Being a Parent

To start, I’m not one. I don’t have any kids. biological or otherwise. I have one person that, if I had kids, I wish mine were like. She’s also someone that, because we were co-workers, is really a peer even if the age difference, she’s 19 and I’m 51, would make her my kid.

We were talking. She made this comment…”Miller I wish my own parents share this type of love to the whole me being a lesbian I know they love me but they just don’t approve and I’ve had such a distant connection to them that the only family I have around me is people like you that can truly put aside the difference of my sexual preferences and see me for who I am.”

That’s where my “parenting” instinct, small as it is, kicks in. I read that and I’m saddened, for her and THEM. They have a great kid. They really do. They are just blinded to it and are missing out. When all you see is that they are a lesbian and you “just don’t approve”, then it’s your loss…and theirs.

I think that part of being a parent is telling your kid you “approve” of them. Sure, care and feeding are important but, as we grow older, we want our parents emotional support. We want someone to tell us that we’ve become good adults. We want the parent/child relationship to grow into friendship. We want to not be condemned for being ourselves.

Cassie, I’m not inviting you over to do laundry. *grins* I might invite you over for a meal. We don’t watch TV, so that’s out. I’d love you if you were my kid but, I’m not that. I don’t really want to be your parent because, I don’t want to have to criticize the other decisions that you make, like what car to drive or clothes, or music. I’ll be your friend, if you don’t mind. I’ll always be old enough to be your dad. That’s fine. I’ll catch your back and give you the emotional support I have, when I can. I’ll also be praying that your parents come to their senses and see the person I see.

To Cassie’s Parents, you raised a fine young human. She deserves your love and approval. That she’s a lesbian is not a failure on your part. That you are pushing her away because of it is. I hope you come to your senses and see the person the rest of us see. I hope you tell her that you have. In the mean time, I’ll try to cover for you. If she needs an adult to treat her with dignity and respect, I’ve got that covered. If she needs someone to tell her she’s a great human just the way she is, I’ll do that, too. If you can’t see your way to telling your child that she has worth, I’ll do it, even if it’s not my job. Being gay is a TINY part of her and, frankly, none of your business. Your child is an adult, now, and following her own path. I suppose you did notice that because she’s here and y’all are far away. *sigh*

One comment

  1. There’s someone in my life who’s “lifestyle” is also not approved by a parent. This makes no sense to me. It’s like saying I don’t approve that yoy breathe oxygen. It isn’t up for approval. It simply is. In fact, in all its deviceiveness, it’s neutral on the approval scale. Welcome to the”family” Cassie.

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