Sex Sells

*ponders*

Hmmmmmm…I think…yeah…beginnings…

I have a best friend. I didn’t always have her as a best friend but, I do now and have for a few years. She didn’t know me for most of my life and I was a different person during those years anyway. No matter…

I went looking. FaceBook never really gets rid of anything. Ever. If you wrote it, and you remember what you wrote, you can find it. On January 13, 2012, at 6:59pm my life changed. How’s that for a specific event and time. I didn’t quite realize how much it would but, it did…That is the specific time that Aj used the phrase “love you best”. My reply was to be a smarta$$ because, that’s what I do when someone uses the “L-word” to me, more specifically, about me…I am not used to people saying that and meaning it. Family, sure. Guys, “I love you, man”. That happens. Non-family, non-spouse, women? Yeah, never.

I do not use that word casually. I “really like” bacon.

My life has two parts. There is a line that divides it. My Second Life is the last 12 years. In my First Life, I learned not to trust and to never love anything, particularly myself. In April of 2010, I met Aj. We became friends. Just as an aside, the scale of time is important here, the portion of this part of my life is what counts. To me, I have known her for most of my life…

Anyway, I didn’t quite know how to react. Friends? Yeah. “Love you best”? What in the Name of the Easter Bunny is she saying? “Love”? Run. Run far and fast. Besides, I’m married and…well…she is a SHE. How does this work? I am entirely faithful to my wife. I can’t even consider letting another woman use that word. What in the world is going on here? Yeah, I went a bit bonkers. *grins* Aj, better than anyone knows how bonkers I got…

Where was I, 2012 January, there…Aj…Have I told you about her?

She is who this is supposed to be about, not some guy. I admire Aj. I really do, she’s a fairly “not tall” person ’bout 5’3-4″ or some such. *holds out hand* This tall.  Physically, she’s medium sized. She has dark hair. I think it has some gray in it but, so what? She has some tats. She wears some jewelry. She hates shoes. She likes the heat and hates the winter. She loves the rain. All that’s the unimportant stuff…*grins*…except for the “hates shoes” part. Gotta love someone who hates shoes since I do, too. Common ground, right? She’s a Yankee…and I’m not. Oh well, not everyone can be from Texas. Won’t hold that against her…

Those things are all external.

What else? Well, she’s tough. I mean, she is a, to borrow an overused term, a survivor. No matter what happens, she gets back up and keeps going. Stubborn? Yeah, mules have nothing on her when she sets her mind on something. She’s smart. Far smarter than I am and I “think” that I’m not stupid…no matter how it appears at times…She cares about the things that are important to her and doesn’t worry about the rest. That’s a trait we both share. She has the ability to be vastly patient when she’s teaching something and incredibly impatient when she thinks you’re refusing to learn. Don’t ask how I know that. She is kind to kids, her’s, her grandkids, kids in general. She just has a soft spot for kids. She laughs. She loves to laugh. She doesn’t lie. She doesn’t lie when the truth could cause her problems. If you don’t want to know what she thinks don’t ask her but, be prepared if you do.

…and those are internal but, still not the point…

Back to our tale…Why is she my best friend? *exhale* Well because she decided I am hers. Talk about things I didn’t expect. *grins* How to explain this? I rarely assume anything and when I do, I tend to make mistakes so, I try not to. Anyway, there I was, minding my own business, trapped on the couch recovering from pneumonia when this wanders across my screen “It really is strange to realize that your best friend (whom you didn’t even realize WAS your best friend until now)”…and I think, “that’s cool, she needs to have one of those”…I’m a bit dense…I had decided that we were “close” and I had a vacancy for one of those but, I really wasn’t looking for someone to fill that hole. I was content with having my wife, family, and a few people that I could deal with. “Best Friend” is another matter entirely. That person is Trusted.

So…yeah…I’m dragging this out because I want to get this right.

She decided. She decided she could trust me. I am not used to that. I am very cautious. Sure, my life is an open book but, trust goes inside the traits that make a person or the events in their life. I’ll tell you anything about my life you care to ask, no biggie. The questions you don’t get to ask are about my thoughts. “Why?” is off limits. Trust means that you answer that question. Trust means you don’t give evasive answers. It means that you realize that the other person could hurt you and you’ll give them that chance over and over knowing that they won’t on purpose and, if they do it by accident, that’s what it is, an accident. Trust scares the crap outta me…well…not as much as it used to but, not so little that I’m prepared to offer it to anyone.

I trust Aj, without reservation. *Sorry, the pronoun “I” keeps coming up in a story about someone else. To help y’all see her, gotta use the perspective I have.* I digress. She offered the same to me. Of all the things I don’t want to do, and she knows it, I could hurt her. Not physically but, worse. I could betray her trust. I could hurt the second woman that was not a relative that told me she loved me. I KNOW her. That “L-word” actually means something to her, too…

Do you ever get to a spot where you have to step back for a bit when you’re thinking about something or someone and words become jumbled in your head? The words, so many, are in there but, you can’t get all of them out, that’s where I am right now.

Is there someone in your life that you can tell anything to? That you can share the ugliest things of your past with. That you know will always, every time, want what’s best for you, even if it were to hurt them? Is there one person, besides your spouse, that will not hold what you’ve done, or been, against you? A person that is willing to let you see who they are…even if that means risking that you’ll run and hoping that you won’t? That’s who I am trying to help y’all to see.

Sorry, words really are failing me so, I think we’ll end this here for now. I’m going to just enjoy the thoughts that writing this story brings.

I have a best friend. I don’t know why she decided we needed to be. She tries to explain and I just nod and still don’t understand. I don’t care why. Why doesn’t matter anyway…

The people in our lives are our treasure. Those that we love. Those that we know that, without hesitation, we would lay our life down for, those loved ones… *sigh and exhale*…Treasures…I have my wife…and I have Aj. I am rich beyond measure.

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2 comments

  1. How wonderful for you that AJ knew how much you needed a best friend even though you didn’t :D…nothing wrong with having a female BF…my husband(been married 32 years) has a BF…she is a woman…ex work colleague. They meet up regularly for lunch and to chat…I only met her a couple of times and she is just like my own BF(who is a different woman entirely) lol. Enjoy the “love” . When people ask me how I can stand his “love” for another woman I simply point out that “love” and “sexual attraction” are 2 totally different animals, and that learning the difference would make “their” lives much easier XXX

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