Shopping for a Best Friend

A funny thing happened, I was talking to the young lady that works at the desk that is next to mine. I mentioned that Aj had gone “protective” of me and how it made me smile. Nansy commented that I wasn’t used to having a female best friend. After 5 years of “officially” being best friends, I realized that I really am not. She never ceases to amaze me but, I decided to do something…

I went “shopping” for a new best friend. I googled it. I found articles telling me I should expect to spend more than 200 hours getting to know someone. I found out I’m supposed to “make the first move”. I found out that there are sites for hired friends by the hour. I wandered down my memories looking in my past. I looked on Twitter. I even looked on Facebook. I went to People Magazine to see if any celebs were available. Checked out eBay to see if I could find one at a discount. I pulled up Craigslist to see what might be there.

I mean, if I’m going to find a new best friend, I gotta explore all my options. What was I looking for? Male or female? Young or old or middle-aged? Short or tall? Quiet or outspoken? Bluntly honest or tactfully willing to tell a white lie? New or used? Same faith or different? *That’s a BIG question because I’ve been through that once before…* Local or distant?  There are a lot of things to be pondered?

Looking for a best friend is hard…

So, I quit looking. I’ve put quite a bit of time and effort into the one I have. I enjoy putting effort into it. I count the energy spent as gain. The time I’ve spent adapting myself to fit her into a set of beliefs that would have excluded her has been gain. Besides that, I really don’t have any choice. I didn’t “pick” her, she picked me. I could have turned her away but, I am not quite that stupid…

We bought an 80-year-old house. It is a work-in-progress and will be for many years to come. Friendship with Aj is the same way. I am comfortable with it but, I keep finding things that I need to fix in me to be a better home for her to live in…sort of like my marriage. I want to be the very best at it that I am able…again, like being a husband. Those two women, Aj and Sweety, have decided that I am worth being loved and protected by them so, in return, I feel like I should do the same.

So, yeah, I went shopping. Considered the options. I’ve decided on a Used, Pagan, Middle-aged, short, bluntly outspoken female. It was really one of the easiest decisions I’ve ever made.


Vegan Recipes or, Cooking Aj

I decided to do something that y’all never expected to see in this blog, I’m writing about the Vegan recipe options that I know…*grins* not really. I just wanted a starting point and decided to veer a bit. If you came here looking for Vegan recipes, I apologize. There aren’t any. Sorry for the bait and switch. I’m really just teasing all four people that read this. What you really get are some questions and answers to follow up on the one I wrote yesterday Perspectives,,, It’s going to be an odd format because no one really even asks questions. I invite y’all to but, people don’t cooperate. *grins*

What are some things that you’ve learned about Witches since one decided you needed one in your life?
Well, Witches have their own language. When I say “grounded”, I mean like an electrical circuit. They mean a similar thing but, they use their feet and the energy flow is both ways. I think of earth as that thing you stand on, for them it’s different.
They have also ruined popular fiction for me. Witches are NOTHING like fiction makes them out to be. That whole “Harry Potter” thing, nope.
What else? Witches let people be themselves. They come in so many “flavors”, for lack of a better word, that there’s room for almost any variation of beliefs and different types of humans in their worlds that they just like you for who you are…at least the ones I know are that way. Interestingly, they accept me and my beliefs as valid.

How has your life changed since you became Best Friends with a Witch and has it carried over into other areas? As a follow-up, if you had it to do all over, would you want a Witch in your life?
Well, let’s take them out of order. I want my Best Friend in my life. That she is a Witch is an odd sort of bonus. The reason I say that is because I have the added option covering all the bases when I need “prayer”. Yes, that is Heresy. I get it but, if she recognizes my beliefs it seems fair that I recognize her’s, too. She also gives me a bunch of stuff to occupy my mind. I get mentally bored very easily so, having stuff to roll around and ponder let’s my mind stay occupied. All of that is fine but, like I said, I want Aj in my life, if she weren’t a Witch, I would still want her here.
Changes are a more interesting area. I am a better Christian, minor bits of Heresy aside, because I have had to focus more on the words that Jesus actually said and concentrate on those concepts. You know, kindness, self-sacrifice, being open to people, looking to my own soul…those kinds of things that Jesus talked about.
Other changes? I am far more open to new ideas and concepts. I am not the dogmatic twerp I used to be. I may decide that I still don’t agree with the validity of something but, I will look at it and not reject it out of hand.
I have learned to not be concerned that people aren’t “just like me”. An example is if someone tells me they’re a Witch my response has gone from “a what?” to “cool, my Best Friend is, too”. Gay? Yeah, not an issue. *grins* I still don’t quite understand Atheists but, whatever floats your boat. The point is that by not being worried about “what” someone is, I have room to get to know “who” they are.

Next question, does writing this make you some kind of SJW?
*laugh* Not hardly. I am not “political”. I don’t care about party politics. I won’t say that I don’t care about most social issues but, there are enough groups and authors for or against them that my words would just add to the noise. I write these for a few reasons. First, because I have a very strong urge for one person to be accepted for just who she is. I figure that if I have a chance to help y’all see that one person then you might see the rest of them. If you see the rest of them and it means that she’s cut some slack, it makes her life easier. It’s circular logic but, it’s what I have.
Related to that is that I want to do nice things for my friend. I am able to cook and help my wife to show her with my actions and time that she is loved. Aj lives far away so, this is what I can do.
Also, most of the time, it’s fun to write. I adore the Lady I write about and so, it gives me a chance to say that. Let me ask you this when you say “I love you” to someone that you’re not romantically in love with but, love them all the same, do you enjoy that? Does it make you smile? This is the same. I’ll give it this, there are a few that hurt to write but, that’s ok, too.

You titled this “Cooking Aj”, why?
Well…I’m not quite sure. I had a sort of an idea and it wandered out of my head. I got sidetracked. Some of it is a play on words, I was remembering a post I wrote some time ago. Look that one up but, I won’t link it. Some of it is to tease her because it’s hard to burn Water. Some of it is because she LOVES the heat. Some of it was to get your attention.

Are there any other thoughts that you’d like for us to know?
Yeah, a few. Among them, I’ve learned that you can’t judge someone by their tats or height or place of birth. If I took those external circumstances and add multi-colored hair I’d get to “why would I be friends with her” but, I’ve learned. Interestingly enough I even decided that tats are cool on a woman. Yankee women make great friends. “Short” is a good height for a person to be…and that I really like her new hair colors. Of course, all of this is VERY subjective.
I’ve also become grateful. I used to take people for granted. Because I was chosen by her, I don’t. If she “picked” me, she could send me back to the shelter where she found me. That’s a joke. She won’t. We have a deal. As long as I don’t kick her off to the side, she’s stuck with me. I am grateful for the reassurance that comes with that because I would no more push her away than I’d push my wife away. No more Disposable People in my life is a good thing. Not having to be insecure about “what if they really don’t like me” means that I may allow myself to be myself around her and not worry.
I’ve also learned that I do not think “unconditional love” exists. I do have conditions. I have expectations. I don’t necessarily think that you have to care about everyone. I don’t think that everyone is likable. I think the reverse is true. Not everyone is going to think I’m the greatest thing since street tacos, either…and all of those things are fine. Having said all of that, once you do decide that someone meets the “terms and conditions” that you’ve applied, you don’t ever take it back. You knew what you were getting into. You knew that they were human and had faults. I mean, Aj is a…well…she would say…a bitch sometimes but, to me that endears her because I may not want to offend her but, she’s mine. I asked her if I could use that word. This is what she says is why “I’m a bitch when you deserve it. It’s self-defense. It’s not to keep people away it’s to keep people from walking on me or mistreating me or that which is important to me”
If I could change any one thing about her, I’d move where she is closer to where I am but, neither her family nor mine are going to move so that won’t happen.
Oh yeah…the oddest thing about her is that she doesn’t like bacon.

Well…I started this early. Had coffee. Cooked for my wife. Had some thoughts. Lost some thoughts. Got to spend time thinking and writing. This didn’t end where I thought it would end but, it’s what I got.




Take a Breath

I have a plan…

I’m going to take words out of context. I’m going to dictate to everyone how they must believe. I’m going to say that My Way is the Only Way. I’m going to say that my view of the afterlife is the only correct one. I’m going to scream, metaphorically, that my worldview is the only legitimate one and that every other human on the planet is wrong because they aren’t me…

I’m going to be sad and depressed because I’ve completely isolated myself and the only thing I know how to do is lash out. I’m going to forget that I am imperfect and not realize that I am unable to live up to my own view of myself…I am NEVER going to be at peace.


I’m going to forgive my own failings. I’m NOT going to lash-out to disguise that I fall short. I am going to embrace people that see the World with different eyes. I’m going to breathe and relax…