advocate

How In the H**l Did That Happen?

I didn’t set out to find a friend…much less a teacher. I was being a smart alec and rude. It was a stupid PvP game. How was I to know that, years later, the game would be gone and the friend remain? I wasn’t really looking for anything except for a foil to my inner smarta$$.

As much as I want, I can not wrap her in tissue paper and protect her like a china doll, nor would she want me to.

She puts up with my “antics”, fears, frustrations, missteps, poor phrasing, overthinking, rambles, and “scruffy” mind. She chides, cajoles, and forces me to think. Sometimes she tells me to go away…and that’s cool, too. I don’t even begin to know why. *She’s trying to teach me not to ask and I’m trying to learn that* I do know this, though, she loves me and that’s enough.

Sometimes, mostly, there aren’t really formal lessons. This isn’t school where its Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic. It’s more, I find out something by accident that I need to learn and she nudges me in the right direction…usually without me realizing it.

*****

I’ve been writing this over a period of a few days because I really feel like having something for tomorrow and I don’t really have a clue. A wise woman told me that writing says, paraphrase, more about the writer than the subject. I agree. Sometimes *grins* I hope that writing in first-person isn’t saying “I’m a narcissist” *grins again* or “I’m just a big bag of neurotic wrapped in a nice old guy” *grins 3rd time*

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Oh yeah, the title. Oops, almost forgot it. *editorial, I usually have a title before a post. It substitutes for an outline* It’s sort of rhetorical. I know how it happened. It happened because I did something I rarely do. I listened and found wisdom. I had an old mentor teach me that when wisdom appeared, don’t question your notions of the source, just accept it. Funny thing, I don’t think he, a “fundie” Christian, was talking about a Pagan woman a few years younger than me. *grins* I LOVE irony. *grins again* He’d flip if he knew that I was allowing myself to be taught by a woman…much less an un-believer…

So, here’s an other thought…Even though I call her “teacher”, and that is true, she’s really my best friend…and happens to teach me stuff. *editorial, sometimes that’s “sit down and shut up* She really just lives her life and answers my questions. Sometimes even when I drive her to distraction…

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Some other thinking, I KNOW she doesn’t want “married” again. What I want for her is for someone, besides her children, to let her be the most important person in their world. I want, for her, hugs, security, comfort, sex, passion, and words like “I love you. I couldn’t imagine my life without you. You are the most beautiful woman in the world”. *editorial, in my view, the most beautiful woman in the world is the one you look at and see “forever”. I married mine* Those things are not too much to want for your best friend.

*****

*grins*

So, how did this happen? How did an uptight “fundie” come to think a Pagan wasn’t going to Hell? How did a smarta$$ wind up being best friends with a “target”? How did that morph into “teacher” all the while remaining best friend?

*grins again*

What I do know is this. All those silly “why” questions don’t matter. They’re a waste of energy. I’ll keep what I’ve got and enjoy it. I am a lucky guy. I have a best friend that is my wife…and I have a best friend that is not…and they both want the best for me.

Life is good…y’all have a nice day and I hope you have the same luck…

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I Have No Clue How to Title This One…

This is the week, we hope, that the SCOTUS rules in favor of Marriage Equality. While we’re waiting, I’m trying to figure out what to write…

I’ve said all I can think of *editorial, I probably haven’t but…* to convince anyone that will listen that there is no more to fear from making Equal Rights equal…

*****

I had a long conversation with someone the other day that was convinced that his “religious freedom” would be compromised by Marriage Equality. I tried and tried to convince him, politely because I like the guy, that he was not correct. As much as I respect his views on every other topic, we’re not going to see it the same way. Perhaps because, as a Christian, I don’t feel infringed on by the actions or lives of others. My best friend that isn’t Z, is Pagan. She is not a threat to my faith. If Z were ever find a girl she wanted to marry, that wouldn’t be a threat either. My freedoms are not infringed on because of the freedoms of an other person. The free practice of my faith isn’t damaged by ANYONE else. I am secure in my beliefs. Nothing any person outside of me is capable of doing may shake them. Nothing will stop me from praying as I see fit. *sigh* I don’t suppose he and I will ever see eye to eye…

*****

I read the last and need to add this. My marriage is stronger because of Z. My views on Marriage Equality give me reasons to think about how I can be a good partner to my wife. Having Z as a person to talk to helps me in my life. That a group has to fight to gain a right I take for granted and that one of my marriage’s biggest supporters is being denied the same rights just p**es me right the f**k off. Pardon my French…

*****

One of the things I call a “hobby is “doing nice things for…” One of the reasons this blog exists is because Z in one of those “for…” people. *editorial, she’s one of 3 that fit in the “for…” spot* I had a lady tell me today, “Friendship is at its best when it is from both sides coming together in the middle. Otherwise, it is just one person enabling the other.” She is correct. Since Z prays for me and calms me down when I’m mad and gives me a person to dump stress on and makes me laugh, this seems like a fair return. Since she says there’s no obligation, it’s my own free will. Since I don’t do ANYTHING outside of work I don’t want to do, I’d agree…

It misses the point, though. I want to write for her. I love the Lady to pieces. I enjoy the feeling I get when I am able to find words that build her up. I like that it’s a “we” effort, even if she doesn’t proofread or screen what I write. Being part of a team feels good. That she’s the teammate that chose me, it feels better. I mean, do you have someone that, every time you think about them, you smile and feel a sense of belonging? Writing this means that one of the handful that I feel that way about is at the front of my mind. I think about what I’m going to write before I do. I write it. I start thinking about the next one. Lots of chances to smile and feel “warm fuzzies” *grins*

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For what it’s worth, if it weren’t for Z coming out to me, I’d have never written the blog. I might have done a few posts around the subject but, not this many and not this much effort. This is the point *I’ve made it before*, having someone you love as a motivation is the best motivation. If it wasn’t for that, we wouldn’t be here. To have a desire to motivate strangers to change the world for other strangers, altruism is not enough. It HAS to be personal. I’m just not that nice. The cynical part of me says no one is.

If you have the skill and desire to help a friend, do. For me, this is a way.

If you want your world changed, reach out. She didn’t ask me to do these. She does give me support. She encourages. Yes, for all that she’s real and listed in my phone as Z, there are parts of her life that are “out of bounds”. There are pieces I will never tell, not to any other human. That doesn’t lessen the reality of her. If it is safe, let someone know. *editorial, she knew I was an ally and we were friends for a few years before she told me. It just wasn’t germane ’till she did*

Even though the specifics of this blog are LBGT Rights, doesn’t have to mean that you’re gay. There are other reasons to try to change the way things are. There are other ways that society covers it’s eyes and ignores issues.

I’ve said it time and again, I have bias. I write because I can write for her. I continue to try to persuade because of one person. If I had it to do over, I’d still be writing the blog. The only change would have been to start sooner. I don’t think she and I would be as close if it weren’t for this. If for no other reason, that has made a big difference in my life. I’m self-centered. I love having her as an important part of my world. I’m glad I can do something in return.

*****

I don’t know if any of this made sense. It did to me. I hope it helps…

A Story About a Blog and a Friend, Yeah, It’s a Ramble

I think I’ve followed this train of thought before…or maybe not…

Writing the blog can be a great amount of fun. It allows me to do some things I enjoy. I am able to use the exercise of writing as a way to organize my thoughts and philosophies. It allows me to explore my faith and world view. It allows me to build up and tease Z at the same time. *sometimes, I think the praise embarrasses her* It allows me to try to show her to the World. It is my own “pride parade” since the only way I will march in a real one is if I’m walking with her. *I am prouder of Z than these words will ever express and it’s only in the tiniest bit because she’s not hiding who she is. Her life is worth being proud of*

It can also be something that I hate. There is a constant reminder that strangers hold her life against her. That the reason for the blog is to convince people that she has worth.

I wish…I wish…I wish…

She IS NOT the hateful words people use. Those words and thoughts do not apply. The words that do apply include warm, caring, intelligent, sarcastic, wild, loving, rebellious, sane, witty, athletic, patriotic, short *grins*, cute, brave, and a bunch more…

Truth be told, it takes far more courage for her to allow me to use her as the focal point of this blog than I have. I’m merely the voice.

******

Some good things have come out of this. We’ve become close. I mean, we were friends before a couple of years ago, just not close. Then I started posting some pro-LBGT stuff on Facebook and she kept commenting. I thought “cool, a ‘fellow traveler'” because I thought she was straight. Funny thing, it turns out I was wrong. Who knew? *editorial, for lots of reasons, some outside the context of this, I had NO idea. That and I wasn’t looking for a date since I’m very happily married* Since we started writing, really I write and it’s a we because it is, there has been a huge amount of trust built up. Like has turned to love. Truly, I love Z. *editorial, I NEVER use the word “love” casually. I do not say it or write it by accident or as a way to express “like”. She uses that word, too. In fact, if memory serves, she used it first* *grins* She’s one of my two closest friends that are not my wife. The fact that she trusts me to write for her means more to me than I can say. That I am able to tell her the stuff that I don’t tell anyone else besides Sweety has come from that.

She’s more of a socially outgoing person than I am. I don’t want a bunch of “friends”. I don’t “run around” much. I’m much more of a “work and go home” person. It’s a difference that we have. For me, crowds and noise are just “unfun”.

I have learned from her. She is herself. She makes no bones about it. There is not a speck of pretense in the woman. You don’t like her or what she is? She doesn’t care. In fact, I get more offended by comments made by random people and co-workers than she does. I’m nowhere close to being as self-confident as she is

We talk often…well as often as our schedules permit. We try to have a phone call a day. It doesn’t happen that often but, often enough. It’s nice to have someone that doesn’t want anything from you but, your continued well being. Just a voice on a phone to vent to or ask silly questions or bounce thoughts off of.

*****

I don’t know where the story will end. Within the month, the SCOTUS will rule on the Marriage Equality cases before it. I know what I want and expect to happen. I don’t know if it will. I do know that however that turns out, it won’t be the end of the blog or it’s current topic. Just because the laws will be changed, prejudices and pushback won’t. I expect that the states won’t let it pass without more laws and attempts to repress. *sigh*…and I’ll keep writing…

*****

I don’t know how the current focus of the blog will change. I don’t know what variations it will go through. The exercise of writing is fun. The subject matter, Z, is worth the effort. I’d like it if she would share some of her own words even if I don’t expect that to ever happen.

For now, this post was just a story, a true story. I receive comments like “You are such a fine friend!” and think, “no, I’m not.” I’m just a friend. I’m doing this for Z. It isn’t for praise. It is what I’m SUPPOSED to do. If I’m willing to tell her, in private, that she’s loved, I should do it in public. It is my privilege to be able to write.That’s all…

Thanks, to you, readers. In the grand scheme of things, y’all are important. If you don’t read these, then there’s no point. My views are set. Z is who she is. It is your opinions that matter. It is you we are trying to influence. When you comment and it builds up Z, that matters. When you are encouraged, that matters. When you show approval for my friend, those words are important.

You, all of you, in the 35, i think, countries that have read these, have lives and loves. Those matter, too. That is also the point. This may be a blog about LBGT rights as a specific focus but, it is really about treating ALL humans with the basic respect and dignity we all deserve.

*****

There ya go. For what it’s worth, if you told me two years ago I’d be writing a blog and a story about writing a blog, I wouldn’t have believed you. No way would I have thought that a married guy and a girl that likes girls would have been able to do this. I wish the circumstances were different. “I love me some Z”. She truly is a treasure. She is an inspiration to me. Not only is she my favorite L, she’s my favorite Z. I’m glad she’s the only Z I know. Otherwise, I’d have to decide which is my favorite. *grins*…I still hope she decides to write one of these…and really don’t expect it…

Thanks for coming along with us, so far.

The Z Agenda

Okie dokie. I thought I’d drop a quick post this morning. I’ve written this blog for some time, about a year and a half. It kind of morphed from being a blog about my growth to a blog about LBGT Rights. I think that’s part of the growth process, learning to step outside myself. It has an “agenda”. I thought I’d make that clear. I’m not really altruistic when I write. I do write for a specific person, Z aka The Muse. I love my wife. She’s the only person I’ve ever “romantically” loved in my life. She’s the only person I ever intend to love that way. I am ENTIRELY faithful and dedicated to her. I also love Z. She’s as close to me as it is possible for me to allow any human to be.

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The Z Agenda is…

I don’t care who she loves as long as it is not a crime. I don’t care what she does as long as it is not self-destructive. I will support whatever decisions she makes as long as I am able. I don’t want to see her come to harm. I do want her to find a Love that is worth her. I will pray for the best for her for the rest of my life.

I do care what her faith is because, she is the first Christian I go to for prayer and want it to stay that way. If she were to change that, I would have to find a new “first Christian” and, being selfish, I don’t want to…

That is the Agenda. It says nothing about gay or straight, male or female. I DO NOT care. It is her life to live and mine to be supportive of…that’s it.

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For what it’s worth. There are lots of Z’s. There are a lot of people that are as unique as she is and as worthy of having a voice. I found mine. Find your’s and speak for them. If a bunch of us do, perhaps WE can change the World for ALL the Z’s.

I Even Included the Word “Sex” In This One…

I wrote the last one of these in a semi-light hearted tone about kissing girls and playing with boobies. I mean that. Sex is supposed to be fun…and serious. At it’s best, it’s both at the same time. That’s not too much to want for a friend…

Why is it that we think that what someone does in their bedroom is our business? Why do we think we have a right to not be exposed to something that’s against our religion? In all reality, if I see something that goes against the way I see my faith, it strengthens my faith. It makes me consider the reasons why and think them through. If they survive that test, some do and some don’t, then I’ve gained either way.

*****

I suspect that I think more about that than Z does. I probably worry more about what people think about her than she does. I know that all she really wants is to be left alone. I’d say “and not be stared at when she’s out on a date” but, she’s short and cute, people are gonna stare. *grins* I digress…

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I do worry, poor word choice, about what she does in her bedroom because I want someone to share it with her. *editorial, she’s single but, don’t ask me for her info. This is not a matchmaking service nor a place where I’ll reveal who she is* I want someone to sit on her couch with her, too. Someone that’s not just sex but, hugs, walks, date night, laundry day, chores, and cooking dinner. I want someone that’s willing to commit for the rest of their lives. So, I am concerned about who she shares her bed with because I’m concerned about who she shares the rest of the house with. Who that person is, is not anyone’s business but theirs. I hope this makes the tiniest bit of sense.

I know that some of my fellow Christians will take issue with me encouraging her to fall in love with another woman. I know they’d be shocked and call me a Heretic for my view. So what? I’m encouraging a human to fall in love with another human. I’m saying that I think being in love is a good thing. I’m saying that I don’t care what gender another human loves. Where is it our business? Where is it our right to say that’s wrong. “But the Bible says…” Yeah, it does. It also says it’s not our place to worry about the mortal soul of another but, to concern ourselves with our own. It says that we are to follow the Laws put in place by men and do what we feel is within our faith within our own households.

I have religious convictions. I also have a strong belief that the Constitution protects all of us. That my convictions are not allowed to be forced on another and their’s are not to be forced on me. Funny that, huh? What right I can not find is a right to not be exposed to something I don’t want to see. I don’t get to ban political cartoons or views I disagree with. I don’t get to tear down institutions that disagree with my personal beliefs. I don’t get to not see people I disagree with. Those are not rights. *editorial, for what it’s worth if you haven’t figured it out, I heartily agree with the way Z lives her life. She’s my friend and I’ll take what exposure to her she shares with me* I for damn sure I don’t have a right to judge someone’s love or their right to be treated equally with me…No one has that right.

I said something up there about kissing girls, playing with boobies, and sex. It isn’t about that. It’s about not being insecure. It’s about being confident in our own faith and our own relationships. Her doing what she does, in private or public, is between her and another adult, whatever their gender. It’s not about “redefining marriage” anymore than Loving v. Virginia was. If marriage is “the state of being united to a person”, then there is no change. Period. If you choose not to support marriage equality, don’t marry someone of the same gender. If you choose to not extend the same protections that you take for granted to “all citizens”, you don’t get that right…

As for me, life’s too fleeting and love’s too precious for me to want to deny it to anyone. A desire for lifetime commitment is too valuable for me to want to deny it to anyone.

*****

If you wanna hold it against Z that she’s attracted to women, then hold it against me because I encourage her. I’ll always have her back. I’ll stand in front of her and write these words. I’ll hope she finds the person of her dreams. I’ll keep saying my prayers that she marries a person that is truly worth her mind, body, and soul. I’ll keep wishing that she finds a partner that she will spend Christian Eternity with. That it’s a woman only makes a difference because that’s how she’s wired and where her attractions are. Not because it diminishes her or her love in the tiniest bit.

*sigh* Thoughts on Free Will

*sigh* I use that word a lot. It’s for a feeling of hopelessness or regret or any of a number of other feelings that aren’t covered by “*grins*”…

I seem to be in an ongoing debate about choice and free will vs predestination. I don’t really expect many people to agree with me. I am not sure that Z does. Having said that, I don’t believe in free will. It is an article of my faith that all actions and lives are within the will of God. In some ways, I’m probably the most conservative Christian I know. I’m far more conservative than some Christians that claim to be. *editorial, I’m also sure that you can and may actually try to poke holes in what I’m saying, go ahead* I believe that if God wants to change us, He can and will. I believe that we are “created in the image of God”. I believe that He knows the decisions we will make before we do. I take great comfort in knowing that there is some purpose in what we do and what happens to us. *editorial, I DO NOT claim to know what those are*

I know that I have been fantastically stupid and made a series of decisions that are best describes as “poor choices”. Those brought me to where I am. If He didn’t want those to happen, He could have changed them, He is God. I don’t know why He left me in the Wilderness for all those years. I do know that without them, I would not be where I am now, writing this blog or married to the Lady I am married to.

I digress…The topic of the debate is being gay. It is an ongoing debate for me with some people I respect. It is my contention that being gay is not a choice. It is my contention that if God wanted things to be different He would have made them different. He didn’t. That fits entirely within my belief. I suppose it also fits that I try to convince them to see my point. To tell them that they are limiting God by saying that he didn’t change them into being straight. I don’t expect to succede. The people I’m trying to convince are as stubborn as I am…

Anyway, I approve of finding love where you are able. I approve of treating any love, that is not criminal, with the same respect that I want mine treated with. It is not my place to “tolerate” it. I “approve” of it. That’s a very different word. If it happens that you share a gender with the person you were created to love, so be it.

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The SCOTUS is opening arguments for Marriage Equality today. I truly hope they see reason. I hope that they take the Constitution at face value and decide “equal protection” is equal. It becomes a matter of treating our citizens as citizens. Not as gay citizens or straight citizens or Christian citizens or Pagan citizens or (fill in the blank) citizens but, as “All men were created equal” citizens. Honestly, that’s all I want for Z and, as far as I know, she for herself. Not to be treated differently because of one aspect of herself but, to be treated as a Citizen. *editorial, treating her as Unique Z because of her personality is a different matter. There’s a reason I love the Lady, she is unique* *grins*

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Apologies for the disjointed way this fits together. Also, I don’t even begin to expect that everyone reading this is Christian. I KNOW there are some Pagans that read this. I am merely expressing how my faith fits my world view, not trying to change yours.

Why Do We Need Allies?

Okie dokie, I have a question. Before I ask it, I’ll admit that I have a skewed perspective. My friends, the ones I write about and for, are strong people. They have suffered the “slings and arrows” and come up fighting and stronger. Given that, why do “allies” have to exist? People like Z really don’t need me, in the sense that she needs reassurance of any characteristic of herself is lacking in worth or value. She doesn’t need to be told that she is a valued and treasured human being. She is all of those.

I’m not writing this to say that we shouldn’t speak out for people. I’m not even trying to make an excuse for silence in the face of stupidity or bigotry.

I’m not saying the rules should be changed, either. What I will say is that the rules should be applied evenly. As a Christian, secular rules protect my freedom to worship in the manner that suits me. Without civil protections of my rights to my personal beliefs, anyone that disagrees with me may dictate how I live my life. It is a matter of principal that those same protections be applied across the board. Simply put, equal is equal. “It’s against my religion” or “I think it’s uchy” are not reasons to blatantly discriminate.

As a straight person, my marriage is also protected. Yes, my wedding was a religious act. It was given civil legal protection. I could have had a wedding by a JP that would be given the same rights. No matter how many excuses anyone makes, NOTHING outside of my house will ever have any capacity to cheapen it.

*sigh*

Anyway, back to my point. I love Z to pieces. I call her my “cousin” because I love the idea of having her as family. I haven’t written about her as much this year because I haven’t written as much. I didn’t ask her to be a member of my family because she’s gay, I asked her because of the person she is. I wish I could make that point about the entire issue of equal rights. If you want to dislike someone because of the person they are, that’s fine. The world is full of jerks. If you want to take away civil rights because of criminal actions, again fine. That’s why prisons exist. If you want to judge based on something that happens between consenting adults, that’s not. If you want to dictate based on your views, be prepared to have the same done to you.

I don’t really want to be an “ally”. I want to be a friend. I’ll be glad when allies aren’t needed.

That question I started to ask, Why do we need allies?

So What? A Second One *oops*

We lost a co-worker. We knew it was coming. She was a trainee for a different store. I wish we could keep her. I, personally, will miss having her around. She’s a good kid. She’s smart, hard working, eager, friendly, nice smile, and laughs a lot. I was thinking that if we, Sweety and I, ever had a daughter, I’d like to have one like her. Yeah, that’s how much the last month with her made me think.

The day before she left I found out she is gay. The way the conversation went, from my side was something like this “Really? Ok, so what?”

A little bit later I told her “If we ever had a daughter, I’d like her to be like you.”

I’d still like to have a daughter like her. What’s not to want in a kid like that? That she’s gay? So what?

Being gay is only a drawback if it changes the way you view someone. In my case, the only thing it does is make me realize that there’s an other person that I care about and need to write for. It seems the list grows.

My Life Intrudes

In every life, there are things going on that are unseen by people. My life is the same. There is stuff happening on my side of the screen that shouldn’t affect what happens where you can see it. The only reason that makes a difference is that, the circumstances will be around for a month or so. It’s not a big deal, just usual “chaos”. It will get resolved, i fact, it is in the process.

I’ll apologize in advance for “cheating”. By that I mean, short posts, reblogs, or memes. I’ll try to say something worth reading as I am able. The rest of the time, you get what I have left. I hope you guys understand. I did give Z my word and I’ll do my best to keep it.

If I’m not here, neither Z nor you have been forgotten. Again, apologies in advance.

Z Told Me I Could Stop Writing These

There’s a problem with that title. It is this. I AM NOT being repressed. The voters are not voting to limit my rights. I am being granted the protections of the law. I am not waiting for the USSC to decide that I am a human citizen.

In my mind, that means that it doesn’t matter if it is a bit “difficult” to find a way to try to change someone’s views. The amount of time and energy I put into this is minor compared to what Z, and the rest of the LBGT community, has to live with on a daily basis.

In all honesty, I will be glad when I can stop writing these. I’ll be glad for the simple reason that they are no longer needed. I understand that ANY ruling, or set of laws, will not put an end to hate. The Civil Rights movement didn’t end racism, either. There’s nothing I can do or say to end that. It will mean, however, that my friend is treated as she deserves under the law. Then, maybe, she and I, can find a different subject to write about.

*editorial, You will NEVER hear me say that this is NOT worth the effort. If you knew Z and watched her stand up for the “underdog” you would realize why I gladly stand up for her. She deserves it*