Gotta Find a Better Title Than “I Was Thinking”

This is an exercise. It is an exercise for my memory to remember what I have written. It is an exercise for my self discipline to put some words down every day. It is an exercise of my respect for people I care about to say, every day, that they deserve equal rights. It is an exercise of my commitment to make sure that I do not take a day off. It is an exercise for the rest of my mind to try to find the words that might persuade an other to change their views. It is an exercise of love and passion.

I wonder if it gets old to see that I haven’t decided to stop posting these thoughts? I wonder if I am becoming a broken record repeating the same lines over and over and never getting to the end of the song?

I read people saying being gay is a “choice”. That God didn’t make them that way. That thought encounters several difficulties. First, I asked Z, she said she never decided to be gay. Second, the concept of “free will” does not exist in the Bible. Not one place does it even come up as an implied concept. Third, if you assume that God is omniscient and omnipotent and then say that something is done by a human that goes “against the Will of God”, you have disqualified the statement. It is an either/or kind of proposition. *editorial, I wrestle with the free will thing all the time. These posts feel like free will, just not sure if it’s will or programming*


I started writing this page as a place to advocate for two friends, Aj and Z. I still write these for Aj sometimes. Mostly, they have turned into an advocacy for Z. I don’t mean not to write for Aj and I am sure she understands because she is my “best friend that is not my wife”. She has been an encouragement to me to start and continue writing. The reason it is mostly about Z is simple. It narrows my focus. It is also because I know Z. I am HER advocate. To veer, the path that ended with my wife and I becoming married was a convoluted one that can only be explained by it being the Will of God. The path that brought me to the point where I write these for Z is similarly convoluted, if different.

Everyone needs an advocate. I decided/was allowed to be the person that stands up for Z. For whatever reason, she allows me to write about her. Hows that? A married straight guy writes to protect his lesbian friend. Talk about a strange combination, we are one. To reach my goal of Z having the same rights and protections as I do, the world has to change. That means that we, she and I, have to try to make a change in the way she is viewed. She does it by living her life out there. I do it by writing these posts and trying to use her as an example. To use a Texasism she’s “good people”. She poses no threat…unless you are a pound of bacon or wish her kids harm. I wish you could see in her what I, and her friends, do. If, perhaps, you would meet her then you would understand why she deserves equality. She would correct me and say “all humans deserve human rights”. She would be correct. For me, though, I would say Z deserves equal rights and to get there we have to give them to all humans. Either is a fair statement. I’m just middle aged and do much better with specifics than generalities.


Thanks to Aj for understanding that I’ve drifted away, lately, from being as much an advocate for not “Pagan bashing”. We happen, as a nation, to be coming to a tipping point in the campaign for marriage equality.

Thanks to Z for allowing me to be her advocate.

Thanks to both of y’all because, outside of my wife, there are not two other ladies I would rather have in my life.



  1. I can try to explain the choice theory a little. I actually did make a choice at one point. For a long time, for most of my life, I chose to hide that I was gay and I chose to live a straight life. I chose to act straight. All the while knowing it was not who I was. But I got to a point in my life, where I was really struggling with my own identity because I am not straight. It wasn’t working anymore. I was having trouble pulling the straight charade off. I find women beautiful and desirable and its hard to hide something like that. (I have many wonderful, beautiful male friends, as well. Miller being just one of them) I was not created straight. I was created gay. I was tired of wearing a “straight jacket” and wanted to be me, openly. I still had a lot of living left to do in my life and didn’t want to be personally miserable under my real joy of having a beautiful family. I’m allowed to be happy, too. I love my family. I love my kids. I like who I am. All of me.

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