Why Is a Pagan a Better Christian Than I Am?

Why does it take sending my best friend to Hell to make a point? Why should I have to portray her as a “poor damned soul” to get attention? What part of our Christian Values gives us the right to only reach out to the “lost” or our church? We try to help the poor because we feel like we have a duty to do it. We attempt to “convert” the “lost” out of pity.

*sigh*

Right now, this instant, my attitude is not very “Christian”. I’m not so much angry as disappointed. Christians, not Christ, have let me down. People claim to worship Jesus and do not act like it. He fed the hungry, embraced whores and tax collectors, spoke of loving his fellow man, whipped the money hungry in the temple, and ultimately was misrepresented and was killed for that. He said that we are not to question the condition of someone’s soul unless we want our soul to also be called to the same judgement; which of us could face that and NOT the mercy we want? What part of following the ACTIONS of Jesus is persecution? What part of embracing outcasts and marginalized people is causing them to be pushed farther out? Where is the sense of self-sacrifice that cost Him His life when you are busy spouting your own righteousness at the expense of someone else? He went willingly to his doom while you play the “victim card”. I’m not questioning that you think you believe, I am saying your actions do not show it.

*sigh again*

Do you own a hammer? Right now I feel like a b****rd for using one. I don’t “own” the hammer I am willing to use because, I’m using a human I love. My best friend does not have to write these words but, she is the hammer. I am willingly and knowingly USING the life of a human…and it hurts. It is coldly calculated. I have to point out that she has been abused, threatened, and cast away by people that claim love and Christianity. If they were really what they claimed to be, she and I would never have known each other. Yet, I am taking my best friend in the world, the second person I did not marry and call “best friend”, and treat her as an object used on nails. The good news is that it is harder on the nail than the hammer. I would pound flat those that would dare to stick their heads up and claim virtue. They have no reason to claim it and neither do I. I do not pretend to be better than they because, I am far from perfect. This post and the temper that flares are as much proof as the years of addiction that I survived that I lack perfection…or even coming close.

*exhale*

Look, guys, how we treat people matters. What we do to people that are not like us is what proves our Christianity, not how we act to Christians. I am not an “uber-Christian”. I am a weak, fallible, mortal, sometimes confused, sometimes angry, human. I use another human to drive my temper to write words for her. I feel guilty for doing that because it merely reinforces, if she reads this, that she is cast out. It tells her that not many people outside her community, Pagans I mean, are willing to see her for what she is not what they presume she does.

Let’s talk about her for a bit…She’s a better “Christian” than most I know. She adopted and is raising a daughter, after her kids are adults, because it is the right thing to do. She has a chronic illness and goes to work every day to make a life for her and the young lady. She is constantly physically exhausted and persists. She would give her next breath, and every one after, to her daughter. She helps people, I mean, physically does things to help. She accepts and embraces me even though my faith pushed her away. She honors and reveres her gods with nothing to gain while Christians plead and implore a God they fear. She, by the standards of her faith, “prays without ceasing”. She is kind, tender and, loving. In truth, she can be a stone b***h and highly opinionated but, given her past, that’s fair enough. I don’t know how she goes on. Yet, she persists. She lets herself be a hammer…and I love her enough to use her as one. I wish I were half the man she is a woman. I wish I were as true to my moral code as she is to hers. I wish I were as brave and tough.

*breath*

Here’s the point, when a Pagan, Aj, is a better Christian than most Christians I know, the issue isn’t that Pagan. When we regain the moral standing, quit claiming to be victims, walk our walk, and finally follow Jesus and not our stupid views of others, then we get to push people out…and it’ll still be wrong. I know God loves her. He created her to be what she is. *she’ll disagree and I ENTIRELY respect that different view* When we are able to live the standard she does, then we are all better for it. Then her world, and ours, are more worth living in and, maybe, our souls are not in question. Till then, I sometimes, worry for mine but, never for hers.

I’m trying to calm down. It hurts to use my best friend as a hammer. The word “use” itself feels wrong. The fact that I have to do it to my own faith feels worse. I don’t wish Aj had not been forced out of Christianity becuse I would not have ever known her. I just wish Chistians would act more like that one Pagan.

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3 comments

  1. Miller, I can totally feel where you are coming from. As someone who grew up in a Christian church and lived that life for 37 of my 60 years, I understand your pain and frustration.

    The teachings of Christ have gotten so skewed and twisted by those I call self-righteous. So many people do not read their bible and only listen to the person in their pulpit every Sunday morning. They make me think of some of the Catholics I went to school with in 7th and 8th grade (that’s a story for another day) who would do whatever they wanted all week long, go to confession on Saturday, do the penance their priest gave them and VIOLA!, they were absolved of their sins and free to start the cycle all over again after mass on Sunday morning.

    There are MANY “Christians” who do not fully understand the concept of being saved and washing all their sins away. They are the ones that claim salvation, but gossip, judge, lie, drink, beat their spouse or children, etc, then repent. But start all over the next morning. Yes, Aj is a better Christian than most of the actual Christians I know, So are a LOT of the Pagans I know. We don’t have the dogma to follow, we live to be a productive member of society, we don’t condemn others for not living as we do and most importantly, we allow and even encourage people to find their own path to Deity.

    I don’t have the answers for how this can be embraced into the lives of those who claim Christianity, and frankly, I am quite afraid of how our country is moving towards what I call Christian Sharia Law. All I can do is walk my walk, live my belief, be a person that would be welcomed at the table if invited by Jesus (even though I’m not Christian), and pray ceaselessly for others to open their eyes, hearts and lives to those who are different than what they have been taught by their spiritual leader (aka:minister, pastor, etc) to hate. Will I see this in my lifetime? I don’t think so and that makes me so very sad …

    And just so you know, many of us have gotten past the feeling of being “cast out”, not all of us can do that. But the number grows each day. So, even though you may feel your faith is doing an injustice to us, those of us who have chosen to walk away from that faith understand your feelings and thank you for not only reaching out to us but also accepting us. Just the way we are.

    1. Vickie, first, don’t thank me, thank Aj. I would not have even changed my views if not for her. I would still be one of “them”. I still write because of her. When that ceases, I’ll quit writing. You see, I AM selfish. To change one person’s world, the world for everyone must change. Second, not to be a troll but, *grins* “accept: is a cold word for someone I want to make safe and warm. I prefer “embrace”. Third, I had to teach myself that the words in Red are the ones that count, the rest are commentary. I’ll follow Jesus but, never the rest of them. It angers me and saddens me to ever have to write these posts because of the reasons why they’re needed and the “use” *I truly wish I didn’t love the Hammer and could employ her without conscience. I despise that word, “use”, directed toward her* of one of the handful of people I say I love. Yeah, there will always be prejudice by people that claim virtue, Aj and I both knew that it wouldn’t happen in our lifetime. Still, all I have is words and a lifetime to write them.

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