I Hate Peas…A Parody

I really don’t like peas. Liking peas is not natural. They’re little, green, uchy, and they taste funny.

I don’t understand why anyone else would like peas.

It would be ok if pea lovers just wanted to do their pea eating in private. I wouldn’t have a problem with that. It’s just that those nasty pea lovers want to be treated just like real people. Seriously, they think that they have the right to do their pea loving in public. Children  might  see them. How would we explain that? Children might think that pea eating is normal. They might think that it’s ok to be a pea lover. 

I could never allow that.

I think that pea lovers decided to be pea lovers. I bet it was because other pea lovers encouraged them to love peas. There’s no way that a child brought up in a normal pea hating family could have ever not been a pea hater if they hadn’t made that choice. 

I think that anyone that likes peas should be repressed. In fact, I think I’ll make a law that says that if anyone likes peas, they aren’t allowed to get married. I think I’ll make it legal to fire pea lovers without any reason other than they like peas. They shouldn’t be allowed to adopt kids because they might make other pea lovers.

I’ll convince myself that I’m doing it for the sake of the pea lovers. I’ll make myself believe that i’m hating the pea and loving the pea lover. I’ll find some logic that says I’m taking as stand for the Church and against false dogma. I think God made a mistake when He allowed pea lovers to love peas. I’ll bully them into thinking that pea love is a sin and that God hates them. I bet, if I looked, I could find a Scripture that says something close to what I want. 

I’ll also vilify the pea lover lovers. They are contributing to the problem by encouraging the pea lovers. They have convinced the pea lovers that normal society approves of pea loving. They would allow pea lovers to do their nasty pea things in public *gasp*.

As long as I live, I’ll keep finding reasons to hate the pea lovers and their supporters. Pea loving is just wrong. Damn all the pea lovers.


 I don’t like peas. Don’t eat them if I can avoid it. I was using peas to make light of something that is far more serious. Un-reasoned hate, no matter the excuse, hurts the hater. 

 It’s better to love and be loved than to live without.

If you want to eat peas, go ahead. It’s ok.

If you want to love who you want “just like normal people”, I’m good with that. Please just tell me one thing, which of us is normal?

If you want me to support your pea loving, just do me one favor, don’t put them on my plate. I don’t like them. On the other hand, if you want me to support your right to eat them, then you don’t even have to ask, I already do. 


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