I said, yesterday, that I was “worried” for a couple of friends. The one I expected to call me out on it did. I think that I could have used a word with a different connotation. “Worried” implies stress. I’m not sure what word best fits. What I should have said was that they are in my thoughts and I want the best for them. I understand that I don’t usually get what I want. That’s ok. It would be a good thing, in these circumstances, if I did get my way. I’m not stressing. What I am doing is keeping them close to the front of my thinking and doing my best to send “positive energy” their way. *editorial, they are usually close to the front of my thoughts any way*
Here’s a different bit.
I’ve been a massively self-destructive person. I spent a very long time perfecting that skill set.I am not that person now. Where this is going is this. The difficulty I had with Christianity was the “love your neighbor as you love yourself” bit. When you don’t even like yourself, much less love, how do you fit it all together? When your fondest wish is to not exist and you lack even the courage to end things, how can you have faith? I do love, now. I like the person I am now. I do not hold my past against myself. In fact, who I was is the creator of who I am now. Still, it has been hard to learn those lessons. I can, sometimes, forget my past for as many as a few hours. I still don’t love or like myself all the time. It does get easier every day. I’m just glad I don’t hate myself every second that I am awake.
This is a different different thought.
I believe that we are created the way that God wants us to be. I do not believe that He made any mistakes. *my Pagan friends might disagree with my view. oh well, this is my view* I believe that He created us in His own image. I further believe that He created some people to be gay. He created people to have beliefs other than Christianity. I do not believe that was a mistake. I believe that it is not a sin to be the way you are created. I don’t know why He did it. I do not presume to understand the Mind of God. I believe that He had His reasons. It is neither my place nor my job to question those reasons.
Related different thought.
I write these with the support of Aj and Z. I write these for Aj and Z. The reason I use them specifically is because I want them to be seen as individuals. To paraphrase a quote, two people are real, numbers with zero’s are fiction. I want people to realize that when they think “those people over there”, that there are real lives being affected by their thoughts, actions, and votes. I don’t want my friends to be seen as faceless numbers. I want them seen as the warm, caring, loving individuals they are. I want it to be hard to marginalize my friends because they aren’t part of a number anymore. Prejudice is easy when it’s them. It becomes much harder when it becomes “I’m prejudiced against that person right there. She doesn’t deserve the rights I take for granted”. Having to put a face on what you are against, and realizing it looks just like you, makes prejudice harder. I want the prejudice against my friends to be as hard as it possibly can be. If you have to think “I hate Aj” and keep doing it, I can’t stop you. If you have to think “I hate Z”, I can’t stop that either. What I do want is, when you do that, to think “I hate Miller, too” because I will always be in support of those two ladies.
Think about this, too. If you like or, as i do, love these ladies, I do not want it to be for part of them. Please don’t think “I love Aj because she’s Pagan”. That is just a part of her. Please do not think “I love Z because she’s gay”. Again, that’s just a portion of her. There is more to either of these ladies than just those parts. Love them for all of themselves.
What I also don’t want is for you to think “I like Miller because he stands up for his friends”. That is what I’m supposed to do. I wouldn’t be much of a friend if I didn’t.
I also write these for me. I don’t want to admit it but, I’m proud of myself. I must be doing something right for Aj and Z to have decided I had enough worth to be their friend. I must have really done something right for my wife to decide I was worth marrying. Since I am proud of myself, I have to stand up and be a show off. I want people to see my treasures. *i think i might have said something like that before a time or six*
If you fit one of the demographics I happen to be for, I’ve got your back, too. Even if it happens to be by way of Aj and Z.
I think that’s enough thinking…for now