The “Other Woman” in My Life…or, A Love Letter to My Best Friend

Ten years ago…I was still a mess. I was 9 days sober…or at least without drugs or cigarettes…and very thoroughly confused. I didn’t know if sobriety was going to take. I was in an environment that was “odd” to say the least. I had gone from atheism back to the faith of my youth, Christianity, in one “Damascus Road” moment and trying to figure out what was going on. I was in a house that invited people like me in to help us. I am still entirely grateful for them and their house…

Five years ago…I was a few months married to the first person outside of a blood relation or a dog that I had ever told I loved and realizing that there was an other person that I could say that about…

Now, I’m sitting next to my wife that I love very dearly and writing a post about the “other woman” in my life…

When you are an addict, emotional growth ceases. We don’t have to grow because high fills that void…until high becomes Hell. I got out of Hell and started, slowly, learning. I had to learn some self-control because I will very eagerly substitute anger for high. That was easy enough most of the time. I have to consciously break the loop that is reaction. I’ve practiced and can back myself down…it took lots of practice, though.

Love is a different story. That one is still more confusing. I try to intellectualize it. I attempt, because I fear emotional reactions, to figure it out. *editorial, I even apply that to faith. I suspect “charismatic” Christianity because of that bias. That type of reaction isn’t a fit for me* You have to kind of follow the path in a confused mind to see where I’m going, sorry.

Five years ago, I realized that I was “in love” with a woman that is not my wife. Not romantic love. Not “I’ll leave my wife and we can run away together” love. Just love. It seemed so very odd to me. I mean, there I was saying “I love you” to a woman that was married while I was, still am, married to the love of my life. How was that supposed to work? That entire thought process scared me *some of it still does* but, more importantly, it taught me. I learned to reach outside of myself, to grow…

This person, Aj, is the “other woman”. We could never be a couple because our lives are vastly different. She has a daughter and I am lacking in the patience that parenting requires. My house has two adults and no pets. It is calm, dark, and quiet. My sanity needs that calm refuge from the “noise” that is the outside world and work. My idea of fun is coming home and staying here with my wife and comfortable surroundings. Her’s, on a good day, is controlled chaos. Between the cat, dog, and a very energetic and bright 5-year-old daughter there is constant demand for attention and noise. She does stuff like going 4-wheeling and stuff. She has errands and outside interests. I do all my errands on the way to or from work and then stay home. To top it off she has a list of medical issues that sap her strength and cause constant visits to the Dr. Yea, I’m in a bit of awe of her. Go figure, what she does and deals with daily would make my knees buckle. Also, she and I do not share the same faith. Just as she has a hard time, read will not again, dating Christians because she’s Pagan, I could not find myself married to a non-Christian. They are not inimical to each other but, do not work in the same home. It is my firm contention that homes may be made of many differing views as long as there is shared faith…

Yet, I do love her. I “worry” *editorial, I don’t have a better word that means “not stressed but, is always on my mind”* for her, even though she tells me not to. *grins* I stay concerned that her health is not getting worse and she has the strength to get through the day. She taught me how to send energy, so I do every chance I get and every time I think about it. I want good things for her and keep that in my prayers. I hope that even though she knows it, that she hears the words “you’re beautiful and I love you” from a voice that deeply and passionately means it. I have a hope that she’s getting some physical companionship, read “getting laid” because sometimes the physical touch of another body is the greatest healer.

So…here we are today. I am entirely faithful to Sweety. I can not imagine my life without her but, I love another woman, too. I am committed to her also, just not as a mate or date. I can be at peace with that because she makes me a better husband. I have a teacher and a confidant. I have someone that is as committed to the success of my marriage because she loves me and wants me and my wife to have that marriage. I have someone that keeps a candle burning for my house just as her’s stay in my prayers, constantly. I realize that non-romantic love is just as important as the passion that I have for my wife.

I have been given a part of someone’s soul as a gift and returned a bit of mine. I know that if our paths may diverge, that my life will never be the same for having known her and if they go together, that my life will be the better for it. She taught me to expand myself. I learned and still am, that the world is bigger than my tiny corner. That, no matter how hard life kicks you in the head, if you are breathing there is still hope. That because someone is “different” they have lessons to teach you that you never imagined you needed…till they taught them to you.

Yeah, there’s another woman in my life and I have these words for her…

Aj, you’re beautiful. Your heart and soul are things I’ll treasure till my dying day. Thank you for the lessons you’ve taught and the unknown lessons to come. You make my world a better place by being in it. We may not speak often but, I hear your voice every time we type. I don’t know why Destiny put our paths together but, I am grateful, with all my heart, to your gods and my God for doing it. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for reaching out to me. Thank you for the piece of you that you’ve given me. I love you dearly.

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