We Created This and We Have to Fix It


This is what we have done. My faith, Christianity, says that women are second class. My “programming” says that they are there to keep the home…and by extension, be mothers first and women second. Western Culture is finally breaking out of the Puritan view that women are sexually depraved and morally weak. We allow ourselves, men, to believe that we are “owed” whatever we want from women because they are incapable of doing anything without a man. We are taught, from an early age, that some things are “women’s work”. We have created a stereotype that makes them only menials.


Kipling wrote this in “The Female of the Species” and this is what WE fear…

“When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

When Nag the basking cobra hears the careless foot of man,
He will sometimes wriggle sideways and avoid it if he can.
But his mate makes no such motion where she camps beside the trail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

When the early Jesuit fathers preached to Hurons and Choctaws,
They prayed to be delivered from the vengeance of the squaws.
‘Twas the women, not the warriors, turned those stark enthusiasts pale.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Man’s timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say,
For the Woman that God gave him isn’t his to give away;
But when hunter meets with husband, each confirms the other’s tale,
The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Man, a bear in most relations-worm and savage otherwise,,
Man propounds negotiations, Man accepts the compromise.
Very rarely will he squarely push the logic of a fact
To its ultimate conclusion in unmitigated act.

Fear, or foolishness, impels him, ere he lay the wicked low,
To concede some form of trial even to his fiercest foe.
Mirth obscene diverts his anger,- Doubt and Pity oft perplex
Him in dealing with an issue, to the scandal of The Sex!

But the Woman that God gave him, every fibre of her frame
Proves her launched for one sole issue, armed and engined for the same;
And to serve that single issue, lest the generations fail,
The female of the species must be deadlier than the male.

She who faces Death by torture for each life beneath her breast
May not deal in doubt or pity, must not swerve for fact or jest.
These be purely male diversions, not in these her honour dwells.
She the Other Law we live by, is that Law and nothing else.

She can bring no more to living than the powers that make her great
As the Mother of the Infant and the Mistress of the Mate.
And when Babe and Man are lacking and she strides unclaimed to claim
Her right as femme (and baron), her equipment is the same.

She is wedded to convictions, in default of grosser ties;
Her contentions are her children, Heaven help him who denies!,
He will meet no suave discussion, but the instant, white-hot, wild,
Wakened female of the species warring as for spouse and child.

Unprovoked and awful charges, even so the she-bear fights,
Speech that drips, corrodes, and poisons, even so the cobra bites,
Scientific vivisection of one nerve till it is raw
And the victim writhes in anguish, like the Jesuit with the squaw!

So it cames that Man, the coward, when he gathers to confer
With his fellow-braves in council, dare not leave a place for her
Where, at war with Life and Conscience, he uplifts his erring hands
To some God of Abstract Justice, which no woman understands.

And Man knows it! Knows, moreover, that the Woman that God gave him
Must command but may not govern, shall enthral but not enslave him.
And She knows, because She warns him, and Her instincts never fail,
That the Female of Her Species is more deadly than the Male.”

*Yes, this is a 19th Century sexist view. It is gender divided along strict biological roles.*

We know this to be true…and it terrifies us. We HAVE to exert power or we have to admit weakness. That is the perception.


That quiet girl in the corner at the party, her boyfriend raped her and no one believes it. He’s a nice guy… The one that’s very loudly drunk, her father abuses her and her mom blames her… The girl that was walking home from work because her car broke just got blamed for wearing shorts and a halter top in 105-degree heat. The cops told her she was asking for it…The college student that passed out at a frat party should have expected it…The one you just ogled, she dressed for herself and NOT you…The girl that has a string of abusive relationships, the first was her father and, now, that’s all she thinks she deserves…The one you just called a b**ch, she doesn’t trust anyone because she can’t. Everyone she did trust told her he loved her and betrayed her. You were staring and the only way she feels safe is to push you away…The older lady with the bad attitude in the grocery store, her husband has been an abusive drunk for 40 years…

The random indignities, the disrespect that men don’t see, the verbal abuse we think is flattery, the casual disregard, the turning to stare, the whistles and comments, we don’t even realize we’re doing them and women have to put up with them. We think it’s normal. We think those are compliments. We think they’re our right…yet, if we had to deal with it, we could not.

Women didn’t invite this. They for damn sure don’t deserve it. No one does.


Guys, men, we created this. We are the cause and the solution. We have made the world so that we are not trusted. We have told women that they are second class, that they are servants, property, sexual objects, stupid, and only good for bearing children. Every right they have, they had to fight for. They had to fight to be able to vote. They had to fight to be able to decide when to and not to have sex. They had to win the right to choose contraception. Now, we have the nerve to blame them for not trusting us to act in their best interests when we have proven time and again that we will not…

The answer it not to “allow” them to have rights.It is to, finally, shut up. They well and truly earned their space and rights. If men had to put up with the s**t that women have had to, this would be long over. It is not “giving up” power, it’s sharing it with the other half of Humanity…Women shouldn’t have to fight to get what is theirs. We, men, have to finally get over ourselves. We, Humanity, can be greater than what we are when half of humanity doesn’t fear the other half…and, yeah, I mean both halves fearing the other…


What the Hell Was He Thinking?

“Hey Sarah, I can make you straight”…so what he really said was “all you need is a good f**k” to her. I wasn’t there but, I’m assuming it was a casual comment. He didn’t see anything wrong with what he said. He could have added, “You’re not really human. You’re just legs to be spread and tits to be played with. Every time I see you, I see you naked in bed”. He could have just as easily added, “I know you’re a dyke but, that won’t matter if I rape you. You’ll like it…” Every bit of that was in that comment that was casually made.

All that in one passing comment to one woman. I’m finding out that those comments are far from uncommon. I know women walk in public being undressed with the eyes of men. I know it happens more often than it doesn’t.

Even when it’s someone we know, we don’t see people, we see objects. How can you really believe she’s human and tell her you think that doing something to her that she will never want to do is good for her? If you had just been with the “right man”…Hey, A$$hole, she’s a Lesbian and has kids. She’s been with a man… more than once… What the hell do you think you could do? She knows the f**king difference and likes women.

Every woman I talked to said the same thing, every day they feel like someone is “undressing” them. You can not go a single day without seeing casual comments about “b**ch slapping”, rape, “men like women who…” and myriad  other things. The simple and casual degradation has become so pervasive that we don’t even think about it…

Even to the point that I’m questioning myself. I catch myself becoming angry…and possessive…and begin to wonder if I’d be so angry if it was someone else, someone unknown? Were it not, “MY best friend” “MY loved ones” but, just some person that I don’t know?…

I started this blog writing about two Ladies I love. I was writing about Religious freedom for one of them and LBGT Rights for the other. The context was that they were citizens and deserved the same rights. That was and still is true. It missed a bigger issue…

We have a culture that sets the status quo as treating women as objects and possessions. We tell women to accept the casual comments and random offers of violence as normal. We tell them they are at fault when they are raped. We don’t even think there’s anything wrong when someone goes to a Lesbian and tells her she needs a good f**king to “make you straight”. We don’t even see humans, all we see are tits and spread legs.

I thought this was just going to be one post, a few days ago, about how women are talked down about when they have other things to do than date or sleep with some random guy. I was writing one for Aj because she was pissed about how casually it happens in the workplace…I was wrong. The more I talk to people and the more I see what happens around me, the more I realize that things are totally effed.  The more angry I become and the more I realize that someone, me, needs to say stop. It isn’t a “teach your kids” issue. That simplifies things far too much. There is a huge double standard…it’s an “open your damn eyes” issue. It’s a “what is wrong with you, don’t you have a mother?” issue.

I wonder if that guy that made the comment to Z would think it’s ok if some guy came up to him and said “I’ll give you a good f**king and you’ll never go back to women”? Would that be good with him? I mean, he didn’t think he was saying anything wrong to Z when he said essentially the same thing.

Until we get past that attitude, the “all she needs is a good f**k” things will stay wrong. Blaming her for what is done to her, meaning rape, assault, or emotional abuse, is wrong. Blaming her for your own inability to get laid because YOU are an a$$hole, is wrong. Saying “If you don’t want to entice a rapist, don’t wear high heels so you can’t run from him … If I’m walking around in my underwear and I’m drunk. Who else’s fault can it be?” (Chrissie Hynde) *yeah, a woman said that one* Means things are so pervasive and invasive that we are beyond effed…

Too angry and frustrated to write any more, all I have left is a string of profanities that would end with “Hey, A$$HOLE, SHUT YOUR STUPID F**KING MOUTH” so, I’ll just let this one end…

A Random Thoughts Post…

Some thoughts…

The past two posts have been about me. I’ve been humbled by what people have said to me after reading them. I’ve been called “amazing” more than once. *sigh* I don’t want to be amazing. I want to be normal.These are the people I think are amazing. Aj and Z, my wife, people that are “out” in states that have legalized repression, people that stay true to their faith in the face of scorn, Cops and Firemen, EMT’s, Military members, single moms, people with disabilities that rise above them. These are the people I think are amazing.


If you’re a single guy and you know a Lesbian that has ended her relationship. don’t ask her out. She’s single, NOT straight. *editorial, this is for Z* Men can be such boneheads. *sigh*


I’m trying to find a way to say what I mean without starting an argument or sound condescending. My closest friends are women, strong women, yet, I am not a feminist. The women I know don’t need to be “empowered”. They have strength of their own. They have no need for someone to give them anything. They get the respect that they have EARNED. I suppose that’s another of the many reasons I like them so much. They are tough. They’ve been kicked in the teeth and bounced back fighting. They are smart, hard working, caring and cynical. They have their soft sides but, you better not try to take advantage of that, either. If they give you their love, count yourself lucky. Women like that don’t need some guy giving them anything. Those women are why I’m not a “feminist”.


I write these for Aj and Z. When I write, I try to advocate for them because they allow me to. I write out of some sense of wanting to protect my friends. *editorial, it’s a bit of an ironic thought based on the previous bit, hunh?* They knew what I was writing about when I was writing yesterday’s post. They knew how much I was stressing it. Before that post, I’m not sure they knew the details or emotional mess that went on. Still, both of them were protecting me by being here, this side of the screen, while I was writing. It’s what friends do. We take care of each other. Friends like that are why I keep posting for them. They deserve my best because they give me theirs. *editorial, their best is really good, too. grins*


Again, not to sound condescending, I started writing for one Pagan. I still do. She keeps me on track. Having said that, there are more Pagans than I think there are, aren’t there? Before Aj, I didn’t know anyone that had told me that they’re Pagan. Now I know a bunch. Who knew? Christians think we run things. We think that we have more of us than all the rest combined. We don’t. Right? Anyway, that’s all of that thought.


I must be doing something right because the people that I love and admire are amazing and they let me love them. *HUGE SMILE…y’all have a nice night

Poor Poor Me

Some days are more effective than others. Some posts get responses and for a sec I think that someone might be reading them. Other days, there is zero response. It happens. I know that a blog is a selfish act. It presumes that someone thinks that what I think has worth to someone else. It strokes the ego. Some days, I write one of these and think “this one is great, it might REALLY make a difference” and it falls flat.

Aj would tell me to shut up, quit whining, and drive on. She would also remind me that other people have lives and that it isn’t all about me. She would be correct.

If the worst things that happen in my day are that no one reads these or some idiot tells me I’m going to Hell, my life isn’t that rough. It’s not like states are trying to pass laws that limit my rights. It isn’t like I’m being told that I’m “un-American” because I’m not a Christian. It isn’t like me looking at the news and seeing people of my gender being treated like chattel, raped and murdered for being women, or being threatened and killed for being gay. All that happens to me is that I don’t get my ego stroked.

My three closest friends are women. My wife is a woman. Most of my other friends are women. That’s a good thing. I’m not a “girly man”. I don’t really have a feminine side. I am merely smart enough to recognize the value in the people I cherish. It happens that they are women. It does skew my perspective, though. It makes me realize that “my demographic” is much more of a threat to them than we are willing to admit. We, men, both overtly and covertly, treat women like objects. We use religion to marginalize and disparage them. We demand our “rights” and say they are exaggerating the issues. I do not understand the psychology of that.

My friends are capable, loving, tough, smart, wise, and talented. They have words worth hearing. They have faith that is stronger than mine. They have courage beyond what I think I am capable of. They face, daily, things that would make me hide.

My friends have paths that are not mine. That doesn’t matter to me as much as that I try to protect their rights to those paths. If you happen to read this and are Pagan, gay, female, or some combination, please understand that not all white, male, Christians are out to get you. At least one of us, when he’s not feeling sorry for himself, thinks the World would be a much less worthy place without you in it. Some of us, me at least, think that you were not created to be a lesser being or a weaker sex. Some of us recognize your toughness, wisdom, wit, brains, and capacity for love and are in awe of it. You don’t have to be a feminist to see that, all you have to do is deflate your ego a tiny bit and see the treasures around you.