marriage equality

It’s Kind of a Year End Post

June 26, 2015… Writing about Pagans and maybe making some tiny bit of sense and reaching out to them…Saying nice stuff about Aj, Kelly, and Z…Fewer posts but, better writing…Those were the blog’s highlights.

Having to do research and finding out that unreasoned hate will never die…That will always be the hardest part.

These were my favorite posts…Which One is Pagan? Please Do Me a Favor You Are Not Damaged, You Are Loved There Is Nothing About This I Want to Write  What the Hell Was He Thinking I Was an Addict So, Don’t Praise Me*note, some of these were NOT FUN to write* There are probably more but, I’m too lazy to look them up. *grins*

You will see a common thread. I write for and about women unless it is specifically about me. The reason is simple, my closest friends are women. I trust them. I married a woman. When I need advice about a post, that’s who I go to. When I need advice about my marriage, why go a man? When I need the truth without someone going all Testosterone Bubba, I go to a woman. My marriage isn’t threatened by them because I am faithful, I swore an oath. So, given that, I write for people I know and love.

I don’t know what the new year will bring. I just wanted to write a year end post. Thanks to Aj, Kelly, and Z for your love and trust. Thanks to the other ladies that made “guest appearances”. Thanks to y’all for reading this.


What Are You For?

There’s a scene in “Bull Durham” where Crash tells Annie what he believes in. It’s a great scene because it shows not what he’s against but, what he’s for…

We seem to be stuck with the idea that we have a right to be offended by everything and everyone. We think that, because we are offended, everyone must not give us offense and have to stop. Allow me to disagree. Yeah, you or I may be all the offended we want to be. I’ll give you that. Where we disagree is when we say that someone has to stop offending us…

It’s easy to be offended. It’s comfortable to feel like a victim. It doesn’t take any effort at all to say that someone has wronged me. No introspection. No questions. Not really any thought at all. It’s just “poor poor me…”

We can make lists all day long of what offends us…Christians, Pagans, atheists, straights, gays, Liberals, Conservatives, Libertarians…somehow or someway we can take offense at all of them…Southerners, Northerners, Texans, Californians…pick one…pick a bunch…

So, here’s a challenge. What are you for?

I’ll start…

I’m for my wife, peace in my house, hugs and kisses, holding hands, stray dogs, Aj Z Kelladillo and the family, rare beef, remembering ALL of our history the good and bad, honest politicians, naps, snacks, quiet days off, Spring and Fall, telling the truth, loyalty toward friends, honor, treating everyone with dignity, giving people room to be themselves, marriage being between two people that love each other, fishing, air conditioning, comfort over style…the list is endless.

Being for stuff means, to me, living with gratitude and not anger. It means setting aside jealousy and envy. It means I’ve decided not to invite stress into my world. *editorial, sometimes I do invite it in. Sigh*

My list isn’t really all inclusive. It was just a start. I could, and sometimes do, go on all day. I do have a question, though…What are you for?

I Suppose It’s Not Over…

A little over a month ago, I thought I was done writing this blog. I naively assumed that all would be right and that, by some miracle, prejudice would go away as soon as the SCOTUS made Marriage Equality the law. I figured that people would just realize that it was time to go on with their lives and find some other way to feel victimized. I was wrong.


So, what happened? It seems that the people that were silently “anti” decided to speak. The churches, not every church, that specialize in castigating others felt a need to become more vocal. The politicians that need to pander to a part of their constituency that need to feel like victims protested. That state level politicians found it necessary to try to work around the Obergfell ruling. That individuals that need to fear continued with the slippery slope arguments.

So, no, I don’t get to stop. Gonna try it again…

One of the most basic of human needs is to feel safe. One of the ways we feel that is by touching an other human. Both on a physical and emotional level we need contact. We are not designed to be alone. We need an outlet and a companion. To deny that is to deny the most basic of human rights.

It is the same basic desire and need, physical and emotional contact. The gender doesn’t matter. The need for contact does. Physical touch is important. Some mental outlet and conversation keeps us sane. Companionship gives us a sense of safety.

I love my wife. We hug a lot. If I pass her end of the couch, I kiss her hand and give it a caress. Listening to her sleep keeps my nightmares at bay. I NEED my wife as much as I need air, water, food, or shelter. Why would I want to deny anyone the same thing. Again, the gender is immaterial. The contact is the important part.

Miller, “my Bible says it’s an abomination”. The Bible says 60 odd things are “abomination”…

Miller, “St Paul said…” He said a bunch of things. Among them, “You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself”

Jesus said,  “‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” For me, from the perspective of my faith, the words of Jesus are the trump. If there appears to be a conflict between passages, Jesus wins. Period. 


So lets veer. Suppose that my arguments have not swayed you.

What would you have someone that is LBGT do? Would you have them live without contact?  Be celibate to fit your notions?  Would you have them pretend to be straight and live a lie? Expecting them to make the best of a situation that is physically and emotionally wrong for them? To live a relationship that holds no security?

The former is cruel. Prisoners in solitary go insane. We NEED contact. There are a rare few humans that can live as hermits. There are some that can live in society as individuals without a partner. Those are not the usual human condition.

The latter is a lie. That’s worse. I’d rather have a friend that lives the truth than a friend that lives a life that is a lie, pretending to fit in. I know people that have lived trying to fit in…and finally stopped. I have huge respect for the courage that took, knowing how hard it was going to be for them to finally tell people. Then the relief to them knowing that the lies have stopped.

I am an odd individual. I am not the right partner for everyone. I have no illusions on that point. Of course, everyone is the right person for the right person. My Sweety is a good fit…for me and, probably, no one else. To tell someone that they should deny themselves the chance to find their “right person” because they do not fit our notion of what is “right” is wrong. Period.

For Z or Kelly, the “right person” is a woman. So what? How does that affect anyone else? What great societal change happens when the “right woman” for a woman is a woman? It doesn’t change their ability as a parent. It doesn’t commit a crime. All it does is make some people uncomfortable…and? There’s no right to be protected from “I don’t want to see that”. Sorry, your discomfort with someone else’s relationship is not a valid reason for them to change.


I get it. I really do. In my youth, I was taught that being gay was all the different wrongs I listed. I used all the rude phrases and slurs. I was insulting and rude. I believed that I held the moral high ground. I believed that being gay was a choice and a lifestyle. I was WRONG.

In my 50’s I’m a different person. My attitude towards other’s lives has changed. I realize that it is not my place to dictate to adults how they live their lives. I’ve come to learn that there are good people…and bad that are LBGT. Just like being straight gives no lock on morality.

I’ve thought and pondered and mused and decided that the only difference between being gay and straight is the act of intercourse. That the needs for contact and security are the same.

Yes, I freely admit that some Christians will say I can not be because I refuse to consign someone to Hell or question their faith because they are gay. So be it. The first person I go to for Christian Prayer is Z. She is a Christian. She says she is and I believe her. She prays for me and I for her. She is also a Lesbian. I do not believe that God is going to send her to Hell. If that makes someone think I’m a Heretic, I’ll gladly wear that title. In fact, that is how I describe my faith, Heretic Christian.


My bias is shaped by the people I know. Without trying to say, “look at how proud I am of myself because my friends are diverse”, I have a group of friends that do not fit the notions of “correct” that I was raised with. Some are gay. Some are Pagan. Some are gay and Pagan. So what? The point is that morality is not the exclusive province of middle-class, straight, white, Christians. Z is a Christian…and a Patriot…and a Lesbian…and one of the finest humans I know. Kelly is a Pagan…and a Patriot…and a Lesbian…and also one of the finest humans I know.

Those Ladies have shaped my bias. They are not the only ones but, here, in this context, they are ones that count. Parts of their lives conform to what I used to think a human should be. Others don’t. I admit, again, I used to dehumanize people that were gay. To my benefit, I no longer do. If I did, they would not be in my life. That would be my loss, not theirs.

The qualities of their character and their outspoken willingness to be themselves no matter what anyone else thinks. Their willingness to be examples here by giving me permission to talk about them. Their independence and ability to not judge ME based on what demographic I fit or my past.  Their loyalty and compassion. Those qualities have worth.

For me, Z was the final straw. She accepts me. She once told me, “I love you, MDIII, warts and all”. Why then should I be any different toward her? Z and Kelly are complete human beings. Their wants desires and needs are no different than mine or yours. Their humanity is no greater…or less than my own. To deny them the safety and comfort of the love that fits them, to denigrate them because that love does not fit our own comfort, does not make them less, it diminishes us.

It becomes a matter of us. Do we think that we are greater or have more worth because we are unwilling to admit that our path is not everyone’s path? That we, as fallible humans, have a lock on correctness and righteousness? The Bible says “there is none righteous, not even one”.

That’s what it ends at. We have to figure out a way to accept “different” because EVERY HUMAN is different. We have to learn that, unless we are willing to deny our own, we have to admit the humanity and dignity of all the humans. Sure, this is an attempt to persuade people to see Z and Kelly and the LBGT Community as human and having intrinsic worth. It is also, on a broader scope, an attempt to open our eyes to the idea that we are ALL human. We have to learn that lesson. We have no choice.

I Gotta Quit Reading the News

Gack…I’ve been reading the news again. It seems that some people just don’t listen to reason…or read it.

Because I’m a firm believer in “due diligence” I ask Z stuff. Sometimes it leads to an odd set of questions. Luckily for me, she’s patient and understands the reasons I ask. It’s not to be embarrassing. It’s to be able to say, here, “I asked”. For what it’s worth, the questions are NEVER about sex or stuff that’s none of my business.


So…to all the “slippery slope” True believers, the only slippery slope is the one you tripped on. No, the LBGT Community doesn’t want to make everyone gay. They need straight people. That’s where gay people come from. I mean, seriously, who do you think has kids?

No, they don’t want to close your churches. Some are even *gasp* Christians. Z is. She’s the first person I go to for prayer.

No, being gay doesn’t make you a pedophile and more than being straight makes you a rapist. The word you’re looking for is “sociopath”.

How many more? I’ll keep asking but, I’m getting tired of the foolishness of the questions.

Nope, bestiality is repugnant to most of them, just like it is to most of us.

Nope, it’s not about promiscuity…or sex in the street. It’s about wanting to love and be loved.


The bottom line is, being gay and being straight are the same except for the gender attraction. That’s it. Same hopes and dreams. Same desire to live and let live. Same self-respect. Same thing…except that you don’t see the LBGT Community protesting the Straight Rights Movement. Doh.

Lordy Mercy the news wears me out. Yeah, some jerks and weird people are gay. Some jerks and weird people are straight, too. You do read the news, right? There are more straight wackos because there are more of us.

Ya know, given a choice, and I have one, I’ll pick Z’s team. I mean, her personal team. It isn’t because she’s gay. It’s because of the person she is. I write for her because she deserves a voice. It just seems the place she needs a voice is that one part that people can not seem to get past. If she were to write about it, it would just be one more author to be ignored because she’d be writing for herself. I, on the other hand, fit every demographic that her’s is allegedly persecuting. So, the only reason I have to write FOR her is because she earned it.

Think about that, if I thought she were out to get me, why would I write? If she was anti straight, white, Christian male, what reason would there be for me to attempt to protect her? Wouldn’t it make more sense for me to be an “anti”? The danger is not to me from her. The danger to her is the pushback from my demographic to her’s.

Reason needs to break out. It isn’t that hard. Our lives are difficult enough without fabricating unfounded fears. We have enough stress. There are enough aches and pains without inventing more. I do care about Z’s life. She’s family and friend and loved one and prayer partner. *editorial, Yeah, I just implied that I have no use for unneeded stress and then implied, again, that I worry for her. See the bit about how she fits my world, that’s why.*

What I don’t get is why people that have no reason to care take on stress. Why?

If your marriage is so weak that it can not handle what happens in someone else’s, that’s you, not them.

If your faith is so in doubt that you must defend it to the detriment of others, that’s you. My faith is strong enough that it won’t be shaken by the beliefs or actions of another.

There are a bunch of things that are legitimate worries. It’s just that Z isn’t one. Worrying that individuals have won the right to be treated as individuals is a silly thing to be worried about…


I gotta quit reading the news. It wears me out. I suppose I shouldn’t care what strangers think about Z. I suppose, by my standard, I’m being hypocritical. Eventually, the “new” will wear off of Obergfell and the furor will die down. For now, though, it hasn’t. For now, there’s still a need for a voice to try to calm the fears of people like me…if I were afraid of Z. Someday, perhaps, maybe, I will be able to quit being her voice, if for no other reason than apathy will have won and a different issue will become a focus…

Yeah, I gotta quit reading the news…*wanders off to say Hi to Z*


I Was an Addict, So Don’t Praise Me…

I love being married. I suppose I appreciate it more because I never expected it. I was long past the point where I ever expected to find someone that would want to marry me. I always thought I was “damaged goods”…

It’s funny, very much NOT ha ha, that people fight against who they are. We believe that we are trapped in a place and unable to bend or change. I was convinced I’d go to my grave an addict. I hated myself and decided God had abandoned me so, I’d abandon him. I had a warped view that allowed Hell to exist and not Heaven. I could pin down a locality for Hell, just look inside my clothes. It was wandering around in there…

I do not equate what I went through with what some friends did. I struggled against my own perception of who I was. I fought against a view that I was trapped in a pattern of MY OWN making. It is truly not the same as knowing who you are and being told by “society” that you can not be that. Addicts are islands. We remove ourselves from the world. We live in isolation out of shame and self-loathing that WE OURSELVES have created. We think the lies we tell ourselves about ourselves are the truth. We justify a continued series of criminal acts with “I can’t help myself…” We fool ourselves into thoughts that no one knows when everyone does. When we finally realize we aren’t trapped and do change, hopefully before it’s too late, we are praised…

Honestly, I don’t think that praise is earned. Why should I be praised for not slowly killing myself and poisoning everyone around me with my toxicity? What kudos for not being a criminal have I earned? If you want to praise me for doing a good job at work, fine. If I do a good job at cooking a meal and you enjoyed it, I’ll take that. Just DO NOT tell me how great I am for being an ex-addict. I shouldn’t have been one to begin with, I knew better. I am a nice guy. I am a loyal friend. I do my d**nedest to be a good husband. Those, too, do not deserve praise, they’re what I’m supposed to do…

Society also forces roles. It tells a fraction of the population that they have to be what the other 90 odd percent think they should be. Sometimes people become trapped in that spot, too. They try to conform and be what’s expected of them. Sometimes, they break free. I have a few friends that did that. I am prouder of them than I am of myself. I fought me. They fought everyone and themselves and they won. I didn’t know them when they were someone else, I only know them as the persons they are now. I love those people. That they don’t judge me based on who I was is a gift I gladly take. That they don’t hold against me that I spent more time as a criminal, yeah addicts are criminals and ex-addicts aren’t, than I haven’t is a blessing that I am grateful for.

Why do we think it’s our “right” to judge? *Yeah, skip the “criminal” part of what comes next. We can agree that crimes need and deserve to be prosecuted.* Why do we think we should be able to tell someone “you have to be what I want you to be?” Our individual lives are the only things that we will ever own, as fleeting as they may be. Possessions may be lost or stolen. Why then do we think we have a reason to steal someone’s “self” as if we own them? What reason to impose our view of what context for some life that is not our own. What reason to demean or degrade a human that has not earned our scorn?

I get that people do not understand any other human. I barely understand myself. I get that people want to think that some things are “choice” and are not. I get that we tend to impose what we think on someone without having the tiniest clue if it’s actually the truth. We assume that some people have the ability to change…not realizing they did. They changed from living a lie to living the truth. We tell them that their truth is of no value or “against my religion” as an excuse to deny them the right to be themselves *sigh* while demanding the recognize our same self-demanded rights…

I may be any number of things. What I am not is someone else. Who I happen to love is my wife. She’s the center of my world. No one ever told me I couldn’t marry her. No one ever told me that my love for her was worthless. Who someone decides they want to spend their life with is not for another human to judge except for the person they offer their love to. It is SOLELY for that person to accept or reject. It is a gift that is the greatest offering one human can give another. So, why then, do some persons think it’s their right to judge that? What possible personal reason to impose a third view where only two are important?

Does any of this make sense?

Agree or disagree with Obergefell or not. It no longer matters. What’s left is looking inside ourselves and finding a way…We, individuals, may celebrate a victory for our friends. Some of you may call it a defeat for morality. Either way, it is the law. It doesn’t matter what our, outsider, views are. How someone else views a relationship is no longer a reason to disallow it. What finally matters is what the individuals inside of it think.


Like I said up there, I am proud of my friends. I survived me. They survived everyone else. Letting them live their lives with the same peace and lack of judgment that I’m given is not too much to ask. So, please, look at the individuals and base your view on their individual lives and not some preconceived notion? Please, they’ve earned that much…What we should be doing is rejoicing with them that they’ve found love in the first place.


My Shrimp Recipe…

Okie dokie, so, I have an odd hobby. It’s “doing nice things for loved ones”. Now that Marriage Equality is the law, I’m kind of at a loss. You see, one of the best parts of the last year and a half has been writing for Z. You see, I seem to love her to bits and now, I have to find a different way to say it. For what it’s worth, it feels good to be nice to people you care about. I’m glad the blog is no longer needed. I really am. I just don’t know where to go next. Being a part of a team with someone i admire has been great. Now, I gotta get creative with the things I can do. She lives a real thousand miles away, cooking dinner and inviting her over is out. *grins* What next? *editorial, I’m not sure when I’ll be able to think of her and not have an “I’m so happy for you” moment as soon as she comes to mind. I’m calm but, the June 26 Ruling is a great thing and will be for a bunch of years*


I said to a follower I’d post a “cupcake” recipe when the ruling was done. I don’t bake so, here’s how I cook shrimp…

Get a couple or three lbs of shrimp. Peel them. In a skillet, put some, about a stick, butter cubes. Slice 3 lemons thin and layer them on. Add a big amount of minced garlic, ’bout a tablespoon. Layer the shrimp on next. Sprinkle the shrimps with some dried parsley. I use a couple or four tablespoons. Pour around a cup of white wine over it all. Heat on the stove top untill it foams all over the shrimp. Turn it off, cover, and leave on the warm burner for 10ish minutes. Serve it as a sammich, or over pasta or in a bowl with bread for the “dippy juice”.

There ya go, a recipe to celebrate. *grins*


Anyway, Z, if you read this, it has been about you. I’m looking for the next reason to say nice things. I’m really calm. I promise not to engage the trolls. The furor will die down and normal…as normal as things ever get…will happen.

Oh yeah, one other thing. I wanted an excuse to share the image. *grins* Thanks to Shane Turner Art for letting me use it.

A Very Long Way to Get to “I Love You”

I was reading a year old post. It seems that some things haven’t changed. I mean, the things that bounce around in my head don’t…

A year ago I wrote, “She is going to be my priority when I write.” about Z. The only difference is that now I write, “I’m doing this for Z.”

A year ago I wrote, “I worry that by reminding Z that the “haters” exist and that, … it brings her down.” I still do.

A year ago I wrote, “This blog would not exist without Z. She deserves credit. She earned it. So, if you happen to read these, think about Z. These might be my words but, they wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her.” *grins*  Yesterday, “For what it’s worth, if it weren’t for Z coming out to me, I’d have never written the blog. I might have done a few posts around the subject but, not this many and not this much effort.” Go figure…


I’ve never hid that I’m an ex-addict. That comes with some baggage. Some of that is that, even though I’m 9 years and change clean, I wasn’t from my mid-teens through early forties. That means I am having to learn some emotional lessons that I should have learned in my teens and early twenties. For example, I need to have some idea where relationships stand.

For example, I need to have some idea where relationships stand. To digress…you, Readers, know about Z. Well, when I started, this was also about Religious Freedom. The reason being that Aj, my “best friend that is not my wife”, is Pagan. The main focuses were to be LBGT Rights for Z, Religious Freedom for Aj, and a few side trips into stuff about me. It became more focussed on Z because Marriage Equality is coming to a head… So, just because it morphed into a blog about Z, it didn’t take away from Aj. Tracking so far?

Here’s the confusion and my “baggage”…In my confused and scrambled up brain, I have to try to keep people in their boxes and order. I mean, wife first, (fill in the blank) second, (fill in the blank) third, etc. Still along with me? So, with Aj in second, where did Z fit? I mean, I’ve been writing about her, thousands of words and a couple hundred posts, for over a year. That and we talk almost every day. I say her name to God every time I go to sleep. That’s a huge amount of emotional energy. I am learning emotional stuff as I go, right? So, my tiny brain was getting rattled and stressed because of that desire to prioritize. Baggage, right? I didn’t want to hurt Aj’s feelings by saying I love Z, too. Didn’t want to hurt Z by saying she’s less than Aj.  That’s the lesson. I can love someone. I can love an other someone. I love my wife. *editorial, MY WIFE is and will always be FIRST. She’s the only romantic love in my life and the only one I desire. Forever. Period.*…

Anyway, I learned, yesterday, to my great relief, after much agony and confusion and stress, that I didn’t have to take away from either Aj or Z. They can be tied. I can love Bacon and Rib-eye at the same time, even if they’re very different. *grins* To digress…again…to me, because of the baggage, food is security. Having enough to eat was not always something that occurred in my past. Thus the analogy…So, I don’t have to make someone I love second to someone else I love. Funny thing is, I told them and they were Aj, “Why would you ever have to choose?” and Z, “I told him the same thing yesterday,Aj. He doesn’t have to pick. Feels like how I feel about my kids. I love them all. I have no favorite.” Did I say I’m a bit dense? The best part is they know and love each other. *editorial, I really really stress hurting the feelings of the three women in this section*

*deep breath* I am un-stressed. Is that a word? Poor Z took the brunt of my confusion and over-thinking. I’d agonize and ramble at her trying to figure out where she was supposed to be. I’d try to talk around and work it through. I’d question MY motivation and who I wanted her to be and what place she belonged in. Ugh for her. I’d have smacked me. At least Aj didn’t have to put up with the nonsense, read bulls**t, that I subjected Z to. Lucky her. *grins* Sorry, Z.

I’m sure, very positively sure, there’s more crap buried in my skull that’ll come out in time. More years un-sober than sober leaves a big pile of manure to shovel out…


That last part is a good lead in to this…

This blog has been a year and a half long “love letter”. It has been about my love of my wife. It has been about how it’s possible to un-romantically love other people. It has been about my love of my faith and how it is possible for someone else’s love of their faith to strengthen mine. I’ve become a better Christian by knowing and loving a Pagan, Aj. It has been about how what society thinks of love has no effect on what love actually is. I love a woman. I watch Z, a “girl that likes girls” and KNOW that what gender she loves doesn’t amount to the tiniest difference. Gender doesn’t matter when it comes to love.

As sappy as it sounds, and yeah, I’ve written this, or something like it before, love is love. Being Pagan doesn’t change the love that one’s faith brings. Being gay doesn’t change the longing of the heart. It is neither a matter of quality or quantity. Nothing that either of them will ever do will make what I have inside my heart and soul worth less. Their paths and ways may be different than mine but, that’s all, just different.

Never let anyone convince you differently. Never believe the lie that says that “different is less”.


Yeah, I’m sure if I read back, I could find a post that’s similar to this one. I suppose that’s a good thing. It means that, for all my confusion and un-confusion, some views have remained fixed. It means that it’s ok to grow and it’s ok to stress out of care. It also means I haven’t changed how I feel or think. I still have my priorities straight. It also means I won’t have to decide who is more important. Rib-eye or Bacon? Bacon or Rib-eye? How ’bout a can of Dr Pepper and both? *grins* *inside joke, Aj and Z’ll get it and they’re the ones that matter* *grins again*

Hey guys, thanks for putting up with me and loving me back…

I Have No Clue How to Title This One…

This is the week, we hope, that the SCOTUS rules in favor of Marriage Equality. While we’re waiting, I’m trying to figure out what to write…

I’ve said all I can think of *editorial, I probably haven’t but…* to convince anyone that will listen that there is no more to fear from making Equal Rights equal…


I had a long conversation with someone the other day that was convinced that his “religious freedom” would be compromised by Marriage Equality. I tried and tried to convince him, politely because I like the guy, that he was not correct. As much as I respect his views on every other topic, we’re not going to see it the same way. Perhaps because, as a Christian, I don’t feel infringed on by the actions or lives of others. My best friend that isn’t Z, is Pagan. She is not a threat to my faith. If Z were ever find a girl she wanted to marry, that wouldn’t be a threat either. My freedoms are not infringed on because of the freedoms of an other person. The free practice of my faith isn’t damaged by ANYONE else. I am secure in my beliefs. Nothing any person outside of me is capable of doing may shake them. Nothing will stop me from praying as I see fit. *sigh* I don’t suppose he and I will ever see eye to eye…


I read the last and need to add this. My marriage is stronger because of Z. My views on Marriage Equality give me reasons to think about how I can be a good partner to my wife. Having Z as a person to talk to helps me in my life. That a group has to fight to gain a right I take for granted and that one of my marriage’s biggest supporters is being denied the same rights just p**es me right the f**k off. Pardon my French…


One of the things I call a “hobby is “doing nice things for…” One of the reasons this blog exists is because Z in one of those “for…” people. *editorial, she’s one of 3 that fit in the “for…” spot* I had a lady tell me today, “Friendship is at its best when it is from both sides coming together in the middle. Otherwise, it is just one person enabling the other.” She is correct. Since Z prays for me and calms me down when I’m mad and gives me a person to dump stress on and makes me laugh, this seems like a fair return. Since she says there’s no obligation, it’s my own free will. Since I don’t do ANYTHING outside of work I don’t want to do, I’d agree…

It misses the point, though. I want to write for her. I love the Lady to pieces. I enjoy the feeling I get when I am able to find words that build her up. I like that it’s a “we” effort, even if she doesn’t proofread or screen what I write. Being part of a team feels good. That she’s the teammate that chose me, it feels better. I mean, do you have someone that, every time you think about them, you smile and feel a sense of belonging? Writing this means that one of the handful that I feel that way about is at the front of my mind. I think about what I’m going to write before I do. I write it. I start thinking about the next one. Lots of chances to smile and feel “warm fuzzies” *grins*


For what it’s worth, if it weren’t for Z coming out to me, I’d have never written the blog. I might have done a few posts around the subject but, not this many and not this much effort. This is the point *I’ve made it before*, having someone you love as a motivation is the best motivation. If it wasn’t for that, we wouldn’t be here. To have a desire to motivate strangers to change the world for other strangers, altruism is not enough. It HAS to be personal. I’m just not that nice. The cynical part of me says no one is.

If you have the skill and desire to help a friend, do. For me, this is a way.

If you want your world changed, reach out. She didn’t ask me to do these. She does give me support. She encourages. Yes, for all that she’s real and listed in my phone as Z, there are parts of her life that are “out of bounds”. There are pieces I will never tell, not to any other human. That doesn’t lessen the reality of her. If it is safe, let someone know. *editorial, she knew I was an ally and we were friends for a few years before she told me. It just wasn’t germane ’till she did*

Even though the specifics of this blog are LBGT Rights, doesn’t have to mean that you’re gay. There are other reasons to try to change the way things are. There are other ways that society covers it’s eyes and ignores issues.

I’ve said it time and again, I have bias. I write because I can write for her. I continue to try to persuade because of one person. If I had it to do over, I’d still be writing the blog. The only change would have been to start sooner. I don’t think she and I would be as close if it weren’t for this. If for no other reason, that has made a big difference in my life. I’m self-centered. I love having her as an important part of my world. I’m glad I can do something in return.


I don’t know if any of this made sense. It did to me. I hope it helps…

I Told Z to Kiss a Girl

It’s a funny thing. Considering the topic of the majority of my blog posts, I’m a bit of a prude… Having said that, I told Z to kiss a girl, then I told her to kiss two different girls. Honestly, I hope she only kisses one more…and does it again and again forever. If I knew the right one for her, I’d introduce them and smile. I suspect that some of my friends and family do not approve of me telling her that. I don’t care

You see, it really is that simple. If Z wants to play with boobies, good for her. If she wants to kiss every girl she meets till she finds the one that gives her a reason to stop looking, that’s cool. Who cares that she’s a girl and so are they? What business of ours is it what goes on in her bedroom? For that matter, what business is it of anyone’s what goes on in any set of adults bedrooms? Who are we to judge what constitutes a committed or casual relationship? Who are we to say that one relationship is valid and another isn’t?

The US Supreme Court has heard the arguments. They will make a ruling in June. They will decide if the government has the right to deem who is able to be married. They will decide if a couple has the same rights to all the protections and responsibilities of marriage that other couples have.

How complicated can it be? If Z falls in love and wants to get married, power to her. Her marriage will not make mine invalid. Her being in love will not make me fall out of love with my wife. The effect of her falling in love and getting married will, to me, be to give me a reason to be happy for a friend. The effect, to the world, will be that some girls missed out on a Great Lady. That’s it…oh yeah, it will piss some homophobic a$$holes off and that’s just a bonus.