What the Hell Was He Thinking?

“Hey Sarah, I can make you straight”…so what he really said was “all you need is a good f**k” to her. I wasn’t there but, I’m assuming it was a casual comment. He didn’t see anything wrong with what he said. He could have added, “You’re not really human. You’re just legs to be spread and tits to be played with. Every time I see you, I see you naked in bed”. He could have just as easily added, “I know you’re a dyke but, that won’t matter if I rape you. You’ll like it…” Every bit of that was in that comment that was casually made.

All that in one passing comment to one woman. I’m finding out that those comments are far from uncommon. I know women walk in public being undressed with the eyes of men. I know it happens more often than it doesn’t.

Even when it’s someone we know, we don’t see people, we see objects. How can you really believe she’s human and tell her you think that doing something to her that she will never want to do is good for her? If you had just been with the “right man”…Hey, A$$hole, she’s a Lesbian and has kids. She’s been with a man… more than once… What the hell do you think you could do? She knows the f**king difference and likes women.

Every woman I talked to said the same thing, every day they feel like someone is “undressing” them. You can not go a single day without seeing casual comments about “b**ch slapping”, rape, “men like women who…” and myriad  other things. The simple and casual degradation has become so pervasive that we don’t even think about it…

Even to the point that I’m questioning myself. I catch myself becoming angry…and possessive…and begin to wonder if I’d be so angry if it was someone else, someone unknown? Were it not, “MY best friend” “MY loved ones” but, just some person that I don’t know?…

I started this blog writing about two Ladies I love. I was writing about Religious freedom for one of them and LBGT Rights for the other. The context was that they were citizens and deserved the same rights. That was and still is true. It missed a bigger issue…

We have a culture that sets the status quo as treating women as objects and possessions. We tell women to accept the casual comments and random offers of violence as normal. We tell them they are at fault when they are raped. We don’t even think there’s anything wrong when someone goes to a Lesbian and tells her she needs a good f**king to “make you straight”. We don’t even see humans, all we see are tits and spread legs.

I thought this was just going to be one post, a few days ago, about how women are talked down about when they have other things to do than date or sleep with some random guy. I was writing one for Aj because she was pissed about how casually it happens in the workplace…I was wrong. The more I talk to people and the more I see what happens around me, the more I realize that things are totally effed.  The more angry I become and the more I realize that someone, me, needs to say stop. It isn’t a “teach your kids” issue. That simplifies things far too much. There is a huge double standard…it’s an “open your damn eyes” issue. It’s a “what is wrong with you, don’t you have a mother?” issue.

I wonder if that guy that made the comment to Z would think it’s ok if some guy came up to him and said “I’ll give you a good f**king and you’ll never go back to women”? Would that be good with him? I mean, he didn’t think he was saying anything wrong to Z when he said essentially the same thing.

Until we get past that attitude, the “all she needs is a good f**k” things will stay wrong. Blaming her for what is done to her, meaning rape, assault, or emotional abuse, is wrong. Blaming her for your own inability to get laid because YOU are an a$$hole, is wrong. Saying “If you don’t want to entice a rapist, don’t wear high heels so you can’t run from him … If I’m walking around in my underwear and I’m drunk. Who else’s fault can it be?” (Chrissie Hynde) *yeah, a woman said that one* Means things are so pervasive and invasive that we are beyond effed…

Too angry and frustrated to write any more, all I have left is a string of profanities that would end with “Hey, A$$HOLE, SHUT YOUR STUPID F**KING MOUTH” so, I’ll just let this one end…

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