There Is Nothing About This That I Want To Write…

I wrote yesterday’s and then, later I talked to one of the people I love. *sigh* There are things that I wish I could change. There are hurts I would take on myself to take away from people I love…

It is never ok to blame a victim. It is never ok to say “she brought it on herself”. We have this idea that coming forward “ruins the promising life of a young man”. No. His actions hurt a promising young lady and, now, his actions have ruined his own life. It isn’t the victim’s fault if she comes forward. Blame has NEVER been her’s…

Rape victims did not bring it on themselves. Saying “she’s a tease”, “she shouldn’t have been drunk”, “she shouldn’t have dressed like that”, “she could have said no”, “she was asking for it”, or any other excuse a rapist can make does NOT excuse rape. Period. If she doesn’t say “yes”, the answer is no. Her body belongs to her. She is not an object or a possession to be used. Even after the fact, she is not “damaged” or “ruined”. Something was done TO her against her will. To me, that is the ultimate crime, making the inside of someone “not safe”. To have given them a reason to think they deserve what happened or how they feel afterward is the true violation.

What we have, all we will ever be, is inside our skin. Our hearts, minds, and souls occupy that space. It is the only one we have and the only thing we will own. To violate that is to presume that what we want is more important than that person. We are not. There is no value in my life that makes it greater than another’s. When I die, the world ends…for me. It is the same for every other person on the planet. Why, then, is the perception that HER life and body would be any less valuable?

*sigh*

There will be more posts. For now, this is all I am able to process or write. These NEED to be written. Men need to be told, by men, that women are not objects. That they, women, have just as much right to dignity and possession of self as any man. Women need to be told, by men, that they are cherished and treasured. That they are our mothers, wives, sisters, daughters and cousins. That, no matter what is done to them, they are in no way diminished.

Still, for this day, this is a start…

 

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5 comments

  1. Violations take away not only security, but trust. If one person is capable of such a monstrosity, what are the rest capable of? The world becomes full of monsters. Even those you should trust wholeheartedly are demons.
    But then when you’re told, “you should be more careful of what you wear around the house..” It breaks you. I was going to bed. I was listening to music. I couldn’t tell anyone why I couldn’t live in the same house anymore, because it could’ve ruined his reputation. I wasn’t raped, but my trust and my space, my body, was violated and the feeling of being so dirty never leaves you. Thank you for writing this.

    1. You should be safe if you walk down the street naked. Your safety should not be conditional. Period. For what it’s worth like I told my friend last night and will tell you and everyone else that needs to hear it. Your skin and body belong to you. Having that violated does not diminish you in the tiniest bit. It never did and never will. Screw his reputation. He made the choice. He can live with the consequences.

  2. Miller, I LOVE that you are taking on controversial topics that others refuse to even acknowledge. Thank you. I fully understand and relate, yes, I too am a survivor. I was 14, he was my BFF’s big brother, a top jock at school, no I never said a thing to anyone. I silently lived with what happened. I also believe I’m one of the strange ones, I refused cower in a corner, if anything this is when I found my strength.

    1. *sigh* I don’t “love” it. I wish it didn’t need to be done. I do not know what it’s like. The violations done to me were drugs, IV Meth, done BY me. I do know that keeping silent will only allow things to stay the way they are. Something has to change, if my voice helps, what discomfort I might have because friends and family have been hurt and I don’t want to think about them hurt is outweighed by the need to say something.

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