Collateral Damage

I’m using a post by my friend, Aj for this one…
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Collatteral Damage
Being a water baby I do my best thinking in the shower. While in the shower today a thought occurred to me.

“Do we REALLY have any idea what kind of impact we have with our words?”

I just wonder if the strict bible believing parents who preach that it is a sin to be gay and that it is shameful and immoral, really know what impact they have. Or, more importantly how far that impact can reach.

Let’s just imagine for a moment if we will that we are teaching our children it is wrong, immoral or inappropriate to be gay. Let’s just assume that it worked fine for the first child and that child grew to teach the same things to his/her family. Now let us look at child number 2 or 3. We are teaching all of our children the same lessons. We are teaching them all to have the same values we have. BUT… are we considering the fact that all children are individuals? They each have their own personalities. Are we considering that maybe child 2 or child 3 could be gay? Of course we aren’t. Because being gay is a choice right? Because they could not possibly have been born that way. So we do one of two things, we either refuse to acknowledge and believe they are gay or we chastise them for making a choice that is so wrong and vile. Either way, we are doing detrimental damage to this child.

We raise our children in a world where we tell them they can be anything they want to be. We tell them they can be a doctor or a lawyer. We tell them they can be the next president of the united states. They can be anything they want to be. BUT, They can not be gay. We are teaching our children to live in lies and shame.

When you force a child to live with your values you are refusing to let that child be an individual. You are refusing to let that child bloom into whatever it was they were meant to be. When you are so vocal and so condescending, when you are so judgmental of those that are different from you or what YOU perceive to be good, you are teaching child number 2 or 3 that you will not love them if they are not what you approve of. You are teaching your child to lie and pretend to be some one they are not in order to obtain your love.

As if this is not enough damage, you are damaging the future of this child and all of their relationships. This child was born gay. That is something you are refusing to accept. Because this child knows you will never love them if they are gay, they pretend they are not. Sometimes going through the teen and young adult years alone because they have no idea what they are supposed to do. Sometimes marrying and even having children because that is what “they are supposed to do”. Now your morals and values are far reaching. Now you have an in law and grandchildren that are living the lie. Now there is an innocent party that has been pulled into this lie. This “in law” has no idea that child number 2 or 3 is gay because child number 2 or 3 is still lying to him/herself. Now we have children added to that.

When someone is born gay, and they ARE, they can only fight it for so long. Eventually this child, now become adult, gets tired of living the lie. There comes a point where the NEED to be who you are born to be becomes so overwhelming that at this point, it does not matter who gets hurt. This child has been hurting for so many years and has lived their entire life as a lie, that pain overflows and becomes toxic to all that are involved. The “inlaw” we spoke of becomes collateral damage. Child number 2 or 3 never intended to hurt the “in law”. All they wanted was to please you, the parent. The in law is now devastated, has lost all hopes and dreams and does not understand why they were pulled into a lie to begin with. Child number 2 or 3 experiences the guilt and pain of having hurt someone who was innocent and only loved them. What about those grandchildren we spoke of earlier?

Those grandchildren are now devastated because mom and dad are splitting up. These children now wonder what they did wrong and why their mom and dad dont love them any more. These children are now a product of a broken home. We wont even go into the struggles of a single parent or what THOSE effects have on children, although all of this was caused by your closed mind and refusal to accept that someone could be not only born gay, but be a good person in spite of it.

How many generations do you have to reach down into before you start to realize that maybe, JUST MAYBE, there is nothing wrong with being gay. MAYBE just because you don’t understand it DOESN’T make it wrong. MAYBE you should have been more open minded and loved your children equally and unconditionally. MAYBE, you should have listened to your child instead of your bible.

The bible was written by men. Men have opinions and make mistakes. I am not here to slam anyone that believes in the Christian faith, but to live your life by a book that blatantly contradicts itself in more than one area should make you wonder if it should really be the law of your life.

We as people are free to make our own choices. We are free to choose our faith. We are free to choose our mate. Would you really like it if all of a sudden your choice of a mate or partner were outlawed? What if all of a sudden it was illegal to marry someone of the opposite sex? Would you still be with someone of the opposite sex? I mean after all, laws are made by men. The same type of men that wrote that book. Men that believe that what THEY believe is right and everyone else is wrong.

Think again about how far your impact has reached. You follow a book written by men. Your child is gay and feels unloved their entire childhood. Now you have a grown adult child that is gay and you are struggling to understand how this could have happened. You did everything right. You taught them about brimstone and fire. Why did they do this to YOU?? REALLY?

Why did you do this to them? Why did you do this to their family? Why did you do this to their children?

Why do any of us need to be so close minded that we can not see the pain we are causing to so many? Why can we not just love each other and let them be who they are? Why is any of that an issue or a problem?

My daughter will be raised to know that people are people and that none are superior nor inferior to another. My daughter will be taught to love people for who they are, not for who they love.

How will you raise yours?


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