Strong Marriages and Love

You realize you guys have made me a better husband. I mean, Kelly, you know my past.You know how much I balk at the “love” stuff because I have a hard time believing it about myself. Sweety was my first love. Aj came along and kept pounding into my head that I have worth. I started to believe it. Then I started writing and realized that I couldn’t write about love and it’s worth without believing it further. As it progressed I realized that the more I said “I love Z to pieces” the more I realized MY capacity for it and that if I could do that, I HAD to have worth. Somewhere in the middle, Z stayed the focus but, the writing, although it named her, became more inclusive of specific people I know.
7:05pm
Tracking so far?
Miller Davidge III
7:08pm
Anyway, the more it spread, the better I got at it. It makes me a better husband because the more I use it, the stronger it gets for HER. Make sense? Anyway, every time you guys give me a reason for the “warm fuzzies” either because I write to you or you say nice stuff to me or because of the trust you’ve shared with me or any of the other reasons I love you guys for being yourselves, it gives me more love to give to Sweety. That and by being around strong married couples I become a better husband.

*****

This was the body of a conversation I had with Kelly. She said it should be a blog post. So, this is it…

Now for some thoughts…I think about marriage a lot. I married late, late 40’s, for the first time. Falling in love and getting married was something I thought happened to other people, never to me. As a result, being the best possible husband is important to me. I try to associate with people and couples that have the same values. That they don’t take their partner for granted or, if they’re single, have the qualities, capacity for love, honesty, and loyalty that I want around me. Because I seem to like women better than men as friends, those couples tend to be Lesbian couples and not straight. Because Z is a girl that likes girls, I am predisposed toward liking them as friends. It is easy for me to see in them the things I want in my marriage.

I assume, and could be wrong, Kelly may correct me, that because their relationship was stigmatized they tend to have an “us against the world” outlook and a greater appreciation for the gift they have in their partner. *editorial, I could be completely incorrect. For once, I didn’t ask*

Anyway, the point of this post is this… Strong couples make strong marriages. The words “gay marriage” no longer apply. Marriages are marriages. Period. Being around strong marriages strengthens mine. Watching how couples interact teaches me. It doesn’t matter to me how many wives or husbands there are as long as it equals a loving couple. I can learn from any of them.

*****

I also told Kelly I’d write it as long as I could put this on it…

“This post is for Kelly& Shelby, Denise & Beth, Z and all the others that have taught me by their example.” The best teachers are the ones that teach, not with words, but with their lives…

How Did This Turn Into 1600 Words? I Was Just Going to be a Smarta$$

Some bits of thoughts…

Good Lord, Happy People, it’ll be ok. It really will. *deep breath*

They’re really not out to change your world. They want to change theirs. Luckily enough, it did…

That whole “slippery slope to (fill in the blank)”, I took a poll. Meaning, I asked some friends. They don’t support that stuff any more than you do…They said, specifically, that they do not believe the age of consent should be lowered due to “maturity” issues, that close relations marrying have a host of genetic issues for the children, and they tend to be monogamous by nature…

So, after the “slippery slope” questions, I asked a follow-up, “Have you ever tried to ‘convert’ a straight person?” The answer was a uniform, “Nope…no desire to convert anyone…waste of energy!” So, based on my asking directly, I’d say that set of fears are unfounded.

I gotta tell y’all…I am, often, the only male, the only conservativish/libertarianish, the only Christian, and the only straight person, in a conversation. Generally, most of the people in the conversation are Ladies and either Pagan, Lesbian, or both. Mostly, they’re Liberalish. Given all that, I am more comfortable and less judged for my beliefs and politics with them than I am by people that fit MY OWN demographic. Hunh? Yeppers, Bucko. Funny how that works, right? The folks that my “demographic” is still trying to find ways to condemn and repress is less judgemental, and has greater reason to be, of me than my own group. Y’all wonder why I like them better than my own demographic? It ain’t because I’m a “traitor”. It’s because my group is a bunch of judgemental twerps.

Here’s another difference between me and a bunch of people, when I have a question, I ask it. I mean, the stuff up there, those comments on the slippery slope stuff, I went to some friends and asked those questions. No beating around the bush, just “do you believe that…?” “Have you ever…?” I’m not big on ambiguity and I know some people that know me well enough to not take offense when I ask.

‘Nother question I asked, “did you choose to be gay?” Again, the answer is a simple “no”. There are some background and personal details involving trying to fit societies expectations but, they don’t matter and are private. The simple answer is no one chooses to be gay. I don’t even know how that should be questioned. I mean, do straight people decide, one day, “I’m not sure if I was born gay or straight so, I think I’ll be straight”. In the words of Homer Simpson, “Doh!”…

I mean, Geeze Louise, all of these questions and thoughts are responses to the junk that I’ve been reading. Maybe that’s my problem, I spend too much time reading stuff. It makes me wonder about my own tiny bit of sanity. Just entertaining the thought that someone could think some of this stuff really boggles my “tiny pea brain”…

*****

Here’s something else that’s been rolling through my head…I write these blogs because I can. I mean, Miller, straight, white, conservativish/libertarianish, middle-aged, Christain, male can. I can’t be accused of having Lib/Prog bias or being sucked in to the “gay agenda” because, I don’t really blindly follow anyone or any ideology. I form my views by considering and pondering. I have a tendency to be “undecided” for years. I don’t jump on bandwagons. I also consider them from the perspective of ALL of the internal biases of the demographic I belong to. When I reach a conclusion, I have to be comfortable with it and I tend to be “mentally lazy” meaning, I LIKE my thought paths and “ruts”. I don’t want to have to change my perspective or outlook.

I have a bunch of Pagan friends, they are not going to turn me Pagan. I like Christianity. It fits me. Having said that, I’m not trying to condemn or convert them, either. If for some reason, they decide to give Christianity a shot because not all Christians are “judgemental twerps”, that’s cool with me. This should have been inserted before the last sentence. I don’t know the “workings” of Paganism for beans. I don’t really want to know the holidays, rituals, rites, or anything else. I have a broad understanding of it from asking some questions. Some of it I agree with, the part about Nature being an “aspect”, some I don’t. Like I say, really doesn’t matter because, in general, becoming Pagan holds no appeal to me. Nothing against it, just not my cut of meat.

Likewise, I have a bunch of friends that are girls that like girls. They don’t have to convert me, my wife is a girl. *grins* What I also don’t have is an attraction to the same sex. No biggie. It doesn’t affect my relationship with them. I’m not going to pretend that I like every person I’ve ever met that’s LBGT. I also don’t like every straight person I ever met. Jerks abound in the world and cross all demographic borders. Having said that, I’m comfortable around them. Those questions I asked in my poll some paragraphs before, I asked them straight out. Didn’t beat around or hint or ask PC or evasive. Asked “did you choose to be gay?” Asked, “do you think the age of consent should be lowered?” Asked, “have you ever tried to convert a straight person?” I fully expected honest answers to each question without evasion. I got honest answers. See the quote thingies? I quoted the answers. My demographic tends to be far more evasive and conditional, “I didn’t decide to be straight but, I think being gay is a choice and they could change back if they wanted to…” See why I like hanging out with them better? Also, hanging out with them reassures my wife. *grins* I know she knows I’m COMPLETELY faithful but, why push things. There’s no question of temptation if there’s no question of temptation. Does that make sense?

*big inhale/exhale*

Anyway…like I was trying to get to right after the “*****” thingy, I write these for them…and Z…and you…because, when I write, it’s not defensive. I can’t be seen as a member of the LBGT community writing anti-straight propaganda. There’s no chance I’ll ever be Lib/Prog and so that bias is out. I’m Christian, so, it’s hard to say I’m “attacking” the Christian Church when I point out individual attitudes.

All that translates to me writing for a minority group…or two…because they need to be seen the way I see them, not as a threat to the existential ‘Merican Way of Life. They really aren’t. In my experience, they tend to be Patriotic. Hell, Folks, they had to work to gain Rights that straight Christians take for granted. Think on that, they had to prove themselves to you. Wonder how you’d feel if it were the other way ’round?

They are people with a strong sense of morality. Yeah, I get it, you disagree because you think what two adults, of the same gender, do in the bedroom is immoral. Get over it and shut down your imagination. They think we’re uchy, too. I digress…They are Law Abiding, Tax Paying, Politically Active folks. Their hate of crimes against children is at last equal to yours. Their desire for law and order equals yours. Their want to be safe from “crimes against persons” is the same as yours. They tend to want the same monogamy that you do. The only difference is that they don’t see you as immoral like you see them.

So, yeah, back to where was I…I write for them because I should. There should be one blue collar Texan male writing for his friends. It isn’t defensive for me to write this stuff. I’m not “stridently defending myself”. I’m just trying to convince you, politely *grins, this really is me being polite and nice* to not be so worried. I mean, come on Happy People, get over yourselves. Try talking to the folks I know. If you’re a straight guy, hanging with Lesbians is fun. *grins* We get, and make, the same jokes…I suppose, if you were a straight girl hanging with gay men would be fun, too. Don’t know, I don’t fit either of those. *grins again* Relax a tiny bit. Keep your religion at church and meet some people that aren’t the same as you. Quit thinking it’s your place to make the world conform to your vision and concentrate on yourself.

Other “oh yeah” moment to add to the end…I have NEVER asked the Ladies about the mechanics of s e x. It really isn’t my business. I’m really not curious about how it works in the LBGT world. I assume it involves some form of physical and emotional closeness. I suspect a hug or a kiss feels just as good. I think that holding hands is a bonding thing for them, too. Those things mean, in the end, it’s the same for them as it is for me and Sweety. That touching the person you love is still the Best Thing in the World. That is the truth for everyone…

*sigh*

Criminy Christmas, more than 1600 words of stuff bouncing around, today. I was just gonna write some one-liners and stuff. I hope this helps. Maybe there’s more understanding gained by asking and pondering? Y’all think about this stuff and find your own path. I stumbled into this one.I like it. I’ll keep on plugging along and hope for the best.

Thanks to K, S, and D for answering my blunt and personal questions.

Your Objections Have Been Noted, Here’s My Rebuttal…

*sigh*

I gotta go back to this…

I was looking. Depending on the poll, roughly 6% of the population of the US is LBG. Broken down, roughly 1.7% Lesbian, 1.7% gay, 1.8% Bisexual. Again, that is, roughly, 8 million people, total. There are some variances in the surveys and the numbers…In the US, roughly 83% identify as Christian. That is, roughly, 264.5 million.

Why is it so hard to figure out? A “Gay Army” is not out to destroy Christianity. Assuming that some portion of the 8 million are Christian, lets use half and make it lower than the stats would suggest, that leaves 4 million. By what reach of imagination do we get to this war against us?

*sigh*

Holy Birdbrain, Batman. Even if the numbers were doubled, there wouldn’t be enough. Even if they cared enough to be out to get you, odds are by the time they got to you, they’d be worn out from trying.

*sigh*

“But my Bible says…” Yeah, I have one, too. I read mine, too. I read the spot where Moses brought down the Law. No words about being gay there. I read the Laws Jesus gave us…

“28 One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”

29 “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.[a] 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’[b] 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[c] There is no commandment greater than these.” ”  Mark 12:29-31

There is no ambiguity there. Those are the rules. No exceptions. Anything else is against the words of Christ. I read some preacher, wish I remembered who, say, “Jesus and the Bible hate gays”. Ok, I’ll play, where in the Bible did JESUS say that. Look in the bits that have red letters, those are his words. Find a quote. Cite chapter and verse. No, you don’t get to paraphrase or “read between the lines”, quote the verse, I’ll wait…Never mind, there’s no point, Jesus never said those words.

“But Paul said…” Ok, I’ll play, Paul is NOT the Son of God. He wrote his opinion. Period. The Words of Jesus should be every Christian’s “default mode”. If they aren’t, we have vastly different ideas of what being a Christian is…

*****

Ok, next point and arguments…

“They want to redefine marriage”…How? By saying that they want to make a lifetime commitment? Ah no. Your objection has been noted. “But marriage is for procreation…” So, you are saying a paraplegic can not be married, either. You are saying my marriage is invalid because we are, and will be, childless. “But marriage is a CHRISTIAN institution…” So, you invalidate every couple that is not Christian’s marriage. Tell that to the other 17% of the population that isn’t Christian.

Those objections have been noted and rejected.

*****

Final objection…

They are re-interpreting the Constitution…How? The Constitution has not one single word about marriage in it. It does have some specific wording, though, “Section 1. All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.” The words you are looking for are “No State “,”citizens”, “due process of law”, and “nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws”. There is not the tiniest bit of wiggle room. There are ZERO exceptions listed. Not “citizens except the gay ones”, just “citizens”. Period. That is the strictest possible way to read it. If your straight Christian marriage is protected, so is every other one. Period.

“Blah blah blah slippery slope to pedophiles or livestock or appliances…” etc. If you are so thick skulled and obtuse as to think that a predatory criminal act is the moral equivalent of a non-criminal act between adults, then there’s no point in trying to reason with that point. You failed the test.

*****

*sigh*

Look, here’s the bottom line, it’s done. It won’t be undone. No matter how much you whine, it’s over.

For what it’s worth, I’ll admit my bias, again. I’m a married, straight, Christian man. My best friend is a single, Lesbian, Christian. She’s no threat to you. She doesn’t want you to do something that makes you feel your religion is under threat. She’s the first one to jump to your right to your beliefs. She’ll be the first one to defend your right to all the non-PC comments you want to make. She was a soldier. She went into Iraq during the First Gulf War. She probably thinks more of the Constitution than you do because she swore an oath to defend it and never quit that oath. I promise she’s more conservative than you ever thought about being. She doesn’t want “special” privileges just “equal protection” since she is a “citizen”. That’s not too much to ask.

You can keep your objections. They have been noted. The War on Marriage, the Judicial Over-reach,  The Against My Religion, allow me to be blunt…or ignore me, I really don’t care. You are being paranoid. That victim mentality you want to use to repress a minority of the population looks ugly on you.

*****

Sorry for the tone of this post. I’m really not angry, just worn out. I love Z. Yeppers, freely admit that I love another woman that isn’t my wife. I hope she does find a woman worth her and get married. *Editorial, loving a girl that likes girls isn’t a threat to my marriage. Nothing is because my wife ALWAYS will be the love of my life* I take it personally, far more than Z does, when I read how she’s going to be the “downfall of ‘Merica”. I take the perception that she’s a threat to people she defends as an insult to her. She earned better treatment than that. So, I HAD to write a rebuttal to the stupidity and hate that I see.

If none of my answers apply to you, pose an argument that is valid, not defensive.

If my answers defend your rights, that was our point. I’ll always have Z’s back…and yours.

In the end, it really is that simple, we are not allowed to judge the quality of an adult’s love for another adult. We are not given the right to demean or devalue someone for being different. We, the majority, should be protecting the minorities. We are, ultimately, ALL minorities because, we are all individuals. When I stand before God, he’s only going to show me the value of MY soul, not yours. My actions and thoughts are the ones I answer for. How I treated the ones I love, not who you loved…that’s it. We were born alone and we’ll die alone. In the middle, we should try to walk in peace with each other…

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Thanks to Shane Turner for allowing me to use this image. Find him here.https://www.facebook.com/shaneturnerart

Thanks to Shane Turner for allowing me to use this image. Find him here.https://www.facebook.com/shaneturnerart

Thanks to Shane Turner for allowing me to use this image. Find him here.https://www.facebook.com/shaneturnerart

My Shrimp Recipe…

Okie dokie, so, I have an odd hobby. It’s “doing nice things for loved ones”. Now that Marriage Equality is the law, I’m kind of at a loss. You see, one of the best parts of the last year and a half has been writing for Z. You see, I seem to love her to bits and now, I have to find a different way to say it. For what it’s worth, it feels good to be nice to people you care about. I’m glad the blog is no longer needed. I really am. I just don’t know where to go next. Being a part of a team with someone i admire has been great. Now, I gotta get creative with the things I can do. She lives a real thousand miles away, cooking dinner and inviting her over is out. *grins* What next? *editorial, I’m not sure when I’ll be able to think of her and not have an “I’m so happy for you” moment as soon as she comes to mind. I’m calm but, the June 26 Ruling is a great thing and will be for a bunch of years*

*****

I said to a follower I’d post a “cupcake” recipe when the ruling was done. I don’t bake so, here’s how I cook shrimp…

Get a couple or three lbs of shrimp. Peel them. In a skillet, put some, about a stick, butter cubes. Slice 3 lemons thin and layer them on. Add a big amount of minced garlic, ’bout a tablespoon. Layer the shrimp on next. Sprinkle the shrimps with some dried parsley. I use a couple or four tablespoons. Pour around a cup of white wine over it all. Heat on the stove top untill it foams all over the shrimp. Turn it off, cover, and leave on the warm burner for 10ish minutes. Serve it as a sammich, or over pasta or in a bowl with bread for the “dippy juice”.

There ya go, a recipe to celebrate. *grins*

*****

Anyway, Z, if you read this, it has been about you. I’m looking for the next reason to say nice things. I’m really calm. I promise not to engage the trolls. The furor will die down and normal…as normal as things ever get…will happen.

Oh yeah, one other thing. I wanted an excuse to share the image. *grins* Thanks to Shane Turner Art for letting me use it.

Some Thoughts About June 26…

Some of the randomly good things from yesterday…

As much as I think it’s cool that liking girls is something I have in common with Z, I don’t have to have it be constantly at the fore of my brain. I mean, I, because of the blog, constantly had to think about it because it was the predominant topic of this blog…

I kept watching the Dreaded Facebook and was surprised at the amount of people that are members of the “silent majority”. Those that had never commented either way that were wearing rainbow faces…

The perception that the number of “antis” were really just a vocal minority…

That the issue is settled. No matter how you try, Equal Protection and Due Process apply to everyone…

That I don’t have to be quite so serious *grins*. I’ve been writing these for a year and a half, almost 300. Probably 200 have been about LBGT Rights. Because of the context, I wasn’t allowing my inner goof to come out as much. I like my inner goof. Sure, there will be some backlash, still, it has no legal basis. The deal is done…

*****

Some other thoughts that are just thoughts…

We gotta find a different focus. I’ve gotten used to writing these. I enjoy the process. It’s just that I had a topic that was, and still is, important to me, Z. What or who to write about next?

Talked to Z. We, the Muse and I, are gonna take a week or so off…

*****

Thanks, Z…

Thanks for the trust you gave me. I’m keeping it…

Thanks for the love you gave me. That’s mine, too..

Thanks for the compliment you paid by allowing me to be your voice. Yeppers, can’t have that one back, either…

One of the things I value most is a word you used in private, “protector”. If you don’t mind, I’ll keep that job. You don’t need one because you’re both tough and brave but, I think the trust that “protector”  implies is something that is worth far more than just a word…

Someone tried to say that my gratitude to you for sharing your world with me implied that my friendship with you was “one sided”. The intangibles of what you’ve given me far outweigh some words typed on a screen. Thanks. It really does go both ways. Always, blog or no blog, you have a space in my heart, always will…

Every gift you’ve given me, you’ve returned. The trust, love, outspoken voice, and protection have been well and truly returned by you. If you don’t mind, I’m gonna have to keep you doing those things. They keep my demons at bay just by being there.

*****

Crap, almost posted without this…

I set out to change the world for Z…and everyone else. I don’t really get any credit because I was just one more voice. Yesterday, June 26, 2015, the World changed. Thanks to y’all for all your support.

A Very Long Way to Get to “I Love You”

I was reading a year old post. It seems that some things haven’t changed. I mean, the things that bounce around in my head don’t…

A year ago I wrote, “She is going to be my priority when I write.” about Z. The only difference is that now I write, “I’m doing this for Z.”

A year ago I wrote, “I worry that by reminding Z that the “haters” exist and that, … it brings her down.” I still do.

A year ago I wrote, “This blog would not exist without Z. She deserves credit. She earned it. So, if you happen to read these, think about Z. These might be my words but, they wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her.” *grins*  Yesterday, “For what it’s worth, if it weren’t for Z coming out to me, I’d have never written the blog. I might have done a few posts around the subject but, not this many and not this much effort.” Go figure…

*****

I’ve never hid that I’m an ex-addict. That comes with some baggage. Some of that is that, even though I’m 9 years and change clean, I wasn’t from my mid-teens through early forties. That means I am having to learn some emotional lessons that I should have learned in my teens and early twenties. For example, I need to have some idea where relationships stand.

For example, I need to have some idea where relationships stand. To digress…you, Readers, know about Z. Well, when I started, this was also about Religious Freedom. The reason being that Aj, my “best friend that is not my wife”, is Pagan. The main focuses were to be LBGT Rights for Z, Religious Freedom for Aj, and a few side trips into stuff about me. It became more focussed on Z because Marriage Equality is coming to a head… So, just because it morphed into a blog about Z, it didn’t take away from Aj. Tracking so far?

Here’s the confusion and my “baggage”…In my confused and scrambled up brain, I have to try to keep people in their boxes and order. I mean, wife first, (fill in the blank) second, (fill in the blank) third, etc. Still along with me? So, with Aj in second, where did Z fit? I mean, I’ve been writing about her, thousands of words and a couple hundred posts, for over a year. That and we talk almost every day. I say her name to God every time I go to sleep. That’s a huge amount of emotional energy. I am learning emotional stuff as I go, right? So, my tiny brain was getting rattled and stressed because of that desire to prioritize. Baggage, right? I didn’t want to hurt Aj’s feelings by saying I love Z, too. Didn’t want to hurt Z by saying she’s less than Aj.  That’s the lesson. I can love someone. I can love an other someone. I love my wife. *editorial, MY WIFE is and will always be FIRST. She’s the only romantic love in my life and the only one I desire. Forever. Period.*…

Anyway, I learned, yesterday, to my great relief, after much agony and confusion and stress, that I didn’t have to take away from either Aj or Z. They can be tied. I can love Bacon and Rib-eye at the same time, even if they’re very different. *grins* To digress…again…to me, because of the baggage, food is security. Having enough to eat was not always something that occurred in my past. Thus the analogy…So, I don’t have to make someone I love second to someone else I love. Funny thing is, I told them and they were Aj, “Why would you ever have to choose?” and Z, “I told him the same thing yesterday,Aj. He doesn’t have to pick. Feels like how I feel about my kids. I love them all. I have no favorite.” Did I say I’m a bit dense? The best part is they know and love each other. *editorial, I really really stress hurting the feelings of the three women in this section*

*deep breath* I am un-stressed. Is that a word? Poor Z took the brunt of my confusion and over-thinking. I’d agonize and ramble at her trying to figure out where she was supposed to be. I’d try to talk around and work it through. I’d question MY motivation and who I wanted her to be and what place she belonged in. Ugh for her. I’d have smacked me. At least Aj didn’t have to put up with the nonsense, read bulls**t, that I subjected Z to. Lucky her. *grins* Sorry, Z.

I’m sure, very positively sure, there’s more crap buried in my skull that’ll come out in time. More years un-sober than sober leaves a big pile of manure to shovel out…

*****

That last part is a good lead in to this…

This blog has been a year and a half long “love letter”. It has been about my love of my wife. It has been about how it’s possible to un-romantically love other people. It has been about my love of my faith and how it is possible for someone else’s love of their faith to strengthen mine. I’ve become a better Christian by knowing and loving a Pagan, Aj. It has been about how what society thinks of love has no effect on what love actually is. I love a woman. I watch Z, a “girl that likes girls” and KNOW that what gender she loves doesn’t amount to the tiniest difference. Gender doesn’t matter when it comes to love.

As sappy as it sounds, and yeah, I’ve written this, or something like it before, love is love. Being Pagan doesn’t change the love that one’s faith brings. Being gay doesn’t change the longing of the heart. It is neither a matter of quality or quantity. Nothing that either of them will ever do will make what I have inside my heart and soul worth less. Their paths and ways may be different than mine but, that’s all, just different.

Never let anyone convince you differently. Never believe the lie that says that “different is less”.

*****

Yeah, I’m sure if I read back, I could find a post that’s similar to this one. I suppose that’s a good thing. It means that, for all my confusion and un-confusion, some views have remained fixed. It means that it’s ok to grow and it’s ok to stress out of care. It also means I haven’t changed how I feel or think. I still have my priorities straight. It also means I won’t have to decide who is more important. Rib-eye or Bacon? Bacon or Rib-eye? How ’bout a can of Dr Pepper and both? *grins* *inside joke, Aj and Z’ll get it and they’re the ones that matter* *grins again*

Hey guys, thanks for putting up with me and loving me back…

I Have No Clue How to Title This One…

This is the week, we hope, that the SCOTUS rules in favor of Marriage Equality. While we’re waiting, I’m trying to figure out what to write…

I’ve said all I can think of *editorial, I probably haven’t but…* to convince anyone that will listen that there is no more to fear from making Equal Rights equal…

*****

I had a long conversation with someone the other day that was convinced that his “religious freedom” would be compromised by Marriage Equality. I tried and tried to convince him, politely because I like the guy, that he was not correct. As much as I respect his views on every other topic, we’re not going to see it the same way. Perhaps because, as a Christian, I don’t feel infringed on by the actions or lives of others. My best friend that isn’t Z, is Pagan. She is not a threat to my faith. If Z were ever find a girl she wanted to marry, that wouldn’t be a threat either. My freedoms are not infringed on because of the freedoms of an other person. The free practice of my faith isn’t damaged by ANYONE else. I am secure in my beliefs. Nothing any person outside of me is capable of doing may shake them. Nothing will stop me from praying as I see fit. *sigh* I don’t suppose he and I will ever see eye to eye…

*****

I read the last and need to add this. My marriage is stronger because of Z. My views on Marriage Equality give me reasons to think about how I can be a good partner to my wife. Having Z as a person to talk to helps me in my life. That a group has to fight to gain a right I take for granted and that one of my marriage’s biggest supporters is being denied the same rights just p**es me right the f**k off. Pardon my French…

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One of the things I call a “hobby is “doing nice things for…” One of the reasons this blog exists is because Z in one of those “for…” people. *editorial, she’s one of 3 that fit in the “for…” spot* I had a lady tell me today, “Friendship is at its best when it is from both sides coming together in the middle. Otherwise, it is just one person enabling the other.” She is correct. Since Z prays for me and calms me down when I’m mad and gives me a person to dump stress on and makes me laugh, this seems like a fair return. Since she says there’s no obligation, it’s my own free will. Since I don’t do ANYTHING outside of work I don’t want to do, I’d agree…

It misses the point, though. I want to write for her. I love the Lady to pieces. I enjoy the feeling I get when I am able to find words that build her up. I like that it’s a “we” effort, even if she doesn’t proofread or screen what I write. Being part of a team feels good. That she’s the teammate that chose me, it feels better. I mean, do you have someone that, every time you think about them, you smile and feel a sense of belonging? Writing this means that one of the handful that I feel that way about is at the front of my mind. I think about what I’m going to write before I do. I write it. I start thinking about the next one. Lots of chances to smile and feel “warm fuzzies” *grins*

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For what it’s worth, if it weren’t for Z coming out to me, I’d have never written the blog. I might have done a few posts around the subject but, not this many and not this much effort. This is the point *I’ve made it before*, having someone you love as a motivation is the best motivation. If it wasn’t for that, we wouldn’t be here. To have a desire to motivate strangers to change the world for other strangers, altruism is not enough. It HAS to be personal. I’m just not that nice. The cynical part of me says no one is.

If you have the skill and desire to help a friend, do. For me, this is a way.

If you want your world changed, reach out. She didn’t ask me to do these. She does give me support. She encourages. Yes, for all that she’s real and listed in my phone as Z, there are parts of her life that are “out of bounds”. There are pieces I will never tell, not to any other human. That doesn’t lessen the reality of her. If it is safe, let someone know. *editorial, she knew I was an ally and we were friends for a few years before she told me. It just wasn’t germane ’till she did*

Even though the specifics of this blog are LBGT Rights, doesn’t have to mean that you’re gay. There are other reasons to try to change the way things are. There are other ways that society covers it’s eyes and ignores issues.

I’ve said it time and again, I have bias. I write because I can write for her. I continue to try to persuade because of one person. If I had it to do over, I’d still be writing the blog. The only change would have been to start sooner. I don’t think she and I would be as close if it weren’t for this. If for no other reason, that has made a big difference in my life. I’m self-centered. I love having her as an important part of my world. I’m glad I can do something in return.

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I don’t know if any of this made sense. It did to me. I hope it helps…

A Story About a Blog and a Friend, Yeah, It’s a Ramble

I think I’ve followed this train of thought before…or maybe not…

Writing the blog can be a great amount of fun. It allows me to do some things I enjoy. I am able to use the exercise of writing as a way to organize my thoughts and philosophies. It allows me to explore my faith and world view. It allows me to build up and tease Z at the same time. *sometimes, I think the praise embarrasses her* It allows me to try to show her to the World. It is my own “pride parade” since the only way I will march in a real one is if I’m walking with her. *I am prouder of Z than these words will ever express and it’s only in the tiniest bit because she’s not hiding who she is. Her life is worth being proud of*

It can also be something that I hate. There is a constant reminder that strangers hold her life against her. That the reason for the blog is to convince people that she has worth.

I wish…I wish…I wish…

She IS NOT the hateful words people use. Those words and thoughts do not apply. The words that do apply include warm, caring, intelligent, sarcastic, wild, loving, rebellious, sane, witty, athletic, patriotic, short *grins*, cute, brave, and a bunch more…

Truth be told, it takes far more courage for her to allow me to use her as the focal point of this blog than I have. I’m merely the voice.

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Some good things have come out of this. We’ve become close. I mean, we were friends before a couple of years ago, just not close. Then I started posting some pro-LBGT stuff on Facebook and she kept commenting. I thought “cool, a ‘fellow traveler'” because I thought she was straight. Funny thing, it turns out I was wrong. Who knew? *editorial, for lots of reasons, some outside the context of this, I had NO idea. That and I wasn’t looking for a date since I’m very happily married* Since we started writing, really I write and it’s a we because it is, there has been a huge amount of trust built up. Like has turned to love. Truly, I love Z. *editorial, I NEVER use the word “love” casually. I do not say it or write it by accident or as a way to express “like”. She uses that word, too. In fact, if memory serves, she used it first* *grins* She’s one of my two closest friends that are not my wife. The fact that she trusts me to write for her means more to me than I can say. That I am able to tell her the stuff that I don’t tell anyone else besides Sweety has come from that.

She’s more of a socially outgoing person than I am. I don’t want a bunch of “friends”. I don’t “run around” much. I’m much more of a “work and go home” person. It’s a difference that we have. For me, crowds and noise are just “unfun”.

I have learned from her. She is herself. She makes no bones about it. There is not a speck of pretense in the woman. You don’t like her or what she is? She doesn’t care. In fact, I get more offended by comments made by random people and co-workers than she does. I’m nowhere close to being as self-confident as she is

We talk often…well as often as our schedules permit. We try to have a phone call a day. It doesn’t happen that often but, often enough. It’s nice to have someone that doesn’t want anything from you but, your continued well being. Just a voice on a phone to vent to or ask silly questions or bounce thoughts off of.

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I don’t know where the story will end. Within the month, the SCOTUS will rule on the Marriage Equality cases before it. I know what I want and expect to happen. I don’t know if it will. I do know that however that turns out, it won’t be the end of the blog or it’s current topic. Just because the laws will be changed, prejudices and pushback won’t. I expect that the states won’t let it pass without more laws and attempts to repress. *sigh*…and I’ll keep writing…

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I don’t know how the current focus of the blog will change. I don’t know what variations it will go through. The exercise of writing is fun. The subject matter, Z, is worth the effort. I’d like it if she would share some of her own words even if I don’t expect that to ever happen.

For now, this post was just a story, a true story. I receive comments like “You are such a fine friend!” and think, “no, I’m not.” I’m just a friend. I’m doing this for Z. It isn’t for praise. It is what I’m SUPPOSED to do. If I’m willing to tell her, in private, that she’s loved, I should do it in public. It is my privilege to be able to write.That’s all…

Thanks, to you, readers. In the grand scheme of things, y’all are important. If you don’t read these, then there’s no point. My views are set. Z is who she is. It is your opinions that matter. It is you we are trying to influence. When you comment and it builds up Z, that matters. When you are encouraged, that matters. When you show approval for my friend, those words are important.

You, all of you, in the 35, i think, countries that have read these, have lives and loves. Those matter, too. That is also the point. This may be a blog about LBGT rights as a specific focus but, it is really about treating ALL humans with the basic respect and dignity we all deserve.

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There ya go. For what it’s worth, if you told me two years ago I’d be writing a blog and a story about writing a blog, I wouldn’t have believed you. No way would I have thought that a married guy and a girl that likes girls would have been able to do this. I wish the circumstances were different. “I love me some Z”. She truly is a treasure. She is an inspiration to me. Not only is she my favorite L, she’s my favorite Z. I’m glad she’s the only Z I know. Otherwise, I’d have to decide which is my favorite. *grins*…I still hope she decides to write one of these…and really don’t expect it…

Thanks for coming along with us, so far.

The Z Agenda

Okie dokie. I thought I’d drop a quick post this morning. I’ve written this blog for some time, about a year and a half. It kind of morphed from being a blog about my growth to a blog about LBGT Rights. I think that’s part of the growth process, learning to step outside myself. It has an “agenda”. I thought I’d make that clear. I’m not really altruistic when I write. I do write for a specific person, Z aka The Muse. I love my wife. She’s the only person I’ve ever “romantically” loved in my life. She’s the only person I ever intend to love that way. I am ENTIRELY faithful and dedicated to her. I also love Z. She’s as close to me as it is possible for me to allow any human to be.

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The Z Agenda is…

I don’t care who she loves as long as it is not a crime. I don’t care what she does as long as it is not self-destructive. I will support whatever decisions she makes as long as I am able. I don’t want to see her come to harm. I do want her to find a Love that is worth her. I will pray for the best for her for the rest of my life.

I do care what her faith is because, she is the first Christian I go to for prayer and want it to stay that way. If she were to change that, I would have to find a new “first Christian” and, being selfish, I don’t want to…

That is the Agenda. It says nothing about gay or straight, male or female. I DO NOT care. It is her life to live and mine to be supportive of…that’s it.

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For what it’s worth. There are lots of Z’s. There are a lot of people that are as unique as she is and as worthy of having a voice. I found mine. Find your’s and speak for them. If a bunch of us do, perhaps WE can change the World for ALL the Z’s.