You realize you guys have made me a better husband. I mean, Kelly, you know my past.You know how much I balk at the “love” stuff because I have a hard time believing it about myself. Sweety was my first love. Aj came along and kept pounding into my head that I have worth. I started to believe it. Then I started writing and realized that I couldn’t write about love and it’s worth without believing it further. As it progressed I realized that the more I said “I love Z to pieces” the more I realized MY capacity for it and that if I could do that, I HAD to have worth. Somewhere in the middle, Z stayed the focus but, the writing, although it named her, became more inclusive of specific people I know.
Tracking so far?
Miller Davidge III
Anyway, the more it spread, the better I got at it. It makes me a better husband because the more I use it, the stronger it gets for HER. Make sense? Anyway, every time you guys give me a reason for the “warm fuzzies” either because I write to you or you say nice stuff to me or because of the trust you’ve shared with me or any of the other reasons I love you guys for being yourselves, it gives me more love to give to Sweety. That and by being around strong married couples I become a better husband.
This was the body of a conversation I had with Kelly. She said it should be a blog post. So, this is it…
Now for some thoughts…I think about marriage a lot. I married late, late 40’s, for the first time. Falling in love and getting married was something I thought happened to other people, never to me. As a result, being the best possible husband is important to me. I try to associate with people and couples that have the same values. That they don’t take their partner for granted or, if they’re single, have the qualities, capacity for love, honesty, and loyalty that I want around me. Because I seem to like women better than men as friends, those couples tend to be Lesbian couples and not straight. Because Z is a girl that likes girls, I am predisposed toward liking them as friends. It is easy for me to see in them the things I want in my marriage.
I assume, and could be wrong, Kelly may correct me, that because their relationship was stigmatized they tend to have an “us against the world” outlook and a greater appreciation for the gift they have in their partner. *editorial, I could be completely incorrect. For once, I didn’t ask*
Anyway, the point of this post is this… Strong couples make strong marriages. The words “gay marriage” no longer apply. Marriages are marriages. Period. Being around strong marriages strengthens mine. Watching how couples interact teaches me. It doesn’t matter to me how many wives or husbands there are as long as it equals a loving couple. I can learn from any of them.
I also told Kelly I’d write it as long as I could put this on it…
“This post is for Kelly& Shelby, Denise & Beth, Z and all the others that have taught me by their example.” The best teachers are the ones that teach, not with words, but with their lives…