Feeding the Demons

Dear Trinity,

I have some bad news. The demons don’t ever go away. Just when you think you have them beat, they remind you that they never left, just went underground. They let you become complacent while they were retrenching for a counter strike…

It doesn’t seem fair to me, at least I earned my demons. I invited them in, gave them a snack, and let them call my head their home. You didn’t. Yours were uninvited guests. I think that’s why I’m letting mine out, maybe if I give mine some space outside, there’s some room for you to kick some of yours out and a place for them to go. You see, I do have a few more years practice dealing with them. I won’t use the word “gladly” but, “willingly” seems to fit…

First some bad news. You will be sitting in a room full of people and feel alone. There will be times that, for no reason you can identify, you will panic. There will be days that nothing seems to make things any better and you just don’t like being you very much. What a kick in the head way to start, hunh? I have those days. You know that because I’ve come to you with them…

Here’s the deal. demons don’t have to define you. The only people that know they’re there are the one you see in the mirror…and the people you share them with. Choose wisely who you do share them with. Find someone that is willing to love you. *I was looking a word from Greek, the word storge is the one I want. It means ” the love that friends feel for each other… Storge love is unconditional, accepts flaws or faults and ultimately drives you to forgive. It’s committed, sacrificial and makes you feel secure, comfortable and safe.* Let those people in and be loved for yourself. Demons hate that. They can not stand the light of the love that the people that surround you bring…

Remember, though, the demons have  big lies.

They will tell you that you’re supposed to be happy all the time and when you’re not, they’ll be waiting. They’ll tell you it’s your fault that you aren’t. That’s a lie because not every day is happy. Stuff happens. Life happens…

They will tell you that you aren’t worthy. Just take my word for it, you are.

They will tell you that love is false and trust is a fools game. In time, you will learn both. You won’t trust everyone all the time and that’s fine. Some don’t deserve it. Love, on the other hand, the deep abiding love that comes with time and shared life, is ALWAYS worth the risk. I don’t mean that foolish “crush” that school girls have on movie stars but, the kind that looks at you and see’s “forever”. In those eyes, when you are old and gray, you will be the most beautiful woman on the planet. That day will come, when you find that…and the third happiest person for you will be me, because you and they will be the first two.

In time, the demons will start to fade. They won’t ever go away but, they will be less powerful…if you don’t feed them. You WILL  learn to keep them on their leash and, when they slip off, you will be able to put them back…and if you can’t, find me. I’ll be around to listen.

You got this. I’m neither your only friend, nor your best but, I believe in you. You are stronger than the demons. I think you will be stronger than I am…I just have more practice. They live in the past and yesterday is well and truly gone. You got this.



P.S. You know all of this. I just said it to remind you when you forget *grins*


A Sample of One or, Are You Possessed ?

My sample size is skewed. When I write these, and I need input, I only ask one person. I know that includes bias. That’s fine with me. I freely admit bias. My perspective is biased toward Z. If it is good for her, I’m for it. if it affects her negatively, I’m against it. That doesn’t mean that I don’t think less of MY family, Sweety and me. It’s just that the social inequality that I write about doesn’t affect, directly, our marriage.

When I have a question about how it feels, I don’t want some poll made up of strangers. Why would I? Why shouldn’t I go to the person I write for and about? When I think about how lives are affected, the lives I am most concerned about are the lives of the people I care about. This truly is personal. That’s, in my mind, for the best. A sample size of one provides clarity. In the current iteration of this blog, that’s all that’s needed. Since it is for and about Z first, why should the size be greater. Since my perspective, as the author, is skewed towards her, that’s the only input I want.

Speaking of input, I read an article today and some guy, Gordon Klingenschmitt, said that Z was possessed by a “demonic spirit”. I asked Z. She isn’t. I didn’t think so. If she were, why would she pray for me when I ask. Why would I feel comfortable enough to go to her and why would she ask me to pray for her? That stuff kind of disqualifies the whole demon thing.

See why I only need a sample size of one? If I can’t trust Z, who can I trust? So, you can keep your Gallup Polls. I’ll keep my Z-Poll. I like my polls better anyway. I trust her to tell me the truth. Kind of hard to skew the numbers when it is only one.

Gotta add this, how many other people do you know that you can ask “are you possessed by a demon?” and get an answer without even a twitch? *grins*