gratitude

Last Chance Labor Day Sale

LAST CHANCE SALE!
Was $2,499.99 TODAY ONLY reduced to $9.99. 

  • Emerald Eyes and Mermaid Hair
  • Attitude
  • Poise, Grace, and Her Own Unique Style
  • Fearlessly Loyal
  • Kind and Caring

Do you want a New Best Friend that will always respond to your messages and calls? Are you looking for a New Best Friend to play Golf with or take on Outings? Is your idea of a New Best Friend perky and cheerful at all hours of the morning? Is Conventional™ exactly what you’re looking for? Do you need someone to go to church with? Do you like Winter Sports and Skiing? If those things are what you’re craving, for just 9.99 you’ll get far more than you could expect…
There’s more. For a limited time only, this New Best Friend will be shipped with our Exclusive Cutlery Set™ complete with knives, forks, spoons, and napkins. In addition, if you order today, your New Best Friend will bring her very own shovel. Today only, if you use the Promo Code “AjIsNotForSale” your New Best Friend will be shipped free via UPS Next Day Air.
*****

Look guys, I’ve had far too much fun with this. I asked Aj if I could sell her on craigslist and she said “Don’t think you’ll get many offers. I’m a real bitch. What the hell? I could use some pocket change.”
*sigh*
I NEED Aj to exist. We don’t talk every day. Most of the time it’s a week or three apart. Doesn’t particularly matter how often we talk. What matters is that I am entirely sure that she has claimed me as her Best Friend and I’ve claimed her as my “best friend that is not my wife”.  I truly revel in that.

She IS a bitch. She can be blunt and arrogant. She can be cutting but, not needlessly cruel. She is also kind and compassionate. She is patient if you’re trying to understand and will call you out for your stupidity if you’re not. Her “normal” isn’t mine but, she’s “normal” to me because I only know her to be exactly what she is.
She, if she wanted, could hurt me. I’ve given her that permission…and the only other person that is that far “inside” is my wife. The thing is, she won’t. She would rather let me wound her than to hurt me. There’s an opposite side to that coin. If I wanted to, I could do the same to her…and I’d rather chop off my hand. She doesn’t preview these, she reads them when you do. That means that she read that she was going to hell and being burned at the stake when Y’all did…and understood exactly why they were written and knew how hard they were to write.

I’ve been trying to sell her as a joke but, if she needed or found an upgrade Best Friend, I’d wish her well…and miss her dearly. My world is bigger and better for having her in it. I’m sure that at some point something else she tells me will give me some excuse to go neurotic and panicky…I hope it does because that’s when I learn the most while I work through it.

Life is short. I don’t know how long God has planned for me nor gods for her but, I’ll take the minutes they give us with gratitude. Aj is NOT for sale now nor will she ever be. You couldn’t afford to pay what she’s worth to me and you don’t have the right coin to offer.

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Don’t Use Those Words Again, Please

Ok, I’m having one of those moments when I need to say something in public to random strangers…I need to make sure that, by saying in public what I would say in private, that my words are not so easily dismissed.

I have a friend that I’ve written a few blogs for or about. I have no need to lie to her or pander to her whims. There is zero monetary or personal gain for me from telling her things just to make her feel better and, besides, that isn’t me. I have told her things I am SURE she didn’t want to hear. So, when I compliment, it is the absolute truth…well, there is my own bias which could, perhaps, color my subjectivity…

So, let’s begin. Do you do things that concern me? Yes and we’ve talked about them at length so, there’s no need here. Are you perfect?

Are you perfect? Nope, but, not one single human is. Yes, you are able to be opinionated and angry at times…just like every other human on the planet…

Now, for the reason, I’m writing. You say things that I wish you wouldn’t. You describe yourself with words that make me sad. I’m not a sad person by nature so, when I am, there’s a good cause…

Lately, you have used the words “slut”, “whore”, “easy lay”, and “fat” as descriptions of yourself.

*sigh*

I don’t know how to convince you that you are not correct. You are just not correct.

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying sex. Period. That you do doesn’t make you an object. It makes you human. Those first three descriptors are words that make me think that you think of yourself as an object, an item to be used and discarded. You are not. End of story.

You are also not “fat” or any other negative. You do exercise. You swim, run, and row. You are in good physical shape. You might argue that you could be in better shape. So could everyone. I’m thin as a rail because of an accident of genetics, not because of anything I actively do.

Maybe you believe my rebuttals to your words or maybe this will make my point better…

*remember the part about no free compliments, remember those words when you read these*

You know I never had kids and you don’t fill that spot in my world, for two reasons. First, because being called “daughter” has bad connotations to you. Second, because you aren’t in that spot. You are a trusted and loved friend. Having said that, if you were my daughter, I couldn’t be prouder of you.

Do you realize what you’ve done?

You were smart enough and brave enough to leave an abusive relationship at a great cost to yourself. You have realized you made some mistakes and are taking steps to quit them forever. You see and confront your demons every day and push them farther back into their cage. You have not judged ME for what I’ve done, let me share my demons with you, and helped me face mine while dealing with your own. You have become, without intent, one of the people I trust…and you know how rarely I give that.

Those words that you use about yourself, please don’t. Those mistakes you think define you, you aren’t them. You are defined by your triumphs…not your defeats.

When the haters and the voices judge you, remember my words, not theirs…My words will tell you that you do have worth. They will say that the PERSON you are is valuable. That your soul is untarnished. That you are needed for something that isn’t tangible, your mind. That the world is a better place for having you in it. That, just by existing, you make me smile.

My words will tell you that you do have worth. They will say that the PERSON you are is valuable. That your soul is untarnished. That you are needed for something that isn’t tangible, your mind. That the world is a better place for having you in it. That, just by existing, you make me smile.

Like I said up there,those words you said about yourself,  please never use them again. You are not them. Not before, not now, not ever. I may not be objective but, you earned my subjective view.

I may not be objective but, you earned my subjective view. To me, you’re irreplaceable.

 

How In the H**l Did That Happen?

I didn’t set out to find a friend…much less a teacher. I was being a smart alec and rude. It was a stupid PvP game. How was I to know that, years later, the game would be gone and the friend remain? I wasn’t really looking for anything except for a foil to my inner smarta$$.

As much as I want, I can not wrap her in tissue paper and protect her like a china doll, nor would she want me to.

She puts up with my “antics”, fears, frustrations, missteps, poor phrasing, overthinking, rambles, and “scruffy” mind. She chides, cajoles, and forces me to think. Sometimes she tells me to go away…and that’s cool, too. I don’t even begin to know why. *She’s trying to teach me not to ask and I’m trying to learn that* I do know this, though, she loves me and that’s enough.

Sometimes, mostly, there aren’t really formal lessons. This isn’t school where its Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic. It’s more, I find out something by accident that I need to learn and she nudges me in the right direction…usually without me realizing it.

*****

I’ve been writing this over a period of a few days because I really feel like having something for tomorrow and I don’t really have a clue. A wise woman told me that writing says, paraphrase, more about the writer than the subject. I agree. Sometimes *grins* I hope that writing in first-person isn’t saying “I’m a narcissist” *grins again* or “I’m just a big bag of neurotic wrapped in a nice old guy” *grins 3rd time*

*****

Oh yeah, the title. Oops, almost forgot it. *editorial, I usually have a title before a post. It substitutes for an outline* It’s sort of rhetorical. I know how it happened. It happened because I did something I rarely do. I listened and found wisdom. I had an old mentor teach me that when wisdom appeared, don’t question your notions of the source, just accept it. Funny thing, I don’t think he, a “fundie” Christian, was talking about a Pagan woman a few years younger than me. *grins* I LOVE irony. *grins again* He’d flip if he knew that I was allowing myself to be taught by a woman…much less an un-believer…

So, here’s an other thought…Even though I call her “teacher”, and that is true, she’s really my best friend…and happens to teach me stuff. *editorial, sometimes that’s “sit down and shut up* She really just lives her life and answers my questions. Sometimes even when I drive her to distraction…

*****

Some other thinking, I KNOW she doesn’t want “married” again. What I want for her is for someone, besides her children, to let her be the most important person in their world. I want, for her, hugs, security, comfort, sex, passion, and words like “I love you. I couldn’t imagine my life without you. You are the most beautiful woman in the world”. *editorial, in my view, the most beautiful woman in the world is the one you look at and see “forever”. I married mine* Those things are not too much to want for your best friend.

*****

*grins*

So, how did this happen? How did an uptight “fundie” come to think a Pagan wasn’t going to Hell? How did a smarta$$ wind up being best friends with a “target”? How did that morph into “teacher” all the while remaining best friend?

*grins again*

What I do know is this. All those silly “why” questions don’t matter. They’re a waste of energy. I’ll keep what I’ve got and enjoy it. I am a lucky guy. I have a best friend that is my wife…and I have a best friend that is not…and they both want the best for me.

Life is good…y’all have a nice day and I hope you have the same luck…

Just One Tiny Thing, My Holiday Post

 

I have a friend, she’s sarcastic, caustic, controversial, opinionated, loving, kind, loyal, honest, out spoken, Christianish, hard-working, and a bit of a danger to herself with tools. She’s kind of cute in a short girl sort of way. I accidentally became friends with her and I can not, now, imagine not having her in my world. She’s a confidante and a person I go to with the things I don’t go to with anyone else save two others. Sometimes, she even comes to me and it flatters me when she does. In short, pun intended, she’s everything I want in a friend. She’s completely human and aware of her frailties and failings. *editorial, yeah, being human means imperfection*

*sigh*

Why don’t we see people for what they are? In an age of the internet and alleged news that panders to our fears, we are becoming more divided. We are able to find views that more tightly conform to our fears and biases. Seeking out groups that reinforce our own xenophobic world view and dehumanizing those that don’t fit those views has become easier. It seems that the fringe has become the middle. Otherwise Godly and reasonable people hide behind the anonymity  of a fake profile to post degrading comments about humans that differ in life or view. It also allows people to use it to spread their words without hiding and gain greater audience because of their position or fame and, yet, also spread words of hate, disdain, and fear.

Around this time of year, the religions that I have a passing familiarity with or, in the case of Christianity, greater than “passing”, have holidays. Paganism celebrates Yule. To them, the days growing longer after Yule are the return of light and re-birth. Hannukah celebrates the miracle of sacred oil lasting days longer than it should and the giving of life by G-d. We, Christians, celebrate Christmas and the birth of the Light of the World. The three of these have commonality in the celebration of something dark becoming light and the blessings of beginnings.

So, why do we not get it? Why do we want and expect to be respected for our selves and our faith and not give it? Why do I read words of an alleged man of God saying “they are not human”? Why do I see, when we are celebrating life and goodness, politicians being divisive and creating enmity where common ground should exist? What’s worse, why do I see people I know, reasonable and rational people, falling into the trap of believing those that pander to their fears?

It’s the Holidays. It’s the time of the year where we should be coming together to celebrate life. It’s the time of year that humans should be looking forward to the coming of longer days and warmth. It is the beginning of the coldest part of our seasons with the promise of new beginnings and greater hope. This is when we should be seeking common ground…

Do you wonder why I started out talking about a friend and her humanity and then veered? Because, although this is sort of about holidays, it is more about seeing and celebrating humans. She always tells me to “educate”. Her humanity is her greatest strength. ALL of her humanity is, failings and strengths. Her capacity for love and compassion as well as her ability to hate those that would do evil…and there’s one tiny thing I didn’t mention, she’ll, for all my love and admiration of her, never be a threat to my marriage because she’s gay. In the grand scheme of things, that’s beyond tiny.

This is the time of the year we celebrate Miracles. It is the time that we look toward Spring and the coming out of darkness. It is where we can see the coming of growth with the warmth we KNOW must come. The greatest miracle of all is that we are able to share this world with each other. Don’t look at the tiny things and miss the greater whole. Look to the life and light that is around us and celebrate. Be grateful for what’s given and yet to come…

Merry Christmas. Blessed Yule. Chag Sameach. Peace to all of you Humans.

I Was an Addict, So Don’t Praise Me…

I love being married. I suppose I appreciate it more because I never expected it. I was long past the point where I ever expected to find someone that would want to marry me. I always thought I was “damaged goods”…

It’s funny, very much NOT ha ha, that people fight against who they are. We believe that we are trapped in a place and unable to bend or change. I was convinced I’d go to my grave an addict. I hated myself and decided God had abandoned me so, I’d abandon him. I had a warped view that allowed Hell to exist and not Heaven. I could pin down a locality for Hell, just look inside my clothes. It was wandering around in there…

I do not equate what I went through with what some friends did. I struggled against my own perception of who I was. I fought against a view that I was trapped in a pattern of MY OWN making. It is truly not the same as knowing who you are and being told by “society” that you can not be that. Addicts are islands. We remove ourselves from the world. We live in isolation out of shame and self-loathing that WE OURSELVES have created. We think the lies we tell ourselves about ourselves are the truth. We justify a continued series of criminal acts with “I can’t help myself…” We fool ourselves into thoughts that no one knows when everyone does. When we finally realize we aren’t trapped and do change, hopefully before it’s too late, we are praised…

Honestly, I don’t think that praise is earned. Why should I be praised for not slowly killing myself and poisoning everyone around me with my toxicity? What kudos for not being a criminal have I earned? If you want to praise me for doing a good job at work, fine. If I do a good job at cooking a meal and you enjoyed it, I’ll take that. Just DO NOT tell me how great I am for being an ex-addict. I shouldn’t have been one to begin with, I knew better. I am a nice guy. I am a loyal friend. I do my d**nedest to be a good husband. Those, too, do not deserve praise, they’re what I’m supposed to do…

Society also forces roles. It tells a fraction of the population that they have to be what the other 90 odd percent think they should be. Sometimes people become trapped in that spot, too. They try to conform and be what’s expected of them. Sometimes, they break free. I have a few friends that did that. I am prouder of them than I am of myself. I fought me. They fought everyone and themselves and they won. I didn’t know them when they were someone else, I only know them as the persons they are now. I love those people. That they don’t judge me based on who I was is a gift I gladly take. That they don’t hold against me that I spent more time as a criminal, yeah addicts are criminals and ex-addicts aren’t, than I haven’t is a blessing that I am grateful for.

Why do we think it’s our “right” to judge? *Yeah, skip the “criminal” part of what comes next. We can agree that crimes need and deserve to be prosecuted.* Why do we think we should be able to tell someone “you have to be what I want you to be?” Our individual lives are the only things that we will ever own, as fleeting as they may be. Possessions may be lost or stolen. Why then do we think we have a reason to steal someone’s “self” as if we own them? What reason to impose our view of what context for some life that is not our own. What reason to demean or degrade a human that has not earned our scorn?

I get that people do not understand any other human. I barely understand myself. I get that people want to think that some things are “choice” and are not. I get that we tend to impose what we think on someone without having the tiniest clue if it’s actually the truth. We assume that some people have the ability to change…not realizing they did. They changed from living a lie to living the truth. We tell them that their truth is of no value or “against my religion” as an excuse to deny them the right to be themselves *sigh* while demanding the recognize our same self-demanded rights…

I may be any number of things. What I am not is someone else. Who I happen to love is my wife. She’s the center of my world. No one ever told me I couldn’t marry her. No one ever told me that my love for her was worthless. Who someone decides they want to spend their life with is not for another human to judge except for the person they offer their love to. It is SOLELY for that person to accept or reject. It is a gift that is the greatest offering one human can give another. So, why then, do some persons think it’s their right to judge that? What possible personal reason to impose a third view where only two are important?

Does any of this make sense?

Agree or disagree with Obergefell or not. It no longer matters. What’s left is looking inside ourselves and finding a way…We, individuals, may celebrate a victory for our friends. Some of you may call it a defeat for morality. Either way, it is the law. It doesn’t matter what our, outsider, views are. How someone else views a relationship is no longer a reason to disallow it. What finally matters is what the individuals inside of it think.

*sigh*

Like I said up there, I am proud of my friends. I survived me. They survived everyone else. Letting them live their lives with the same peace and lack of judgment that I’m given is not too much to ask. So, please, look at the individuals and base your view on their individual lives and not some preconceived notion? Please, they’ve earned that much…What we should be doing is rejoicing with them that they’ve found love in the first place.

 

A Very Long Way to Get to “I Love You”

I was reading a year old post. It seems that some things haven’t changed. I mean, the things that bounce around in my head don’t…

A year ago I wrote, “She is going to be my priority when I write.” about Z. The only difference is that now I write, “I’m doing this for Z.”

A year ago I wrote, “I worry that by reminding Z that the “haters” exist and that, … it brings her down.” I still do.

A year ago I wrote, “This blog would not exist without Z. She deserves credit. She earned it. So, if you happen to read these, think about Z. These might be my words but, they wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her.” *grins*  Yesterday, “For what it’s worth, if it weren’t for Z coming out to me, I’d have never written the blog. I might have done a few posts around the subject but, not this many and not this much effort.” Go figure…

*****

I’ve never hid that I’m an ex-addict. That comes with some baggage. Some of that is that, even though I’m 9 years and change clean, I wasn’t from my mid-teens through early forties. That means I am having to learn some emotional lessons that I should have learned in my teens and early twenties. For example, I need to have some idea where relationships stand.

For example, I need to have some idea where relationships stand. To digress…you, Readers, know about Z. Well, when I started, this was also about Religious Freedom. The reason being that Aj, my “best friend that is not my wife”, is Pagan. The main focuses were to be LBGT Rights for Z, Religious Freedom for Aj, and a few side trips into stuff about me. It became more focussed on Z because Marriage Equality is coming to a head… So, just because it morphed into a blog about Z, it didn’t take away from Aj. Tracking so far?

Here’s the confusion and my “baggage”…In my confused and scrambled up brain, I have to try to keep people in their boxes and order. I mean, wife first, (fill in the blank) second, (fill in the blank) third, etc. Still along with me? So, with Aj in second, where did Z fit? I mean, I’ve been writing about her, thousands of words and a couple hundred posts, for over a year. That and we talk almost every day. I say her name to God every time I go to sleep. That’s a huge amount of emotional energy. I am learning emotional stuff as I go, right? So, my tiny brain was getting rattled and stressed because of that desire to prioritize. Baggage, right? I didn’t want to hurt Aj’s feelings by saying I love Z, too. Didn’t want to hurt Z by saying she’s less than Aj.  That’s the lesson. I can love someone. I can love an other someone. I love my wife. *editorial, MY WIFE is and will always be FIRST. She’s the only romantic love in my life and the only one I desire. Forever. Period.*…

Anyway, I learned, yesterday, to my great relief, after much agony and confusion and stress, that I didn’t have to take away from either Aj or Z. They can be tied. I can love Bacon and Rib-eye at the same time, even if they’re very different. *grins* To digress…again…to me, because of the baggage, food is security. Having enough to eat was not always something that occurred in my past. Thus the analogy…So, I don’t have to make someone I love second to someone else I love. Funny thing is, I told them and they were Aj, “Why would you ever have to choose?” and Z, “I told him the same thing yesterday,Aj. He doesn’t have to pick. Feels like how I feel about my kids. I love them all. I have no favorite.” Did I say I’m a bit dense? The best part is they know and love each other. *editorial, I really really stress hurting the feelings of the three women in this section*

*deep breath* I am un-stressed. Is that a word? Poor Z took the brunt of my confusion and over-thinking. I’d agonize and ramble at her trying to figure out where she was supposed to be. I’d try to talk around and work it through. I’d question MY motivation and who I wanted her to be and what place she belonged in. Ugh for her. I’d have smacked me. At least Aj didn’t have to put up with the nonsense, read bulls**t, that I subjected Z to. Lucky her. *grins* Sorry, Z.

I’m sure, very positively sure, there’s more crap buried in my skull that’ll come out in time. More years un-sober than sober leaves a big pile of manure to shovel out…

*****

That last part is a good lead in to this…

This blog has been a year and a half long “love letter”. It has been about my love of my wife. It has been about how it’s possible to un-romantically love other people. It has been about my love of my faith and how it is possible for someone else’s love of their faith to strengthen mine. I’ve become a better Christian by knowing and loving a Pagan, Aj. It has been about how what society thinks of love has no effect on what love actually is. I love a woman. I watch Z, a “girl that likes girls” and KNOW that what gender she loves doesn’t amount to the tiniest difference. Gender doesn’t matter when it comes to love.

As sappy as it sounds, and yeah, I’ve written this, or something like it before, love is love. Being Pagan doesn’t change the love that one’s faith brings. Being gay doesn’t change the longing of the heart. It is neither a matter of quality or quantity. Nothing that either of them will ever do will make what I have inside my heart and soul worth less. Their paths and ways may be different than mine but, that’s all, just different.

Never let anyone convince you differently. Never believe the lie that says that “different is less”.

*****

Yeah, I’m sure if I read back, I could find a post that’s similar to this one. I suppose that’s a good thing. It means that, for all my confusion and un-confusion, some views have remained fixed. It means that it’s ok to grow and it’s ok to stress out of care. It also means I haven’t changed how I feel or think. I still have my priorities straight. It also means I won’t have to decide who is more important. Rib-eye or Bacon? Bacon or Rib-eye? How ’bout a can of Dr Pepper and both? *grins* *inside joke, Aj and Z’ll get it and they’re the ones that matter* *grins again*

Hey guys, thanks for putting up with me and loving me back…

A Story About a Blog and a Friend, Yeah, It’s a Ramble

I think I’ve followed this train of thought before…or maybe not…

Writing the blog can be a great amount of fun. It allows me to do some things I enjoy. I am able to use the exercise of writing as a way to organize my thoughts and philosophies. It allows me to explore my faith and world view. It allows me to build up and tease Z at the same time. *sometimes, I think the praise embarrasses her* It allows me to try to show her to the World. It is my own “pride parade” since the only way I will march in a real one is if I’m walking with her. *I am prouder of Z than these words will ever express and it’s only in the tiniest bit because she’s not hiding who she is. Her life is worth being proud of*

It can also be something that I hate. There is a constant reminder that strangers hold her life against her. That the reason for the blog is to convince people that she has worth.

I wish…I wish…I wish…

She IS NOT the hateful words people use. Those words and thoughts do not apply. The words that do apply include warm, caring, intelligent, sarcastic, wild, loving, rebellious, sane, witty, athletic, patriotic, short *grins*, cute, brave, and a bunch more…

Truth be told, it takes far more courage for her to allow me to use her as the focal point of this blog than I have. I’m merely the voice.

******

Some good things have come out of this. We’ve become close. I mean, we were friends before a couple of years ago, just not close. Then I started posting some pro-LBGT stuff on Facebook and she kept commenting. I thought “cool, a ‘fellow traveler'” because I thought she was straight. Funny thing, it turns out I was wrong. Who knew? *editorial, for lots of reasons, some outside the context of this, I had NO idea. That and I wasn’t looking for a date since I’m very happily married* Since we started writing, really I write and it’s a we because it is, there has been a huge amount of trust built up. Like has turned to love. Truly, I love Z. *editorial, I NEVER use the word “love” casually. I do not say it or write it by accident or as a way to express “like”. She uses that word, too. In fact, if memory serves, she used it first* *grins* She’s one of my two closest friends that are not my wife. The fact that she trusts me to write for her means more to me than I can say. That I am able to tell her the stuff that I don’t tell anyone else besides Sweety has come from that.

She’s more of a socially outgoing person than I am. I don’t want a bunch of “friends”. I don’t “run around” much. I’m much more of a “work and go home” person. It’s a difference that we have. For me, crowds and noise are just “unfun”.

I have learned from her. She is herself. She makes no bones about it. There is not a speck of pretense in the woman. You don’t like her or what she is? She doesn’t care. In fact, I get more offended by comments made by random people and co-workers than she does. I’m nowhere close to being as self-confident as she is

We talk often…well as often as our schedules permit. We try to have a phone call a day. It doesn’t happen that often but, often enough. It’s nice to have someone that doesn’t want anything from you but, your continued well being. Just a voice on a phone to vent to or ask silly questions or bounce thoughts off of.

*****

I don’t know where the story will end. Within the month, the SCOTUS will rule on the Marriage Equality cases before it. I know what I want and expect to happen. I don’t know if it will. I do know that however that turns out, it won’t be the end of the blog or it’s current topic. Just because the laws will be changed, prejudices and pushback won’t. I expect that the states won’t let it pass without more laws and attempts to repress. *sigh*…and I’ll keep writing…

*****

I don’t know how the current focus of the blog will change. I don’t know what variations it will go through. The exercise of writing is fun. The subject matter, Z, is worth the effort. I’d like it if she would share some of her own words even if I don’t expect that to ever happen.

For now, this post was just a story, a true story. I receive comments like “You are such a fine friend!” and think, “no, I’m not.” I’m just a friend. I’m doing this for Z. It isn’t for praise. It is what I’m SUPPOSED to do. If I’m willing to tell her, in private, that she’s loved, I should do it in public. It is my privilege to be able to write.That’s all…

Thanks, to you, readers. In the grand scheme of things, y’all are important. If you don’t read these, then there’s no point. My views are set. Z is who she is. It is your opinions that matter. It is you we are trying to influence. When you comment and it builds up Z, that matters. When you are encouraged, that matters. When you show approval for my friend, those words are important.

You, all of you, in the 35, i think, countries that have read these, have lives and loves. Those matter, too. That is also the point. This may be a blog about LBGT rights as a specific focus but, it is really about treating ALL humans with the basic respect and dignity we all deserve.

*****

There ya go. For what it’s worth, if you told me two years ago I’d be writing a blog and a story about writing a blog, I wouldn’t have believed you. No way would I have thought that a married guy and a girl that likes girls would have been able to do this. I wish the circumstances were different. “I love me some Z”. She truly is a treasure. She is an inspiration to me. Not only is she my favorite L, she’s my favorite Z. I’m glad she’s the only Z I know. Otherwise, I’d have to decide which is my favorite. *grins*…I still hope she decides to write one of these…and really don’t expect it…

Thanks for coming along with us, so far.

So What?

You’re gay and I’m straight. So what?

You’re a lady and I’m a man. So what?

You are not Christian and I am. So what?

You and I are different. So what?

I’ve been having moments like that, lately. I really don’t care about the differences between us. I’d rather look at the common ground. I am blessed to have friends that share some of the same beliefs and character traits I look at the fact that I can trust my friends to do what’s right…even if we don’t always agree on “right”. Kindness and the capacity for love are also things that a friend must have.

You and I love the same gender. So what?

Bias

*I get stuck on a train of thought and it lingers around. This is kind of one of those.*

I freely admit my bias. I’ve done it in multiple posts. I was contemplating the nature of it.

We all have bias toward or against an issue or a person. I will be the first to tell you that my bias toward marriage equality is because of Z and some other family/friends. I would also be the first to tell you that my bias toward equal protection is because of Z. I don’t think that lessens my desire to see it for everyone. It merely makes my passion stronger.

I don’t think that bias is a bad thing as long as I recognize it for what it is. If I know that an issue is going to bump into it, I can recognize it for what it is and attempt to see through it. I will also admit that my personal bias has caused me to skew my beliefs. If I think that something I used to believe is in conflict with something I support, I am willing to adapt my views to fit my bias.

Sometimes, on the other hand, I see my bias against something and have to see through it to be able to find reason. That, too, is part of the process.

****

I wrote that earlier. I have had time to think about it. When bias gives you a basis to support someone or something, I think it is better than being “anti”. In my mind, it’s what you are willing to stand in favor of that counts. An example is that I have taken a stand in favor of my friend Z and her rights. That stand is one that builds up her. Life, in my mind, is a growth process. Hard to grow when you are constantly tearing down.

All in all, I LIKE my bias. I have embraced a friend and enjoy her friendship. I think that there are far worse things than to support her, even if I don’t do things the way she does. If it means that I judge the world and it’s views through my own subjective views, so be it. Friendship is not always rational. Bias is not always rational. Loving a friend is definitely not rational. So what? I will always be for the ones I love.

I hope this has made sense.

Some Thoughts…

Some thoughts…

I don’t know why Z is such a patriot in a country that treats her like a second class citizen. I admire her for it.

Why do we not tax Z at a lower rate since she doesn’t have access to the same privileges that I do? It seems to me that she should get a discount.

Why do people think that marriage equality threatens their marriage and don’t think the same about Elizabeth Taylor?

I had a gentleman call me “noble” for defending Z. I don’t think of myself that way. I am her friend. That is enough reason for me.

Today is just this collection of thoughts. If you guys have any others, please share them with me.