Not Your Job to Out Anyone But Yourself

This is a post that Z kind of asked me to write. *editorial, she really just suggested I consider it.*

I haven’t written about Z, by name, in a few posts. She’s the “Muse” for these. She allows me to use her name. She is “out”.

Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, was NOT publicly out. He was outed. The way he was outed was by a bonehead making a comment on CNN. The silence that followed that comment was deafening. The commentator did not respect the privacy of the man. He made a comment just to show that he knew something. In my opinion, just because you know something does not give you the right to say it.

I will never have that difficulty. My “coming out” was as a vocal ally. That has caused a tiny bit of conflict and a few discussions with friends. It has not caused or had the potential to cause anything else. In the case of my friends, coming out was a VERY different thing. It was something that was the result of much soul searching. It caused hardship and difficulty. It created chaos within their families. It was also a decision that they decided to make. It was not, to the best of my knowledge, made for them.

We DO NOT have the right to out someone. It is NEVER our privilege to take away that decision from someone. We might make the argument that it doesn’t matter if someone is LBGT. To us, allies and friends, that is correct. That doesn’t change the fact that we are not the person faced with the consequences.

The argument could be made, “I was just telling the truth”. Yes, you were, and if the person is out, then the timing doesn’t matter. If they are not, then you have taken away the freedom of that person deciding what the right timing is.

I don’t care if someone is gay. *editorial, I’ve said it before, the only time I really remember that my gay friends are gay is when I write the blog* It shouldn’t matter to anyone. The sad fact is, prejudice exists. Once someone is out, there are people that will be prejudiced against them. The sad truth is that not everyone shares my view that who you love is less important than the capacity for it. That being LBGT should be a non-factor when it comes to judging the character of another human.

To recap, unless you have been given SPECIFIC permission to mention it and know that someone is publicly out, keep your damn mouth shut and mind your own business.

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4 comments

  1. My favorite part:who you love is less important than the capacity for it.

    2nd favorite:unless you have been given SPECIFIC permission to mention it and know that someone is publicly out, keep your damn mouth shut and mind your own business.

  2. Thanks Z. The first line is a quote of myself. Said that in a blog or six. *grins*
    The second is the point of this post. Had you not given me specific permission before I even started writing the blog, you wouldn’t be mentioned at all. Your privacy and you, the person, are more important than any words or any point I could make.

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