefs that would have excluded her has been gain. Besides that, I really don’t have any choice. I didn’t “pick” her, she picked me. I could have turned her away but, I am not quite that stupid…

We bought an 80-year-old house. It is a work-in-progress and will be for many years to come. Friendship with Aj is the same way. I am comfortable with it but, I keep finding things that I need to fix in me to be a better home for her to live in…sort of like my marriage. I want to be the very best at it that I am able…again, like being a husband. Those two women, Aj and Sweety, have decided that I am worth being loved and protected by them so, in return, I feel like I should do the same.

So, yeah, I went shopping. Considered the options. I’ve decided on a Used, Pagan, Middle-aged, short, bluntly outspoken female. It was really one of the easiest decisions I’ve ever made.


Shoes Suck

I hate shoes. I need to wear them because they keep feet safe from gravel and hot pavement and goat-heads and being cold but, I’d love it if I had Hobbit feet and could completely never wear them. I’m not a big fan of seeing my feet…or knees…or chicken legs but, I go barefeets and shorts as often as I am able.  The first thing I do when I get home from work is to put on comfortable shorts and take off my damned shoes. Anyway, this isn’t really about shoes. It’s about my best friend that is not my wife…when I get to it…

Neighborhoods go into decline. They start out with homes built by people that want to live their lives there and raise their families. They age. The children grow up and move away. The homes are sold and become rent houses and yards become weedy, painting doesn’t get done, shutters sag and the neighborhood declines. If the neighborhood is lucky, housing prices drop enough to become attractive to people willing to buy…and turn the houses into homes. A few people start mowing and painting. The neighborhood becomes attractive to people that want to live their lives there and that attracts more people that want the same. They become safe again and have a new life back where they started…

Still getting there…

Have you ever had a friend, a REAL friend? Someone that you weren’t allowing to be a “renter” but, that you were willing to invest time in? Someone that you were willing to change your World View for because you were investing yourself into them? I have one. Her name is Aj. Yeah, you’ve seen her name before and know that I love her dearly. I invested myself in her. I changed my entire approach to the way I looked at the world because of her. No matter how often I say that I’m not sure she realizes how important that is to me. I’m not sure that she realizes that I’m not a renter but, she’s a part of “home”.

Yesterday she did something that sort of surprised me at the time but, in retrospect, shouldn’t have. Someone from my distant past that I was close to resurfaced. Aj went into full-blown protective mode. ” Well, she better treat you right. I don’t like sharing my position as bfftinyw” *best friend that is not your wife* I think she was willing to get out her shovel and start driving if she thought that there was a chance that I might be emotionally harmed. Rephrase, I know she was. How many people do I know that would do that? Counting Aj? Two, the other is my wife…

…and that’s why Aj is part of home. She is possessive of me and will not allow harm to come to me if it’s in her power to stop it. Not only do I not mind, I’ll let her have the piece of me she’s claimed for as long as she’s willing to own it. Oddly enough, that goes both ways. I am possessive of her, too. Don’t read jealousy into it from either side. She’s glad that I’m happily married and I will be grateful to the man that she decides to love for being Her Love. Doesn’t change the fact that we both own a part of the other. Neither of us is renting.

Sometimes I startle easily. Sneak up behind me and I’ll jump. Tell me something about yourself that challenges my comfort zone and I’ll freak out…maybe even for years…and eventually, I’ll be sending you to hell and burning you at the stake…and love your friendship as much as I love barefeets and comfortable shorts. I am a blessed person for having someone that has decided to be my best friend for as long as I will have her. I see no need to change that fact. I’ve invested myself into changing me to keep her right where she is, in my heart. If you’re lucky, you’ll find your’s, too. When they decide that they own a part of you, give it to them.

Vegan Recipes or, Cooking Aj

I decided to do something that y’all never expected to see in this blog, I’m writing about the Vegan recipe options that I know…*grins* not really. I just wanted a starting point and decided to veer a bit. If you came here looking for Vegan recipes, I apologize. There aren’t any. Sorry for the bait and switch. I’m really just teasing all four people that read this. What you really get are some questions and answers to follow up on the one I wrote yesterday Perspectives,,, It’s going to be an odd format because no one really even asks questions. I invite y’all to but, people don’t cooperate. *grins*

What are some things that you’ve learned about Witches since one decided you needed one in your life?
Well, Witches have their own language. When I say “grounded”, I mean like an electrical circuit. They mean a similar thing but, they use their feet and the energy flow is both ways. I think of earth as that thing you stand on, for them it’s different.
They have also ruined popular fiction for me. Witches are NOTHING like fiction makes them out to be. That whole “Harry Potter” thing, nope.
What else? Witches let people be themselves. They come in so many “flavors”, for lack of a better word, that there’s room for almost any variation of beliefs and different types of humans in their worlds that they just like you for who you are…at least the ones I know are that way. Interestingly, they accept me and my beliefs as valid.

How has your life changed since you became Best Friends with a Witch and has it carried over into other areas? As a follow-up, if you had it to do all over, would you want a Witch in your life?
Well, let’s take them out of order. I want my Best Friend in my life. That she is a Witch is an odd sort of bonus. The reason I say that is because I have the added option covering all the bases when I need “prayer”. Yes, that is Heresy. I get it but, if she recognizes my beliefs it seems fair that I recognize her’s, too. She also gives me a bunch of stuff to occupy my mind. I get mentally bored very easily so, having stuff to roll around and ponder let’s my mind stay occupied. All of that is fine but, like I said, I want Aj in my life, if she weren’t a Witch, I would still want her here.
Changes are a more interesting area. I am a better Christian, minor bits of Heresy aside, because I have had to focus more on the words that Jesus actually said and concentrate on those concepts. You know, kindness, self-sacrifice, being open to people, looking to my own soul…those kinds of things that Jesus talked about.
Other changes? I am far more open to new ideas and concepts. I am not the dogmatic twerp I used to be. I may decide that I still don’t agree with the validity of something but, I will look at it and not reject it out of hand.
I have learned to not be concerned that people aren’t “just like me”. An example is if someone tells me they’re a Witch my response has gone from “a what?” to “cool, my Best Friend is, too”. Gay? Yeah, not an issue. *grins* I still don’t quite understand Atheists but, whatever floats your boat. The point is that by not being worried about “what” someone is, I have room to get to know “who” they are.

Next question, does writing this make you some kind of SJW?
*laugh* Not hardly. I am not “political”. I don’t care about party politics. I won’t say that I don’t care about most social issues but, there are enough groups and authors for or against them that my words would just add to the noise. I write these for a few reasons. First, because I have a very strong urge for one person to be accepted for just who she is. I figure that if I have a chance to help y’all see that one person then you might see the rest of them. If you see the rest of them and it means that she’s cut some slack, it makes her life easier. It’s circular logic but, it’s what I have.
Related to that is that I want to do nice things for my friend. I am able to cook and help my wife to show her with my actions and time that she is loved. Aj lives far away so, this is what I can do.
Also, most of the time, it’s fun to write. I adore the Lady I write about and so, it gives me a chance to say that. Let me ask you this when you say “I love you” to someone that you’re not romantically in love with but, love them all the same, do you enjoy that? Does it make you smile? This is the same. I’ll give it this, there are a few that hurt to write but, that’s ok, too.

You titled this “Cooking Aj”, why?
Well…I’m not quite sure. I had a sort of an idea and it wandered out of my head. I got sidetracked. Some of it is a play on words, I was remembering a post I wrote some time ago. Look that one up but, I won’t link it. Some of it is to tease her because it’s hard to burn Water. Some of it is because she LOVES the heat. Some of it was to get your attention.

Are there any other thoughts that you’d like for us to know?
Yeah, a few. Among them, I’ve learned that you can’t judge someone by their tats or height or place of birth. If I took those external circumstances and add multi-colored hair I’d get to “why would I be friends with her” but, I’ve learned. Interestingly enough I even decided that tats are cool on a woman. Yankee women make great friends. “Short” is a good height for a person to be…and that I really like her new hair colors. Of course, all of this is VERY subjective.
I’ve also become grateful. I used to take people for granted. Because I was chosen by her, I don’t. If she “picked” me, she could send me back to the shelter where she found me. That’s a joke. She won’t. We have a deal. As long as I don’t kick her off to the side, she’s stuck with me. I am grateful for the reassurance that comes with that because I would no more push her away than I’d push my wife away. No more Disposable People in my life is a good thing. Not having to be insecure about “what if they really don’t like me” means that I may allow myself to be myself around her and not worry.
I’ve also learned that I do not think “unconditional love” exists. I do have conditions. I have expectations. I don’t necessarily think that you have to care about everyone. I don’t think that everyone is likable. I think the reverse is true. Not everyone is going to think I’m the greatest thing since street tacos, either…and all of those things are fine. Having said all of that, once you do decide that someone meets the “terms and conditions” that you’ve applied, you don’t ever take it back. You knew what you were getting into. You knew that they were human and had faults. I mean, Aj is a…well…she would say…a bitch sometimes but, to me that endears her because I may not want to offend her but, she’s mine. I asked her if I could use that word. This is what she says is why “I’m a bitch when you deserve it. It’s self-defense. It’s not to keep people away it’s to keep people from walking on me or mistreating me or that which is important to me”
If I could change any one thing about her, I’d move where she is closer to where I am but, neither her family nor mine are going to move so that won’t happen.
Oh yeah…the oddest thing about her is that she doesn’t like bacon.

Well…I started this early. Had coffee. Cooked for my wife. Had some thoughts. Lost some thoughts. Got to spend time thinking and writing. This didn’t end where I thought it would end but, it’s what I got.





I’ll apologize in advance for the disjointed nature of this. It will be written over a couple of days and work will intrude. Also, my offline life is going to become busy for the next couple of months so this will probably be the last one for awhile…

Aj is correct. I try to control things. This blog is a prime example. I’ve tried by every method I am able to use words and thoughts to do that…and I’ve been spectacularly unsuccessful. I’ve gone into the darkest corners of my mind to try to understand how the Burning Times happened. I’ve looked into my own theology to see how she could be hated, not for who she is but what…and it still hasn’t changed a single person…except for me…

There’s a difficulty with having a Best Friend that is VERY smart and knows you better than you know yourself. As an aside, my wife fits both of those so I’m surrounded… Anyway, the problem is that you can’t hide from her. Give her the tiniest scrap of a thought and she’s gotten it, processed it, figured out where you’re going with it…and is ready to remove your excuses even before you’ve gotten past “you know what’s bugging me?”
(insert break for work)
A funny thing happened while I was at work. I left Aj a message asking if there was anything she had to suggest that I write in this one. I got this reply, “Maybe turn this blog into a piece about you. Your beliefs. How you changed, the parts in your daily life where that change makes a difference?” That’s odd because before I read that, the same thought was wandering through my head…She does know me better than I know myself. Have I mentioned my Best Friend is an empath and is particularly attuned to the people she loves, no matter the distance they may be apart?


I digressed so, back on track. I was raised in a middle-sized town, around 30,000 people when I was growing up. My Dad was a medium sized fish in a medium-sized pond. Mom was what would now be called a Soccer Mom. We were a nuclear family, Dad and Mom with 3 kids, I am the oldest…and the most rebellious. You know the routine, Protestant Church on Sunday, band, activities, Summer car vacation. We grew up believing that everyone was like us. Some of our friends went to a different church or were *gasp* Catholic or Jewish. A few people we knew were *cringe* Liberals. There were a few kids in school who weren’t white but, race wasn’t really an issue because we were kids and didn’t care.
*Just as an aside, if you’ve read other stuff I’ve written, you know I became a meth addict and stayed there for a very long time, that doesn’t change the beliefs I grew up with and carried into my adulthood.*
The point of all this is that by the time I reached my late 40’s I was pretty set in my ways. I KNEW what I expected people to be. I knew what I believed. I had and still do, have a fixed set of ideas about what is right and what isn’t. I knew my set of Morals was the ONLY Right way. I had wandered away from the Faith of my youth and come back to it with a vengeance. I believed in a Dogmatic, Capricious, Loving God. I knew that My God punished non-believers. I was of the view that everyone that wasn’t Christian was going to burn in Hell and the worst of those poor people were the ones that were exposed to Christians and they weren’t Christian…and I was entirely comfortable with those beliefs.

Have you ever watched the Roadrunner cartoons? Wile E. Coyote always has a foolproof plan…and it always backfires. God has a sense of humor. I’ve learned this…There I was, minding my own business and God’s sense of humor was lurking just around the corner. I never even saw it coming. He decided I was far too comfortable in my beliefs for my own good…

I’m a bit, more than that if I’m being honest, of a smart aleck. I like it. It keeps me amused. *yeah, we’ve covered this ground in other posts so, I’ll keep it brief* I smarted off about witches. A Witch told me she was one. I freaked out because she was “not like me”. I quit freaking about her being a Witch. I freaked out about her going to Hell. I came to some conclusions about that which didn’t send her to Hell. In other words, just like the cartoon, I “never even saw it coming”…

By this point, you may be thinking, “Miller, you’ve covered all of this stuff in previous posts. We know you love Aj. We know you changed your entire outlook on your faith to include her not going to Hell. Dag nabbit, Miller, you’re getting senile and repeating the same stories over and over, give us a break. Do you even know what the point you’re trying to make is or do you just like writing about Aj?” I do like writing about Aj but, that isn’t really the point…

We live in our own skin. We are the product of our upbringing and our life experiences. No one really knows their own thoughts and motivations as well as they think they do. We pretend to know ourselves but, I am not even sure if I’m motivated to put the toilette seat down because I love my wife or if it’s because I don’t like getting yelled at. I’m still not sure if I decided to reshape my worldview because of Aj or for her…or is there another plan entirely? Am I forgetting my own belief that God does everything for a reason?

I do believe that last part with all my heart. I believe that we have an illusion of “free will”. I “think” it’s more along the lines of a trip to Austin from Denton. You may take 35E or 35W or take the back roads and skip the highway entirely but, you’re still going to Austin. Sometimes, I think God is the same way. He figures out where He wants you to end up and leaves the driving to you…

Back to our story…I changed. I learned one of the hardest lessons that anyone should learn. I figured out that “different does not equal bad”. I learned, during that process that I was not seeing God’s Creations but, just images of them. I had not gotten to the point where people were actually real unless they had a direct intersection with what I thought they should be. In other words, I dehumanized the vast majority of the world. I mistook seeing a part of a person for seeing ALL of them.

You know what the oddest part is? The person I saw the least was myself. I didn’t know me in the tiniest bit. I had no clue that it wasn’t Aj that needed to change but me. I thought I was fine, a bit weird but fine anyway.

I was also a jerk. Because I didn’t see anyone outside my own tiny world as “real”, I could treat them as if they weren’t…Have you ever gone to the comments on a YouTube video or a political post on some emotional issue? Have you seen how people jump to conclusions and judge the entirety of someone’s life based on one comment or viewpoint? Did you ever wonder how that could be? Why would someone be reduced to a comment and lashed out at by a stranger? It’s really very easy. All we have to do is reduce them to “just a witch”…Once we’ve done that, they are valueless…

So, I changed. I became kinder. Not more “generous” because, within my own group, I’d give you the last food I had in the house but, kinder. I learned that people are not just one part of them but, the gestalt. The parts aren’t the whole. Try that again so “I” don’t forget. People ARE NOT just their facets. Period. Once that sank in, I learned that I am able to love people outside my family and wife. Nah, I don’t love everyone. I don’t want to or need to but, I should love some people outside of those inside my house.

That carries over into the rest of my life. I know some really great people that I would have written off because they didn’t fit my norms. I am a kinder person and that means I like ME better.

Here’s the part where I start to wind down and draw the final conclusions.


Would I suggest doing things, meaning change your life, the way I did? It depends. Why are you changing? I wanted to. I really wanted to because I realized that if I didn’t, someone would be missing from it that I wanted in it. If you read that to say, “do you suggest that we all metaphorically hug a witch? That’s your call. If she lived closer, I’d hug My Witch as often as possible because hugs are good and My Witch is My Best Friend.

Do I suggest being kinder toward people that do things differently? Yeah, every time. Period. We are ALL different. No single human is exactly a copy. Even identical twins have different life experiences. As a thought that goes along with that, because you won’t understand why someone does what they do or even how they think, ask them questions. Find out where the differences lie and try to learn them, not “about them”, just “them” as a whole person. To make something clear, I am not excusing every behavior or thought process. There are people’s actions and beliefs that make them criminals and racists. Those things are inexcusable. Period.

Is it going to be easy? Nope. Not even close to “easy” to change yourself. It is worth it, though. The endpoint isn’t really for the other person, it’s for yourself. You’ll be far less stressed. You’ll be easier on your keyboard when you’re not slamming the keys when you argue online because you’ll find yourself wanting to argue less…it’s that way for me, I dunno about you.

This post has been about what I’ve learned. It is about my own path to a spot where I am comfortable with a set of views that are vastly changed from 9 years ago. I wouldn’t trade Aj for any other person in the world to be My Best Friend. She’s far from what I would have picked, see also *whispers* she’s a Witch but, now that she’s here, I couldn’t imagine having a better one.

Has she learned anything from me? No clue. Maybe if she reads this and feels like telling me I’ll find out.

“A catalyst is a substance that speeds up a chemical reaction but, is not consumed by the reaction; hence a catalyst can be recovered chemically unchanged at the end of the reaction it has been used to speed up…” Would I have changed without her? No clue, possibly. Is she apart from the reaction? No. She took part. She is part of the end result. If she were gone, if she weren’t here to keep me grounded, the result wouldn’t be the same. She will not be left out of the end result…Not while I am able to draw a breath.

I am lucky. There are two non-blood relations that I absolutely count on. They both provoke random smiles. They have both been the cause of me wanting to be a better human. The other is my wife. Change hurts…till you get used to it. Those little hurts are called “growing pains”. Understanding that they will pass and seeing the potential end result is what makes us adults. I may not be “all grown up” but, I’m far closer than I used to be…

S**t I Really Didn’t Want to Know or HAVE to Say

This is a screenshot from the conversation that prompted yesterday’s rant. The sadly odd thing is that the Lady that sent these to me was concerned enough for MY sensibilities that she edited “I won’t send where he’s talking about me peeling a banana with my mouth……I’ll keep it clean.”…

Screenshot (8)

She edited it heavily. Apparently, this is tame…I have been living in a bubble. I had no clue that this s**t was so common. I asked on my Facebook page. Here are some of the responses…

“Say you’re gay and suddenly you’re the spawn of Satan. Fucking bitch, cunt, I wouldn’t let you suck my dog’s dick”…and yeah, she’s gay…in fact that was Z and if y’all have read this blog you know that I adore her.

“I quit working in one location with a security guard kept pressuring me to date him.”

“I would start out saying I was married and working and the persistent ones would say that they weren’t concerned about all that and could we just get together?”

” men don’t care if I’m single or not because they are not looking for a relationship if you know what I mean”

Another response “get dick pics all the time. Sometimes, it’s the second message/text.”

I’m either stupid or, more likely, “protected” and naive. If I hadn’t asked, I wouldn’t know people did this. I thought “most men” were like me. I thought that we treated women the way we want them to be treated… I think “most” are but, enough aren’t that it’s beyond time for the decent ones of us to speak up…


Hey, Asswipes Disguised as Men.
Shut your filthy fucking mouths. Put down the phone and keyboard. Delete your camera app. Y’all are a bunch of insecure idiots.  She doesn’t owe you anything. She didn’t ask to be treated the way you are treating her. She doesn’t exist so that you can get laid. I’ll go over this again so that you know…
This is what you do with a Woman. You TALK to her. No, sending dick-pics isn’t “talking”. You make her laugh. You let her feel safe and secure around you. You LISTEN, really pay attention with your whole face and mind, to what she has to say. You treat her with dignity and respect, No, telling her she’s a bitch or a cunt or a dyke because she didn’t like your dick-pics DOES NOT count as “dignity and respect”. You take “no” for an answer the very first time she even hints at saying no. You NEVER put in a spot where she is the tiniest bit uncomfortable around you. Not ever. Period. You don’t brag to her about how she will feel when you are fucking her. You don’t make suggestions unless she specifically invites you to. No, you do not mistake being polite as “invites”.
You don’t act like you are a victim when she rejects you. You don’t have that right. If you think that she “owes” you sex, you are a potential rapist and need to be in a cage.
Is any of this getting through to you morons?
Nah, I figured it wasn’t but, I had to try. I won’t even go into the whole “women are our mothers, daughters, wives, and sisters” bit because your actions show that is the way you WANT them treated. All you see is an object and not a human.
The worst part of what you baboons are doing is that, for the majority of us, the women in our lives don’t tell us the shit you put them through. Our women protect us from you because they know that two things would happen when we found out, Put it like this, they keep us out of prison and you out of a box.
In short, if you think what you are doing or have done is correct or proper, instead of saying that crap or forcing yourself on her, you should go fuck yourself and then you could get laid every night.
P.S. To y’all that call yourselves “incels”. You aren’t “involuntary” anything. You should call yourselves “voluntary sub-humans”. You have no right to anyone else’s body or company. You are not fit for the companionship of humans. If you feel so strongly that people have a “right” to sex, maybe you should volunteer to go to the Rainbow Lounge and take it up the ass. Don’t gay men have a right to sex, too?


This isn’t me making some silly SJW excuse for me being such a great guy. I’m not. I’m an opinionated middle-aged man. I don’t care about most things. I’m not that worried about how other families live their lives. I don’t give a damn about politics. Most “social issues” don’t make any difference to me. I am not taking on some misguided guilt for an accident of birth that made me a hetero white male.  My reasons for what I write about the way women are treated, religion and, LBGT Rights have all come from the same spot. My very best friends are women. My reasons are PURELY selfish. I don’t want my friends treated like shit.

Dear Ladies,
I apologize. The decent MEN among us have kept our mouths shut for too long. Maybe we need to be shocked out of our complacency. Do us a favor, I promise we won’t like it but do it anyway. When some shit like this happens, tell us. Let us feel your pain and disgust and fear. We love you. Let us be there…even if we don’t know what to do and can’t really fix it. The decent ones of us DO outnumber the assholes and predators. We may not be able to stop them but, let us try. Let us tell you and show you that what they do is no reflection on you, only them. Y’all have put up with this stuff for far too long alone. We, Men, don’t really have any way to make up for the past but, maybe we can make your future better.


I Know, I’ll Cheat on My Wife…

I keep wanting to start writing this by asking “are you f**king stupid?” Here’s where I am at. Please excuse me for writing it from my perspective and not addressing marital issues or from both sides…

Before you read farther, I used asterisks a bunch because I am so frustrated that I didn’t self-edit…much…This is a topic that p**ses me the f**k off. I waited a very long time to get married and I do not and will not ever understand what people are thinking…

A Lady I know was propositioned. Yeah, I’m copying part of the post, with her permission because I’m lazy…

This just happened to me this week. And ended today.
1. A Friend of many of my friends sends me a friend request.
2. He’s married.
3. He’s nice and funny, and our mutual friends are classmates, so I accept.
4. He starts private messaging me, wanting to come over and “cook” for me, since he enjoys cooking. And he’s apparently “blown away” by me and, oh, it’ll be “our secret.”
5. I say “no, you’re married”.
6. The little bugger is persistent, and quite charming, but NO. NO AND NO. NO.
7. Suddenly, I’m not seeing his posts and comments anymore. What’s this about?
8. OH DARN, he’s unfriended me.

What in the unholy f**k is wrong with guys? Where in any kind of sane or honorable world could this be considered appropriate conduct?

I am a dinosaur, a throwback to a far older time when it comes to this. I swore an oath. I have a view of the way Oathbreakers should be treated that far predates Western Christianity. “Head on a pike” is the mild version of the way I think…

Back to my point. Some people would say “it takes two to tango” and I’ll call bulls**t on that. It takes ONE to say “no”. What the f**k was he thinking? “My wife won’t mind” Did he think that C wouldn’t mind screwing around with a married guy? Did he just think, “what the hell, I’ll screw up my marriage today?” Was the thought…never mind, there was NO thought…

I am old fashioned. I think that it’s the guy’s responsibility to not get into that situation. If he’s married, don’t do it. If he’s single and she’s married, still don’t do it. If you want to screw around outside of your marriage, have the stones to walk up to your wife and ask for a divorce, then screw around.

I just want to shake the guy and say “Dude, sound out the big words mah-reed. Married, you dumb f**k. You swore a f**king Oath. If you didn’t mean it, you should have kept your f**king mouth shut! You have one f**king job, be a good husband. What part of that includes cheating on your wife. If you can’t keep your pecker in your pocket, maybe you should chop the damn thing off…”

*sigh and exhale*

I don’t even begin to understand. I just don’t. If you thought the lady you propositioned was worth being that intimate with, why would you disrespect her that way? Even if your vows don’t mean anything to you, what makes you think she’s that dishonorable?

I know stuff like this has happened for centuries. Males, some males, are spectacularly stupid. Some males think it’s their right and that the woman should understand that you’re “just a man” but, that’s not what men do. Boys do that. Boys don’t understand that when they get caught they will hurt someone they said they loved. Boys only understand instant gratification.


I know that this is getting to a point where I’m just exhasperated and typing. I just don’t get it…

I took a “poll” on my facebook page. I asked “Under what circumstances is it acceptable to cheat on your wife?” The single most common answer was “none” closely followed by “never”.

There are NO excuses. I had a co-worker tell me that his dad was a “whore-monger” and he was just doing like he was taught. I’ve heard the line, “it was just once”. “I was drunk”. “She started it and it was an accident”. NO NO NO. No excuses. You had to take your pants off, you knew what you were doing. You had to talk to her before it got to that point. Thought was involved. This isn’t like dropping a plate in the kitchen. It didn’t just slip out of your hand.

Look guys, you want to prove you have a “pair”? Keep them in your pants Be a Man and prove it by acting with honor. If you can’t, at least admit that you’re a boy…