I told Sara that I was going to “throw her under the bus” in this post. She’s the “Z” in my previous. I was partially joking, i think. She’s a great lady that happens to be gay. She’s not afraid to be who she is. She has had consequences for that. She’s also a person that accepted me as I am.
My name is Miller Davidge III. I am a nice guy, mostly. Sometimes I am an absolute coward. I fear stepping out on a limb and making a stand. I am an ex-addict. I could not accept myself for who I was. I spent decades loathing myself and not caring much about anyone else. I am not that person now. I have found that I care very much for people in specific, my wife, Z, and another friend Aj are the top of that list.
The other day, i was going to stop this blog and the posts that have gained a mind of their own on Facebook. I am blatantly in support of marriage equality. I am never going to consign my friends to hell because Christianity, my faith, says that they should be since they are gay or Pagan. I can not find that i my heart. What happened was that I became concerned that by naming Sarah, I was doing her harm. That some of her students or employer of family might find her offensive. I was concerned *read stressed as hell* that my attempt to help her might be selfish and that my motive to help might cause harm. I told her that I was going to stop being outspoken.
Sarah, wouldn’t let me. She told me that I was supposed to keep speaking out. That what I am doing is a good thing. She told me to name her name. She wouldn’t let me back down. Did I mention that I am a coward? She is far braver than I am. I told her that I will keep on. I did make a condition. I need her to be my conscience and my sounding board. I need a “gay ally”. She is it.
We can walk a path. We can walk it alone. It is far better if we have allies.
I reread this and realize it needs an edit. Z is not my “gay ally”. That makes light of things. She is my friend. Period. Gay has not one tiny thing to do with it. In the 5 years I have known her, she has never been anything but a friend. Why should that change?