Gay

Different

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s been a long couple of weeks. There’s a thought rolling around in here. I’ll try to get it to germinate and come out the way I want it to…

We don’t have to do something to support it or the people behind it. Where this is going may start with this example. A friend, Shelby, loves Halloween. I don’t. I REALLY don’t. Among other things, it makes my nightmares worse. What I do support is Shelby. She takes a huge amount of pleasure from that holiday. As another Pagan friend told me, it’s like Christmas. As a result, I have been collecting and posting a Halloween Album on FB for her. *editorial, FB is a weakness of mine. go figure* I am enjoying watching her reaction to the daily update and seeing the pictures she likes. She realizes that I am doing it for her and appreciates it. I hope this makes sense. My enjoyment is coming from the person behind something I don’t enjoy…and is giving me a reason to enjoy the holiday myself…

We are conditioned to believe that we must be in opposition to difference. “If you aren’t with us, you’re against us.”

I am not gay, yet Z is. Not only do I not oppose her, I encourage her. I want her to find companionship and love. I hope she does kiss girls. I’ll always support her and her life. I also am not Pagan. I’ve been taught that because I’m Christian, I MUST oppose my Pagan friends. The thing is, I don’t. Why should I be against the faith of some of the people that are dearest to me in the world? I want Aj, Kelly and Shelby, and the rest to enjoy and find meaning from their faith.

I watch and talk to and trust those Ladies. They, and their lives, are parts of what I count on for support in mine. I find that I need them as examples of faith and love. I see that they are unashamedly themselves. They are open with their beliefs and their lives. Those things are worth respect. Those things, the specifics, are also not my path. So what?

That’s the point I’m trying to make. Don’t look at the differences, look at the person. Don’t judge them as wrong because they do things that you do not. Look at the character and the life, see the Human living it. Different doesn’t equal wrong. It merely equals a perspective that is not your own.

I’m going to cheat, here. I’ll quote a FB status I wrote the other day and end…

“I have friends that are gay. I love and treasure them. I have friends that are Pagan. I love and treasure them. I am neither and, yet, they love and treasure me. Getting along with people that are “differently normal” lets us find people we love and treasure. Who doesn’t need more of both?”

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I’m the One That’s Abnormal…

Interestingly, this should follow my last three posts…“I Want Z Back”“Because Aj and Z”, and “Aj Was My First Pagan…”

Aj did set the stage. I learned, and still learn, from her. I learned that it is possible to be “not Christian” and still be a moral person. I learned that innate goodness can be a quality that exists apart from my own moral construct. That a strong view of good and evil does not have to include the Christian concept of sin. She didn’t teach me to be “open minded” as much as less caring that some people do things differently than others. That my way is not necessarily the only “correct way, it’s only correct for ME…

Next was Z. When she came out to me, I was “flustered” for a couple of days…then I realized not one thing about her or our interaction was different…*editorial, I lie, we do interact differently because of this blog…I give a further lie to what I just said in the first post in the list above “I Want Z Back”* What I should more correctly say is “she hasn’t changed” and I had to adapt to knowing something I didn’t know.

Anyway, the basic truth is, Aj was the first Pagan I was close to. Z is the first Lesbian I was close to. Z is a trusted friend and a Treasure. She owns a place in my heart reserved for loved ones. *other editorial, “love” is a word never used casually* I digress…She is also “normal”. Being Lesbian doesn’t change her morality. She’s Christian and, yeah, I had to adapt my thinking…again…to fit that. I had to learn that being gay does not mean you can not be a Christian. It just means that some people say you can not, that’s all…

So, I started writing this blog and along came Kelly. After one of my first posts she made shared it with the comment, paraphrase, “he sees me as human” or some such, with a real sense of wonder. Kelly is both Pagan and Lesbian.

Funny thing, when I write about Aj, the underlying context is Pagan. Here, she’s the thought for Religious Freedom. Writing about Z puts her in the “Lesbian box”. As much as I wish it didn’t. *other other editorial, not that I have a difficulty with her being gay, just wish it wasn’t the only thing that comes up. She’s far more than merely that part. Kind of looking at one petal and missing the rose*

Back to Kelly. I just see “Kelly”, not the aspects or “context”, just her. I see her family pictures. I see Kelly and her wife and outings, cookouts, and trips with their kid…and it’s normal. It’s just a family with a kid they love. Sure, there are two moms but, so effing what? It’s a family. I love watching them. They’re fiercely protective of each other and the kid. It’s what a family does, they love and protect and enjoy being a family. Nothing immoral. Nothing different than any other family that does things right…because they do. Kid’s gonna grow up to be a good adult because of the way the kid is being raised. Moms are gonna make sure of that. Just a family…

So, I’ve grown. It isn’t that I “adapted” or fell into the “trap of the gay agenda”. It’s just that I had to learn. I had two choices reject people I’ve come to love or change to be able to keep them. Easier, far easier, to change me. More to the point, I never want to reject someone for something that is innate to them and makes no difference to me. Tossing away someone because my normal and theirs aren’t in lockstep is stupid and short sighted. They are not immoral, just not the same as me. That’s all…and the funny thing is, they are EXACTLY the same. We have the same wants, needs, and desires in life.

It doesn’t matter that we share a faith, that doesn’t instill morality. It doesn’t matter that some are gay and I’m straight, that doesn’t change the condition of the heart. It matters that they love their faith. It matters that they treat me with dignity and respect for being different from them.

You see, to them, I’m abnormal. To the Pagans, my faith has persecuted theirs. To the Lesbians, straight white males have denigrated, slandered, and repressed them. By all rights, they should have a prejudice against ME. Yet, they don’t judge me, they accept and embrace me. They call me “loved”. They are more willing to love me than my past as a homophobic male has any reason to deserve…

I’ve learned. “Normal” is the most subjective of words. Who are we to impose our view of it on anyone else? Aj taught me that Pagan is normal. Z taught me that Lesbian is normal. Kelly taught me that families are families. They are all Treasures. They allow “abnormal” me to share their lives. They have been more patient with me than I deserve. For that, and their lives, they have my gratitude.

I Gotta Quit Reading the News

Gack…I’ve been reading the news again. It seems that some people just don’t listen to reason…or read it.

Because I’m a firm believer in “due diligence” I ask Z stuff. Sometimes it leads to an odd set of questions. Luckily for me, she’s patient and understands the reasons I ask. It’s not to be embarrassing. It’s to be able to say, here, “I asked”. For what it’s worth, the questions are NEVER about sex or stuff that’s none of my business.

*sigh*

So…to all the “slippery slope” True believers, the only slippery slope is the one you tripped on. No, the LBGT Community doesn’t want to make everyone gay. They need straight people. That’s where gay people come from. I mean, seriously, who do you think has kids?

No, they don’t want to close your churches. Some are even *gasp* Christians. Z is. She’s the first person I go to for prayer.

No, being gay doesn’t make you a pedophile and more than being straight makes you a rapist. The word you’re looking for is “sociopath”.

How many more? I’ll keep asking but, I’m getting tired of the foolishness of the questions.

Nope, bestiality is repugnant to most of them, just like it is to most of us.

Nope, it’s not about promiscuity…or sex in the street. It’s about wanting to love and be loved.

Gack…

The bottom line is, being gay and being straight are the same except for the gender attraction. That’s it. Same hopes and dreams. Same desire to live and let live. Same self-respect. Same thing…except that you don’t see the LBGT Community protesting the Straight Rights Movement. Doh.

Lordy Mercy the news wears me out. Yeah, some jerks and weird people are gay. Some jerks and weird people are straight, too. You do read the news, right? There are more straight wackos because there are more of us.

Ya know, given a choice, and I have one, I’ll pick Z’s team. I mean, her personal team. It isn’t because she’s gay. It’s because of the person she is. I write for her because she deserves a voice. It just seems the place she needs a voice is that one part that people can not seem to get past. If she were to write about it, it would just be one more author to be ignored because she’d be writing for herself. I, on the other hand, fit every demographic that her’s is allegedly persecuting. So, the only reason I have to write FOR her is because she earned it.

Think about that, if I thought she were out to get me, why would I write? If she was anti straight, white, Christian male, what reason would there be for me to attempt to protect her? Wouldn’t it make more sense for me to be an “anti”? The danger is not to me from her. The danger to her is the pushback from my demographic to her’s.

Reason needs to break out. It isn’t that hard. Our lives are difficult enough without fabricating unfounded fears. We have enough stress. There are enough aches and pains without inventing more. I do care about Z’s life. She’s family and friend and loved one and prayer partner. *editorial, Yeah, I just implied that I have no use for unneeded stress and then implied, again, that I worry for her. See the bit about how she fits my world, that’s why.*

What I don’t get is why people that have no reason to care take on stress. Why?

If your marriage is so weak that it can not handle what happens in someone else’s, that’s you, not them.

If your faith is so in doubt that you must defend it to the detriment of others, that’s you. My faith is strong enough that it won’t be shaken by the beliefs or actions of another.

There are a bunch of things that are legitimate worries. It’s just that Z isn’t one. Worrying that individuals have won the right to be treated as individuals is a silly thing to be worried about…

*sigh*

I gotta quit reading the news. It wears me out. I suppose I shouldn’t care what strangers think about Z. I suppose, by my standard, I’m being hypocritical. Eventually, the “new” will wear off of Obergfell and the furor will die down. For now, though, it hasn’t. For now, there’s still a need for a voice to try to calm the fears of people like me…if I were afraid of Z. Someday, perhaps, maybe, I will be able to quit being her voice, if for no other reason than apathy will have won and a different issue will become a focus…

Yeah, I gotta quit reading the news…*wanders off to say Hi to Z*

 

Semi Not PC PC Post

I wrote a post, some time back, encouraging Z to play with boobies and kiss girls, “I Told Z to Kiss a Girl”. It comes up, in this context because I was talking, as much as a comment section on a blog post can be a conversation, about not being PC…

I’m not PC. I’m just cautious. There is a short list of people I do not want to offend. Z is on that list. I know and want for her to find a girl to have “fun”, read “enjoy being physical”, with. I also want her to find a girl to build a life with. I want a house with yellow roses, a veggie garden, a comfy couch, fireplace, several bedrooms for guests, and a pool. I want a long driveway for walks and a shaded porch for drinks in the afternoon. It needs to have some acres of woods and a pond with a fishing dock…

Physical beauty is fleeting. Sex lasts for a few minutes. Holding hands can last for hours. Peace of mind is for a lifetime.

I’ve said that I don’t care that Z likes girls. That’s not precisely correct. I do care because that’s what’s best for her. I love her the way she is and do not want that to change. Since the “girls” thing is a part of her, I do care. Since my prayers for her include finding love and peace, I must want the right Lady to come along. It’s just that I don’t care that she likes girls any more than I’d care if she liked guys.

Because I’ve written about and for her for more than a year and put some hundreds of hours of thought into these, she, Z, is on my mind a lot. She gets a fairly big portion of my mental energy. That’s fine. If I had a problem with that, I’d cut my losses. I’m quick to get rid of un-needed energy drains. Z isn’t one. Here’s a funny thing. If she were straight and I was single, we wouldn’t work as a couple. She likes crowds and outdoors and high energy. I’m a quiet indoor homebody. Again, that’s fine. *grins* Besides, we’d kill each other… I’m never going to want to be unmarried and she’s never going to want to be straight. Doesn’t change a thing in our relationship. I want the best for her and she for me.

I knew this had a point…If Z were someone else, I’d still want the same things for them. Not the details but, the chance to be left alone to live their life in the fashion that is best for them. She doesn’t deserve to be left in peace because she’s gay. She deserves it because we all do. Having a shot at dignity and peace is basic to being human.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness…”

In the end, that’s what we get, “the pursuit of Happiness”. If we are lucky, we get there. If not, we should have a chance to try, no matter if it’s gay or straight, single or married, without being hindered by the forms and conventions of anyone else.

So, yeah, maybe I do care if Z likes girls. Maybe I’ve not been right all along. It is what fits her. It is what is the best way for her to pursue “Happiness”. What I want is the best for a friend that I love…

*Disclaimer. I never use that thought to include criminal acts. That idea and justification is never going to be in here*

More Thoughts on Outing

More thinking on outing someone…

I know the story, mostly, behind Z’s coming out. It will never see the light of this page. She told me and she trusts me not to reveal it. I won’t without her coming to me before I ever type a single word of it.

When you out someone without their permission, you have broken a trust. You were given knowledge with the expectation that you would not reveal it. Why would you betray that trust? What selfish motive, including anger, is worth breaking it?

If I were to tell what I know, I would ruin a friendship. I would be unable to associate with a person I treasure because of some stupid reason. *editorial, I have no desire to tell her secrets. I am just using our relationship as an example* I promised to protect her and write for her so that she could have a voice to add to hers. As a friend an ally, I can not see any reason to abuse that trust.

If you were not given the information and you out someone, that is worse. It means that the way you came across the info was less than legitimate or accidental. It means that you further decided to use that info for your own gain or to willingly cause harm to someone. You decided to reveal something they wanted private in order to advance yourself at the cost of someone else.

I think the word I am looking for is one that has fallen out of usage. The word is Honor. It is dishonorable to out someone without their permission. It is the act of a coward to cause harm to a person that can not harm you and means no harm toward you. In a society that claims to value privacy and where privacy is vanishingly rare, taking what little we have left away from someone is wrong. Period. People have their own reasons for wanting not to be out. It is not our place to question those motives nor is it our place to disregard those motives.

Again, I think the world of Z. Even if she had not been out, these would be about and for her. The difference is, you would have never known she existed. Without her permission, her name and the bits of her that exist here would not happen because it is not my place to out anyone. *editorial, it would be harder to write these without her but, it would still happen because writing to support a friend is an honorable act*

In the end it comes down to this, let them decide when and how to come out. Don’t take that away from them. Life is hard enough without having someone force your hand.

Musings on Heresy and Pagans and Friends

It has been a busy several days…month or two…so, the posts have been short or pics. This isn’t short…or a pic. *grins*

I really don’t understand the hate that different sects of the same faith have. I was reading a blog post by a Pagan, I think, that was putting down other Pagans. *editorial, this is not intended to be a shot at Pagans or followers of Wicca or anything else. It is just an example. You could substitute Christian just as easily* He was also bashing Wiccans. His reason, their beliefs weren’t exactly like his. It became odder when he had another post talking about how his faith was like being Jewish in 1930’s Germany. If that is the case, why be divisive? Why not stand with those of your faith and present a united front?

I get differences in dogma. The way I view Christianity is best-described as Heretic. My views don’t quite line up with the Progressive, Liberal, or Evangelical parts of Christianity. Without going into a theological debate, I tend to “cherry pick” *editorial “do you believe all of the Bible?” “depends on how you mean that…”* My tendency is to ignore the parts that exclude the souls of others or consign to Hell those that do not fit a specific mould. My belief is that it is the place of God to figure out, not Miller. My belief is also that we are created the way we are for a purpose. That means, specifically, that I do not say you can not be Christian because you are LBGT. In fact, the first person I go to for Christian prayer is Z. She’s a fine Christian Lady. She also happens to be an “L” in the LBGT. Why would one preclude the other?

Is this making sense? I knew Z as a Christian before I knew she was gay. By the time I found out that she is gay, it didn’t matter. Hadn’t mattered all along. It had just never come up. Why would being gay make her less of a Christian? If we both worship the same God, what difference does it make if she loves the same gender as my wife? It is the capacity for love that matters. Why would I presume that God pays less attention to her prayers than mine? *editorial, I have

*editorial, I have bias. I think Z is a “neat” person. Sorry about the dated slang. She’s a person I like having as a friend. If my choice is to exclude her or adapt my beliefs and thoughts to include her, I’ll adapt*

I also have Pagan friends. I go to them for prayer. I don’t understand the majority of their faith. I don’t understand the varieties of “religions” that fall under that broad umbrella term. Sorry, I just don’t. What I do get is, that, if I ask, they “pray” for me. They don’t question my beliefs. They just respect that I have come to them and answer. In return, I pray for them, when they ask. Seems fair. It isn’t my place to judge them for being different. If God had wanted them to be the same, He could have done that.

*editorial, See? Heretic*

Anyway, all of this wandering around to get to this. I think that matters of faith and love should include, not exclude. The group of people I trust includes some Pagans, a Wiccan, some Lesbians, my wife, some Christians, and, occasionally, myself. I don’t question the value of the souls of any of them. I think that I have Christian friends that will disagree with my views. That’s fine. We disagree. As long as the disagreements don’t turn to hate, we can remain friends. If the disagreements do become matters of hate, I’ll just remove the conflict. Some of the finest people I know do things differently than I do. That doesn’t make them bad or wrong. It makes them different. That’s it. They are still Great Ladies. They still keep a Heretic Christian as a friend. If they’ll have me, I’ll count myself blessed.

This Feels Like A Poem By Coleridge

Every day I write some lines repeating the same trains of thought. It is very simple. There shouldn’t be any qualifiers before the word “marriage”. I didn’t get “straight married”. I don’t think it is “gay marriage”. It is just marriage.

I haven’t mentioned it lately. I am a Christian. That doesn’t change my views of social issues. It also gives me this odd bias. Because I think we are created in the image of God, I think that being the way you are is by intent. That makes it hard for me to judge someone’s faith or orientation as a sin. It is just the way you are created.

Today, Dear “Wedding Guest”, this is what you get. It’s just a repeat of the views of one person telling the same story over and over hoping someone listens.

Yet An Other Collection of Thoughts

Yes, an other post of a collection of thoughts…

Were it not for saying I’d say something every day, I’d quit writing these. I’m getting tired of it. I write these for some people. I told them I would say something every day so, I do. Let me explain myself…

This context forces me to label some friends. I don’t like doing that. It’s not because the labels don’t fit. It’s because the labels limit them. I’ll give it this, they do have limits. Everyone does. It’s just that they are more than what a single label could confine them into. If I apply “Pagan” or “Lesbian” or “female” or any other single label to any of them, then I’m the one limiting them. They deserve more than that from me.

****

I am a Texan. There are things I don’t like about Texas. Most of them include the way we try to impose our views of the way marriage and the rights of others onto others. On the other hand, my family has been here since before we were even a Republic. I have two relations that died in the Alamo. I read stories of how they stood up for their beliefs against the odds against them and the price they paid for doing it. I remember that we can not separate our culture from that of Mexico. I think of those forgotten heroes of the Alamo…the common soldiers in the Army of Santa Anna. Texas will change for the better and still, will remain the same. Do not mistake geography for regional identity. We are neither Southern or South Western. It’s a good thing. We are kind of like the people I try to avoid labeling. We are our own. *editorial, I KNOW most people don’t understand us and aren’t willing to want to like us because of some of the ways we do things. It happens.*

*****

I love being married. It is a pain in the a$$, sometimes. Other times, my Sweety says something that reminds me why we are married. We are a team. There are days when we have to carry the other. It’ just a part of being married.

I suppose, my marriage is why I keep writing for marriage equality. I want EVERYONE that wants to be married to have a chance to be. I wouldn’t know what to do without her. I don’t think that “living together” is the same thing. We did for a year before we married. It seems silly but, a piece of paper and a short ceremony DID change things…

****

This is enough for now, with one final thought. If you ever read these and want to disagree, please do. If you want to reach my “massive”, not really massive, audience, I’ll be happy to let you “guest post”.

Dear “Anti’s”

‘Nother protest post…

Dear “Anti’s”,

Please do not presume to represent me. I don’t need your help. If you want to note that you only represent the members of your organization, that’s fine. I’d rather have all y’all in the same place. That way I can point out that your voice is not mine.

I want no part of your Hetero-Pride Month.  Don’t need one. I am hetero but, that is not the source of my “pride”.

Your “National Organization for Marriage” does not speak for mine. My marriage is just fine without your help.

Your churches that claim to stand for “family values” while doing their best to prevent families from happening are hypocritical. The fact that they say that there is sanctity in marriage and then try to tell couples that they are “living in sin” as they, the churches, deny the right to marry is more than offensive. The ability to teach parents to disown their children that come to them for support takes more “mental gymnastics” than I care to engage in.

Your abilities to speak of Nazi’s, the Holocaust, and persecution being directed at you are beyond comprehension.

The bottom line is this, my friends are not trying to take your rights away. Their desire is to have the same rights. That in NO WAY diminishes yours. They are not asking for extra. They are asking for equal, not “separate but equal”, just equal.

We have progressed past the point that it makes the tiniest bit of sense for the existence of your groups. You can cling to your, mistaken, perceptions. You have no right to presume to speak for me.

If you wish to hide in your hole and tell your xenophobic, homophobic, and bigoted selves that the world is against you, have right at it. You miss the point, no one is telling you that you have to give up anything…not even your hate. Just don’t think that I have to agree with you.

Sincerely,

Miller Davidge III