I’m the One That’s Abnormal…

Interestingly, this should follow my last three posts…“I Want Z Back”“Because Aj and Z”, and “Aj Was My First Pagan…”

Aj did set the stage. I learned, and still learn, from her. I learned that it is possible to be “not Christian” and still be a moral person. I learned that innate goodness can be a quality that exists apart from my own moral construct. That a strong view of good and evil does not have to include the Christian concept of sin. She didn’t teach me to be “open minded” as much as less caring that some people do things differently than others. That my way is not necessarily the only “correct way, it’s only correct for ME…

Next was Z. When she came out to me, I was “flustered” for a couple of days…then I realized not one thing about her or our interaction was different…*editorial, I lie, we do interact differently because of this blog…I give a further lie to what I just said in the first post in the list above “I Want Z Back”* What I should more correctly say is “she hasn’t changed” and I had to adapt to knowing something I didn’t know.

Anyway, the basic truth is, Aj was the first Pagan I was close to. Z is the first Lesbian I was close to. Z is a trusted friend and a Treasure. She owns a place in my heart reserved for loved ones. *other editorial, “love” is a word never used casually* I digress…She is also “normal”. Being Lesbian doesn’t change her morality. She’s Christian and, yeah, I had to adapt my thinking…again…to fit that. I had to learn that being gay does not mean you can not be a Christian. It just means that some people say you can not, that’s all…

So, I started writing this blog and along came Kelly. After one of my first posts she made shared it with the comment, paraphrase, “he sees me as human” or some such, with a real sense of wonder. Kelly is both Pagan and Lesbian.

Funny thing, when I write about Aj, the underlying context is Pagan. Here, she’s the thought for Religious Freedom. Writing about Z puts her in the “Lesbian box”. As much as I wish it didn’t. *other other editorial, not that I have a difficulty with her being gay, just wish it wasn’t the only thing that comes up. She’s far more than merely that part. Kind of looking at one petal and missing the rose*

Back to Kelly. I just see “Kelly”, not the aspects or “context”, just her. I see her family pictures. I see Kelly and her wife and outings, cookouts, and trips with their kid…and it’s normal. It’s just a family with a kid they love. Sure, there are two moms but, so effing what? It’s a family. I love watching them. They’re fiercely protective of each other and the kid. It’s what a family does, they love and protect and enjoy being a family. Nothing immoral. Nothing different than any other family that does things right…because they do. Kid’s gonna grow up to be a good adult because of the way the kid is being raised. Moms are gonna make sure of that. Just a family…

So, I’ve grown. It isn’t that I “adapted” or fell into the “trap of the gay agenda”. It’s just that I had to learn. I had two choices reject people I’ve come to love or change to be able to keep them. Easier, far easier, to change me. More to the point, I never want to reject someone for something that is innate to them and makes no difference to me. Tossing away someone because my normal and theirs aren’t in lockstep is stupid and short sighted. They are not immoral, just not the same as me. That’s all…and the funny thing is, they are EXACTLY the same. We have the same wants, needs, and desires in life.

It doesn’t matter that we share a faith, that doesn’t instill morality. It doesn’t matter that some are gay and I’m straight, that doesn’t change the condition of the heart. It matters that they love their faith. It matters that they treat me with dignity and respect for being different from them.

You see, to them, I’m abnormal. To the Pagans, my faith has persecuted theirs. To the Lesbians, straight white males have denigrated, slandered, and repressed them. By all rights, they should have a prejudice against ME. Yet, they don’t judge me, they accept and embrace me. They call me “loved”. They are more willing to love me than my past as a homophobic male has any reason to deserve…

I’ve learned. “Normal” is the most subjective of words. Who are we to impose our view of it on anyone else? Aj taught me that Pagan is normal. Z taught me that Lesbian is normal. Kelly taught me that families are families. They are all Treasures. They allow “abnormal” me to share their lives. They have been more patient with me than I deserve. For that, and their lives, they have my gratitude.



  1. Well friend, you surly have to know more about God, if you say you are a Christian. Spend time reading God’s word and pray as well. Never let the devil make you think everything is normal. You know good and bad right. Never let the darkness of the world steal you from God.

    1. I’ve read the Bible more than twice. There are 60 odd things called “abomination”. In fact, you probably commit “abomination” daily. Calling people I’ve come to love “bad” goes against the “words in red” ie the words of Jesus himself. When there is a conflict, those are the ones I use. It is an interesting point that I think that being judgmental or forcing others do do exactly as I would is “bad”. Without knowing me, you have judged me. “If you say you are a Christian” you know we are called, specifically, not to do that. Not knowing how much time I spend, daily, in prayer ie “without ceasing”, you’ve decided I do not. Perhaps, no disrespect intended, you should take your own advice. Have a nice day…and stop judging Christians.

      1. Am not judging you my friend, in fact I do not judge, the Bible tells me not to do so. I just wanted to advice you. God bless
        And sorry if those words offended you. I didn’t judge you.

  2. All good. I’ve prayed, pondered, and considered. I came to the conclusions I have after much soul searching. I knew the Z in the post, first as a Christian. She’s my “prayer partner” and the first Christian I go to when MY demons attack. I am an ex, and ten years sober, addict. I have my demons and nightmares. I am convinced HER prayer helps. Who, then, am I to say she’s of the devil or an abomination? Aj and Kelly, in their own ways, also pray for me, and I them. My “normal” is subjective to me. I’ll never be Pagan or gay but, I can not judge their lives except by what I see. I see kind, loving, faithful, and loyal humans. It is my belief God loves ALL his Creations, not just the ones that look like me…So, I get defensive and protective of the ones I love…

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