Some times I write to me. Some times I write for me. Some times I write about something. This time I’m doing a kind of a follow up on something I said in my last. I’m writing about a couple of someones. There’s a point or two here, too.
I count my life as the last 8 odd years sober. I’ve known both of these women for the majority of it. For me, that’s a long time.
Aj is my best friend that is not my wife. I don’t know every detail of her past. I’m not sure I’m ever going to. That’s ok. What I do know is that she loves her husband. She loves her daughter. That she will tell me the truth every time. That she cares very deeply. That she can encourage and kick in the a$$ in the same sentence. That, no matter how dumb I might be. she is on my side. That, when I do or say something stupid to my wife, she tells me to stfu and go fix it. That she has a smart a$$ sense of humor. I don’t quite know how it happened but, one day we realized that we were best friends and neither of us quite realized how that happened. She is a person of strong faith. There are not words to express how much I love this lady. I don’t mean in the romantic sense but, the “my life wouldn’t be the same without her in it” way. She’s a rock and a fixed point that I can always count on. I hope y’all have someone like her in your life.
Z is Z. Sounds simplistic but, you gotta know the lady. She’s smart as a whip. Like Aj, I don’t know every detail of her past. She loves her kids. She cares deeply for people that are given slight regard by society and stands up for them. She’s more smart a$$ than I am. That takes work. She’s someone I go to for prayer. For me, that’s important. I call her, and Aj, my cousins. One day, I realized she had kind of crept in to my world. That I looked around to see how she was doing and wondered when I didn’t know. I love the lady to pieces. My life would be diminished if she weren’t in my world.
There are a couple other things. Unimportant things, really.
One day I made a snarky comment about “burning a witch” Aj called me on it. Found out that she happens to be Pagan. Ok, and? That is just a part of her. Doesn’t change the good, in fact, it is part of who she is so, it must be a good thing for her because she’s a great lady. I had known her for 4 years at that point. Being Pagan really doesn’t change anything. She’s not my “best friend that is not my wife and is Pagan”. She is my bftinmw. Period. Do you see the point and the distinction?
Different thing, I’d been supporting marriage equality for some time and somewhere in there I found out that Z was gay. I just thought we were both on the same side of the issue because great minds thought alike. That we were both for ‘equal protection under the law” because it was the right thing to do. For what it’s worth, it is the right thing to do. Anyway, I never knew. Known her for 5 years and it never came up. Why? I’m married. I don’t want to date Z. I just want her in my world. What difference does it make who she dates? It isn’t going to be me no matter the circumstance. It’s just a part, a tiny part, of the greater whole.
Do you guys see the point I’m trying to make? People are composites and confusing collections of stuff. We are complicated bits of things seen and unseen.
My demographic , Christian, white, males would, mostly, look at one aspect of either of these ladies and decide that they were “sinners” and worth less. My demographic would use the “against my religion” card as a reason to marginalize them. Pardon my language but, fuck my demographic. If a bunch of snooty ass, middle aged, white men with an inflated sense of self worth and religious rightness want to say that people that I have found to be people I love are without worth, then something is totally wrong. It isn’t Aj or Z, either.
I hope you see what I see in Aj and Z. I wouldn’t change them if I could. I love them just the way they are. I’ll always be for them. they are my friends and I NEVER use that word casually.