Dear Aj,

Dear Aj,

By my estimation, I’m about 85% unafraid of you and about 15% scared spitless of what I don’t understand. I don’t really stress that last bit of afraid because it just doesn’t matter…

No, Aj, I am REALLY not stressing. We’ve been dealing with this for years, you and I… I may not ever get past those last “ghosts” of my conditioning but, to quote me, “so what?” We have come a very long way since that beginning, right? Since a very afraid and confused me met a Witch. Since I set aside my “Searsucker Fundie” thoughts and wandered into Heresy. Yeah, a very long way since I had to reconcile what I thought about where I KNEW your soul was going and where I am convinced it isn’t, now. You know these things. They’re just here so that we may see them again.

Herein lies the problem, Dear Friend. I worked against centuries of conditioning. I had to fight “The Wizard of Oz” and a raft of Disney. I had to overcome the fears that prompted the Salem Trials. The thing is I wanted to. I really wanted to be what I am, your best friend. I wanted it so badly that I knew that I had ZERO choices in the matter. I was at a spot where being “scared spitless” met “you’ll lose your best friend” and “spitless” lost…

I love you to bits. You don’t scare me. What “concerns” me is that people don’t see that. I have sent you to Hell in a blog post to make the point that I think that is a lie.  As an aside, you do realize how hard that was to write?  I’ve told friends about you in conversations, blogs, “FaceCrack” aka “your daily dose of dopamine” statuses and, every other method I can think of and I’m still worried.

I know that all you want is to be left alone to practice in peace. That’s it. You don’t want to proselytize. You aren’t out to change anyone’s beliefs or moral construct. You haven’t done that to me. We’ve never even talked about it except for tiny bits when I asked, about sending energy and I know you keep a candle lit for my house, just like I pray for your safety. You see, I’m not trying to change you either but, you knew that, too. My worry isn’t “you” but “for you” because people don’t see you, the person, they see “godless heathen Witch” or they see a caricature from movies and comics or they see”my darkest fear of demons and evil”. None of which are the Truth… You aren’t evil or a joke.

So, the question remains, what do we do? How do we teach people to look beyond? How do we give the unwilling a reason to take the harder path and confront themselves and what they think like I did? How do we teach the kids because “most” adults have their prejudices formed? Not everyone is as willing as I am/was to be open. Most of them don’t have an “Aj”. I suspect that most of them would have told you to get away as soon as they suspected that you weren’t like them. I’m not saying that makes me “special” or, in any other way, some kind of a Good Person. In fact, my reasons were, and are, ENTIRELY selfish. Everyone needs a Best Friend and when someone picks you to be theirs, you…or I…accept with gratitude.

I digress…

I don’t think we’ll change the world. I really don’t think anyone cares what a middle-aged Water Witch and a balding Heretic think. Sigh. I do think that we might change one person. We could possibly teach two or three if we’re lucky. We, I, still gotta try. We have to keep showing you to them and hoping for the best. At the End of Things, Truth and Love overcame Fear…and that’s all that counts. That and that if I can overcome my fear and gain my Best Friend, every bit of the work, all of the soul searching, all the dumb questions and neurotic phone calls and texts were worth the effort…

Love,
Miller

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