S**t I Really Didn’t Want to Know or HAVE to Say

This is a screenshot from the conversation that prompted yesterday’s rant. The sadly odd thing is that the Lady that sent these to me was concerned enough for MY sensibilities that she edited “I won’t send where he’s talking about me peeling a banana with my mouth……I’ll keep it clean.”…

Screenshot (8)

She edited it heavily. Apparently, this is tame…I have been living in a bubble. I had no clue that this s**t was so common. I asked on my Facebook page. Here are some of the responses…

“Say you’re gay and suddenly you’re the spawn of Satan. Fucking bitch, cunt, I wouldn’t let you suck my dog’s dick”…and yeah, she’s gay…in fact that was Z and if y’all have read this blog you know that I adore her.

“I quit working in one location with a security guard kept pressuring me to date him.”

“I would start out saying I was married and working and the persistent ones would say that they weren’t concerned about all that and could we just get together?”

” men don’t care if I’m single or not because they are not looking for a relationship if you know what I mean”

Another response “get dick pics all the time. Sometimes, it’s the second message/text.”

I’m either stupid or, more likely, “protected” and naive. If I hadn’t asked, I wouldn’t know people did this. I thought “most men” were like me. I thought that we treated women the way we want them to be treated… I think “most” are but, enough aren’t that it’s beyond time for the decent ones of us to speak up…


Hey, Asswipes Disguised as Men.
Shut your filthy fucking mouths. Put down the phone and keyboard. Delete your camera app. Y’all are a bunch of insecure idiots.  She doesn’t owe you anything. She didn’t ask to be treated the way you are treating her. She doesn’t exist so that you can get laid. I’ll go over this again so that you know…
This is what you do with a Woman. You TALK to her. No, sending dick-pics isn’t “talking”. You make her laugh. You let her feel safe and secure around you. You LISTEN, really pay attention with your whole face and mind, to what she has to say. You treat her with dignity and respect, No, telling her she’s a bitch or a cunt or a dyke because she didn’t like your dick-pics DOES NOT count as “dignity and respect”. You take “no” for an answer the very first time she even hints at saying no. You NEVER put in a spot where she is the tiniest bit uncomfortable around you. Not ever. Period. You don’t brag to her about how she will feel when you are fucking her. You don’t make suggestions unless she specifically invites you to. No, you do not mistake being polite as “invites”.
You don’t act like you are a victim when she rejects you. You don’t have that right. If you think that she “owes” you sex, you are a potential rapist and need to be in a cage.
Is any of this getting through to you morons?
Nah, I figured it wasn’t but, I had to try. I won’t even go into the whole “women are our mothers, daughters, wives, and sisters” bit because your actions show that is the way you WANT them treated. All you see is an object and not a human.
The worst part of what you baboons are doing is that, for the majority of us, the women in our lives don’t tell us the shit you put them through. Our women protect us from you because they know that two things would happen when we found out, Put it like this, they keep us out of prison and you out of a box.
In short, if you think what you are doing or have done is correct or proper, instead of saying that crap or forcing yourself on her, you should go fuck yourself and then you could get laid every night.
P.S. To y’all that call yourselves “incels”. You aren’t “involuntary” anything. You should call yourselves “voluntary sub-humans”. You have no right to anyone else’s body or company. You are not fit for the companionship of humans. If you feel so strongly that people have a “right” to sex, maybe you should volunteer to go to the Rainbow Lounge and take it up the ass. Don’t gay men have a right to sex, too?


This isn’t me making some silly SJW excuse for me being such a great guy. I’m not. I’m an opinionated middle-aged man. I don’t care about most things. I’m not that worried about how other families live their lives. I don’t give a damn about politics. Most “social issues” don’t make any difference to me. I am not taking on some misguided guilt for an accident of birth that made me a hetero white male.  My reasons for what I write about the way women are treated, religion and, LBGT Rights have all come from the same spot. My very best friends are women. My reasons are PURELY selfish. I don’t want my friends treated like shit.

Dear Ladies,
I apologize. The decent MEN among us have kept our mouths shut for too long. Maybe we need to be shocked out of our complacency. Do us a favor, I promise we won’t like it but do it anyway. When some shit like this happens, tell us. Let us feel your pain and disgust and fear. We love you. Let us be there…even if we don’t know what to do and can’t really fix it. The decent ones of us DO outnumber the assholes and predators. We may not be able to stop them but, let us try. Let us tell you and show you that what they do is no reflection on you, only them. Y’all have put up with this stuff for far too long alone. We, Men, don’t really have any way to make up for the past but, maybe we can make your future better.


I Know, I’ll Cheat on My Wife…

I keep wanting to start writing this by asking “are you f**king stupid?” Here’s where I am at. Please excuse me for writing it from my perspective and not addressing marital issues or from both sides…

Before you read farther, I used asterisks a bunch because I am so frustrated that I didn’t self-edit…much…This is a topic that p**ses me the f**k off. I waited a very long time to get married and I do not and will not ever understand what people are thinking…

A Lady I know was propositioned. Yeah, I’m copying part of the post, with her permission because I’m lazy…

This just happened to me this week. And ended today.
1. A Friend of many of my friends sends me a friend request.
2. He’s married.
3. He’s nice and funny, and our mutual friends are classmates, so I accept.
4. He starts private messaging me, wanting to come over and “cook” for me, since he enjoys cooking. And he’s apparently “blown away” by me and, oh, it’ll be “our secret.”
5. I say “no, you’re married”.
6. The little bugger is persistent, and quite charming, but NO. NO AND NO. NO.
7. Suddenly, I’m not seeing his posts and comments anymore. What’s this about?
8. OH DARN, he’s unfriended me.

What in the unholy f**k is wrong with guys? Where in any kind of sane or honorable world could this be considered appropriate conduct?

I am a dinosaur, a throwback to a far older time when it comes to this. I swore an oath. I have a view of the way Oathbreakers should be treated that far predates Western Christianity. “Head on a pike” is the mild version of the way I think…

Back to my point. Some people would say “it takes two to tango” and I’ll call bulls**t on that. It takes ONE to say “no”. What the f**k was he thinking? “My wife won’t mind” Did he think that C wouldn’t mind screwing around with a married guy? Did he just think, “what the hell, I’ll screw up my marriage today?” Was the thought…never mind, there was NO thought…

I am old fashioned. I think that it’s the guy’s responsibility to not get into that situation. If he’s married, don’t do it. If he’s single and she’s married, still don’t do it. If you want to screw around outside of your marriage, have the stones to walk up to your wife and ask for a divorce, then screw around.

I just want to shake the guy and say “Dude, sound out the big words mah-reed. Married, you dumb f**k. You swore a f**king Oath. If you didn’t mean it, you should have kept your f**king mouth shut! You have one f**king job, be a good husband. What part of that includes cheating on your wife. If you can’t keep your pecker in your pocket, maybe you should chop the damn thing off…”

*sigh and exhale*

I don’t even begin to understand. I just don’t. If you thought the lady you propositioned was worth being that intimate with, why would you disrespect her that way? Even if your vows don’t mean anything to you, what makes you think she’s that dishonorable?

I know stuff like this has happened for centuries. Males, some males, are spectacularly stupid. Some males think it’s their right and that the woman should understand that you’re “just a man” but, that’s not what men do. Boys do that. Boys don’t understand that when they get caught they will hurt someone they said they loved. Boys only understand instant gratification.


I know that this is getting to a point where I’m just exhasperated and typing. I just don’t get it…

I took a “poll” on my facebook page. I asked “Under what circumstances is it acceptable to cheat on your wife?” The single most common answer was “none” closely followed by “never”.

There are NO excuses. I had a co-worker tell me that his dad was a “whore-monger” and he was just doing like he was taught. I’ve heard the line, “it was just once”. “I was drunk”. “She started it and it was an accident”. NO NO NO. No excuses. You had to take your pants off, you knew what you were doing. You had to talk to her before it got to that point. Thought was involved. This isn’t like dropping a plate in the kitchen. It didn’t just slip out of your hand.

Look guys, you want to prove you have a “pair”? Keep them in your pants Be a Man and prove it by acting with honor. If you can’t, at least admit that you’re a boy…


I’ll have Door Number 2

I thought of some more questions so, I thought I’d ask them…

St Augustine said in “The City of God”?
Yeah, he said all sorts of things. He said that all polytheistic religions were only there because they were hedonistic in their nature. He called everything not Christian demon inspired, ignoring that demons are a Judeo/Christian concept…He was writing propaganda to a specific audience right after the Sack of Rome. He was looking for an excuse to blame the decline of the Roman Empire on anything but Rome. It happens.

Why do you insist on writing these if you don’t think anyone actually reads them?
Well…the short answer is “Aj”. The medium answer is “I gave my word I would to her”. To be a bit longer than that…I’m selfish. I want to not be concerned that she is being hassled or stressed. I want to not feel like I have to pray for her safety when I say my prayers. I am also a proud person. Yeah, pride isn’t good but, this is an exception. One of the finest humans I know picked me to be a part of her life. I will, metaphorically, shout it from the rooftops. That not many people read these isn’t a good enough reason to stop. I get to write about and for someone dear to my “tiny little cast iron heart”. The final reason is that, gives some of the stuff she’s allowed me to write and the way she’s been “used” in posts, she’s as much a part of these as I am. I am merely the guy typing. If she won’t quit, neither may I. I hope that she and I might change someone’s, anyone’s, mind.

Don’t you fear that your faith…?
Interestingly enough, because of these and her, my faith is stronger, not compromised. I had to examine, still have to, my beliefs and my interactions with God. I had to read and re-read the words of Jesus and examine what they mean to me as a Christian. I had to examine my own life in light of those words. In short, no.

I’ve heard they have rituals. What about those?
We have rituals. We do Communion and believe in Transubstantiation of the wafers and the wine during that process. We have collective prayers. We make offerings of money and effort. Do you mean like those? Every faith has ritual practices. It’s the nature of humans to want to do those and find comfort in the practice of them.

As a follow-up, I’ve heard there’s *whispers* nudity?
Honestly, I have no clue. I really don’t want to imagine my friends nude because we’re a bunch of middle-aged people. If you’re curious, I have this Cleansing Ritual I practice nude. It’s called “taking a shower”…when I get out, there’s a naked middle-aged guy in the mirror and it scares me. Look, there are a bunch of Urban Legends. Do y’all believe those, too?

But, Miller, aren’t they trying to influence worldly events by what they are doing in their practices?
Yes, they are trying to persuade spiritual interaction in the material world. So what? When I pray for protection and safety for my wife and Aj, isn’t that exactly the same thing? Aren’t I trying to get the Spiritual World to directly influence the Material World?

So, y’all are Science Deniers?
Huh? Oh, got it, you mean that I don’t believe in physics or chemistry or engineering? Nope, in fact, when I look at the incredible biochemical machine that a single cell is, much less, the grouping of cells made into systems and, those systems working together to provide an organism, I see engineering and science at it’s finest. To deny an Engineer seems to me to be the height of folly. I’m typing on a computer. I acknowledge that it is designed and manufactured, why not something vastly more complex?

What about…?
Well, I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess at the question. I AM human. I make mistakes. I HAVE believed things that are untrue. I could be mistaken in my beliefs. Making mistakes are a part of being human…
Not the question? Oh…well…I am sure of two things, I am sure that I love my wife more than my next breath. I am sure that I am truly Blessed, in the Christian sense, to have been given a chance to have a friend that is worth writing about and for in Aj.
Yeah, this is an attempt, like it will always be, to convince all four of you that read these to see the Person that she is and treat her with the dignity and respect that her life has earned.

If you are reading these and have any questions that do not involve her family, geographic location, or would compromise her safety or that of any other person, please ask. If I get enough, meaning more than 2, I’ll write up her answers.


Four Out Of Five Doctors Surveyed

I thought I would answer some questions but, I’ll ask for y’all and then answer them as they come to mind…

You’ve alluded to a difference that was hard for you to reconcile. What was it?
I am a Christian. She is a polytheist. It wasn’t difficult on HER end because she knew I was Christian and, although it could have been difficult for her if I was a jerk, I wasn’t a jerk. The difficulty was on my end. Something along the lines of “you’re a what?” She gave me about a year to process what I saw with what I thought. I got over it. Now, even more now than then, I appreciate the difference because it doesn’t matter that much.

So, y’all are an interfaith friendship?
No. Most definitely no. We are friends. We are people that love each other and just happen to be of different sets of beliefs. “Interfaith” implies that we are seeking some points of intersection between our systems of beliefs. There are commonalities of results but, the two do not intersect.

Doesn’t that present some kind of problems?
No. Because she understands Christianity, she sees where I’m coming from. Because I think the world of her, I don’t care that she’s not Christian. Truth be told, I “understand”, in a limited sort of way, “some” aspects of her beliefs. What I see and care about are the results. Those are that she is at peace and has some spirituality. I have an innate distrust of people that are not spiritual in some form or fashion. Sorry, that’s my own bias.

Would one or the other of you like it if the other person were to change beliefs?
Again, no. Why would I want her to change? Her beliefs are a deeply important part of who she is. My beliefs are equally as important to me. If either of us were to remove those, we would not be the same. I would not change her if I could. It would mean the loss of an essential part of her.

If you could change something she does, what would it be?
I said it up there, Not. One. Tiny. Thing. She is the Perfect Aj. Leave the topic alone. I am content with the person that she is. I wish she lived closer but, she won’t leave the heat and I won’t leave Texas.

Does your wife know how close you are? As a follow-up, does she have a problem with that?
Yes, she knows. No, she doesn’t have a problem. Why would there be a problem? Gender? What a stupid reason to avoid someone.They are two different people. One, I married and am entirely faithful to. The other, I didn’t marry, although I’ve known her almost as long. I am, to borrow a term, “fiercely loyal” to Aj Just as I am proud that my wife picked me, I am equally proud that Aj did. Two great people allow me to share their lives.

Ok, explain how this works. You believe in an Abrahamic God and she’s a polytheist. Doesn’t one preclude the other?
No. From what I’ve read and am able to gather, Abram made a covenant and became a monotheist. Nowhere does it say that the Old Gods went away. It says that he decided to worship one God. That was the Old Covenant. The New Covenant was between the followers of Christ and replaced the old one. Her views are that she was never part of that and she follows the old gods and is not subject to either. I haven’t asked if she believes that mine exists. I really don’t worry about that much, it’s like comparing apples and football. They don’t intersect.

That smacks of pluralism. What’s your answer to that?
I’d have to ask her what views she has specifically on an afterlife. I “think” that she believes that her energy rejoins the universe or a fashion of god-mind. I believe that Christian Heaven and Hell exist for Christians. Those are two very different concepts.

So, you compromised your beliefs to include her? You became a Heretic to keep from having to send your friend to Hell?
Nope. The Bible says that I am not to judge the condition of someone’s Soul. I believe she has one. I believe that, like it says in Job, that He knew her before she was born. If He wanted her to be other than she is, He would have made her that way. I also believe that He put the two of us in each other’s lives for a reason. I do not believe that there was intent to harm either of us. I mean, He IS God. It would be a tiny god that couldn’t do as he desired.
I’ll give it this, to answer the “heretic” part. It is not particularly Scriptural…and it isn’t “not” for me to want to believe that my God, even if she doesn’t share my faith, loves her, too. He would not have created someone like that if He didn’t. Of all the people that He made that illustrate what He wants us to be like, the Good that we are supposed to be, the care for His Creations that we are supposed to have, she is one of the very best examples. If that answer defines heresy, yeah, she influenced that.

If any of y’all have any questions you want us to attempt to answer, please ask. If I can, I will. If it’s an Aj question, I’ll ask her and reply. Thanks again for reading these.


There’s a Woodchuck on the Mantle

An elephant in the room is a large moving thing that you can not avoid. It takes up all the space and makes life uncomfortable. It is intimidating…

On the other hand, a woodchuck on the mantle WILL get your attention. If you’re not expecting it, it will startle you. Not everyone keeps a woodchuck in the house…in fact, most people wouldn’t even consider it. It does take a bit of getting used to. After that, it really becomes less and less of a distraction. You ask about woodchucks. You learn where they fit into the ecosystem. You discover how they live…then after all of that, you just think, “woodchucks, huh? Okie dokie.” and drive on.

If it weren’t for the fact that I write about Aj in the vast majority of these, the “woodchuck” wouldn’t be anywhere close to the first thing I think of when I think about her. It wouldn’t be in the top 5. There are more important things. Not taking away from it but, it just isn’t something to be “concerned” about.

Anyway…I wouldn’t keep a woodchuck in the house. I’m not a big fan of them. I am a huge fan of Aj. So, if I want Aj as a part of my world, and short of my wife she’s the most important non-blood relation in my world, I have to figure out a way to come to grips with it, right? Just as a note, I DID figure out a way. It was simple, I love her to bits so, woodchucks pale in comparison to that affection…


What do I have to worry about? She loves me and I have a porcupine on the coffee table…

Sorry Aj, You’re not my best friend.

…geography sucks…

Aj lives a thousand miles away. She also used to live a thousand miles away in the opposite direction. She keeps telling me we could move but, I’m as stubborn as she is and I will not leave Texas. I keep telling her she could move but, being the stubborn lady she is, she refuses to leave her desert.

…yeah, geography really sucks…

Back to the story. I did some digging to try to figure out the timing of events. I had it backward. The “love you best” comment preceded the Best Friend bit, Just as an aside, an imperfect memory makes sense since my eyes are getting bad, my hair is wandering away, and I can’t remember what the third thing was…

Processing what happened and why., there, that spot…

A “tiny” digression, why do I write about Aj all the time and not something else? Well, I like to cook. It’s my hobby. I have another hobby, it’s “doing nice things for my wife”. Cooking helps with that. I won’t say I talk to Aj every day but, she crosses my mind quite a bit. Since that “geography” thing precludes cooking for her, too, writing is what I have that’s “doing nice things for Aj”. If you had a friend that you loved as much as I love her, wouldn’t you try to do nice things for them, too?

Timelines are important. The order of events makes a difference. I had the cause and the effect reversed…I was a smarta$$ and a year after that she decided I was her best friend. She waited ’till I was ready…That or she sort of knew and the thought framed itself after I was willing to deal with it. I get overwhelmed and she knows that. For what it’s worth, I asked her and the answer was if that I couldn’t handle all she is…I am a bit dense sometimes…

I wrote everything above this before work. I’m on Light Duty so, work is mindless with a bunch of time to think. The following section is what I finally realized…something I should have figured out a long, well several years, ago.

My wife isn’t my “best wife”. There is not a scale that she fits. She’s “My Wife”. There is a space in me that she fills. I can not define it or her. I can not replace her. Her place within me is hers.

All along I’ve been calling Aj my “best friend”. What a load of hooey. To use that phrase puts her on some kind of grid or list. It limits her to a space, even if it’s the top, and implies that she could be replaced. It defines and qualifies. I think she’ll be surprised to find out that she isn’t my best friend. I don’t have a term to replace it with other than “my Aj”. I  think she’ll be happy about that…and if she isn’t, she’ll tell me. There is an “Aj shaped hole” that she fills. It’s much less complicated…and much more…than simply “best friend”…

I think this is enough pondering and wandering for today. I hope that whoever reads these words finds their Aj, too.

When EF Hutton Talks…

Ya know, I never really let something go till I’ve written it into the ground, like a test pilot, “just let me try one more thi…” and the plane hits the ground. This shouldn’t end like that…*grins*

Where was I?

We ended the last one at the spot where the realization had hit me, belatedly because I’m dense, that I have a Best Friend, right? How ’bout we go on with the tale from there…

I wander through the world expecting people to pretty much be like me. Not the same life or past but, the same values and faith and basic traits. I just sort of see through my own set of perspectives and biases and well, I just do. I hope y’all are catching what I’m attempting to say. I don’t really think that people with different perspectives or ways are stupid or misguided because I don’t think that “I” am so…

Anyway…Aj and I share the same values. We have different perspectives because life gets you to different places at different times except for one tiny thing…

Do you have that one friend that challenges ALL your preconceived notions of how things are “supposed” to be? If you don’t, find one. It is good for you. I think that we need to be knocked off center so that we have to look at ourselves. To grow and be stronger, our worldview should be challenged to see if it survives intact or if it needs to be changed.

There I was, minding my own business, being a smarta$$…Well, as the song says…maybe the song doesn’t say…anyway, I made an off the cuff comment and she knocked me right off my complacent tail. That’s what the best kind of friends do, right? They challenge your perceptions of what you think things “should” be. Then they give you the room to figure out what you’re going to do with that. Yeah, she did nudge me a bit. She let me process things in my own head but, wasn’t going to let me assume that I could just let my mind form her into something she wasn’t.

Honestly, I lost a bunch of sleep figuring out what to do. Several nights, meaning I woke up in my sleep for a few weeks trying to figure stuff out…and she’d answer my questions and leave me alone. Not “alone” alone but, none of that silly “how does that make you feel?” b.s. I was given a chance to walk away. Bear in mind, this is after she’s decided that we are best friends and after I’ve gotten through “another woman has said ‘love’ to me and I am still able to be faithful to my wife”.

Obviously, by now, I didn’t follow my first instinct and run. I didn’t do what came next and try to convince her of “the error of her ways” and get her to change. That wouldn’t have worked anyway. She won’t change for anyone except herself. She’ll remain true to who she is and let the chips fall where they may.

There is a reason for that story. I want y’all to see Aj. Honestly, I want y’all to be a bit jealous that someone like that would decide that I’m her Best Friend. *grins* I’d like it if you’d become “attached” to her. She does figure “fairly prominently” in this blog and my life so, seeing her for the person that she is sort of makes sense in this context…or any other…*grins* Isn’t that the point of any story about a friend, to help you like them? I DO like her.

I did get over my own hang-ups and say, “I love you, too”. It doesn’t seem unfaithful. My wife has met her. My wife likes her and likes that I have her as a Best Friend *editorial, my wife doesn’t like many people. She’s not a “people person”* That also says a lot.

I think I’ll leave the story here for now. *grins* Watch this space for The Continuing Saga of Miller and Aj…

Sex Sells


Hmmmmmm…I think…yeah…beginnings…

I have a best friend. I didn’t always have her as a best friend but, I do now and have for a few years. She didn’t know me for most of my life and I was a different person during those years anyway. No matter…

I went looking. FaceBook never really gets rid of anything. Ever. If you wrote it, and you remember what you wrote, you can find it. On January 13, 2012, at 6:59pm my life changed. How’s that for a specific event and time. I didn’t quite realize how much it would but, it did…That is the specific time that Aj used the phrase “love you best”. My reply was to be a smarta$$ because, that’s what I do when someone uses the “L-word” to me, more specifically, about me…I am not used to people saying that and meaning it. Family, sure. Guys, “I love you, man”. That happens. Non-family, non-spouse, women? Yeah, never.

I do not use that word casually. I “really like” bacon.

My life has two parts. There is a line that divides it. My Second Life is the last 12 years. In my First Life, I learned not to trust and to never love anything, particularly myself. In April of 2010, I met Aj. We became friends. Just as an aside, the scale of time is important here, the portion of this part of my life is what counts. To me, I have known her for most of my life…

Anyway, I didn’t quite know how to react. Friends? Yeah. “Love you best”? What in the Name of the Easter Bunny is she saying? “Love”? Run. Run far and fast. Besides, I’m married and…well…she is a SHE. How does this work? I am entirely faithful to my wife. I can’t even consider letting another woman use that word. What in the world is going on here? Yeah, I went a bit bonkers. *grins* Aj, better than anyone knows how bonkers I got…

Where was I, 2012 January, there…Aj…Have I told you about her?

She is who this is supposed to be about, not some guy. I admire Aj. I really do, she’s a fairly “not tall” person ’bout 5’3-4″ or some such. *holds out hand* This tall.  Physically, she’s medium sized. She has dark hair. I think it has some gray in it but, so what? She has some tats. She wears some jewelry. She hates shoes. She likes the heat and hates the winter. She loves the rain. All that’s the unimportant stuff…*grins*…except for the “hates shoes” part. Gotta love someone who hates shoes since I do, too. Common ground, right? She’s a Yankee…and I’m not. Oh well, not everyone can be from Texas. Won’t hold that against her…

Those things are all external.

What else? Well, she’s tough. I mean, she is a, to borrow an overused term, a survivor. No matter what happens, she gets back up and keeps going. Stubborn? Yeah, mules have nothing on her when she sets her mind on something. She’s smart. Far smarter than I am and I “think” that I’m not stupid…no matter how it appears at times…She cares about the things that are important to her and doesn’t worry about the rest. That’s a trait we both share. She has the ability to be vastly patient when she’s teaching something and incredibly impatient when she thinks you’re refusing to learn. Don’t ask how I know that. She is kind to kids, her’s, her grandkids, kids in general. She just has a soft spot for kids. She laughs. She loves to laugh. She doesn’t lie. She doesn’t lie when the truth could cause her problems. If you don’t want to know what she thinks don’t ask her but, be prepared if you do.

…and those are internal but, still not the point…

Back to our tale…Why is she my best friend? *exhale* Well because she decided I am hers. Talk about things I didn’t expect. *grins* How to explain this? I rarely assume anything and when I do, I tend to make mistakes so, I try not to. Anyway, there I was, minding my own business, trapped on the couch recovering from pneumonia when this wanders across my screen “It really is strange to realize that your best friend (whom you didn’t even realize WAS your best friend until now)”…and I think, “that’s cool, she needs to have one of those”…I’m a bit dense…I had decided that we were “close” and I had a vacancy for one of those but, I really wasn’t looking for someone to fill that hole. I was content with having my wife, family, and a few people that I could deal with. “Best Friend” is another matter entirely. That person is Trusted.

So…yeah…I’m dragging this out because I want to get this right.

She decided. She decided she could trust me. I am not used to that. I am very cautious. Sure, my life is an open book but, trust goes inside the traits that make a person or the events in their life. I’ll tell you anything about my life you care to ask, no biggie. The questions you don’t get to ask are about my thoughts. “Why?” is off limits. Trust means that you answer that question. Trust means you don’t give evasive answers. It means that you realize that the other person could hurt you and you’ll give them that chance over and over knowing that they won’t on purpose and, if they do it by accident, that’s what it is, an accident. Trust scares the crap outta me…well…not as much as it used to but, not so little that I’m prepared to offer it to anyone.

I trust Aj, without reservation. *Sorry, the pronoun “I” keeps coming up in a story about someone else. To help y’all see her, gotta use the perspective I have.* I digress. She offered the same to me. Of all the things I don’t want to do, and she knows it, I could hurt her. Not physically but, worse. I could betray her trust. I could hurt the second woman that was not a relative that told me she loved me. I KNOW her. That “L-word” actually means something to her, too…

Do you ever get to a spot where you have to step back for a bit when you’re thinking about something or someone and words become jumbled in your head? The words, so many, are in there but, you can’t get all of them out, that’s where I am right now.

Is there someone in your life that you can tell anything to? That you can share the ugliest things of your past with. That you know will always, every time, want what’s best for you, even if it were to hurt them? Is there one person, besides your spouse, that will not hold what you’ve done, or been, against you? A person that is willing to let you see who they are…even if that means risking that you’ll run and hoping that you won’t? That’s who I am trying to help y’all to see.

Sorry, words really are failing me so, I think we’ll end this here for now. I’m going to just enjoy the thoughts that writing this story brings.

I have a best friend. I don’t know why she decided we needed to be. She tries to explain and I just nod and still don’t understand. I don’t care why. Why doesn’t matter anyway…

The people in our lives are our treasure. Those that we love. Those that we know that, without hesitation, we would lay our life down for, those loved ones… *sigh and exhale*…Treasures…I have my wife…and I have Aj. I am rich beyond measure.

A Curmudgeonly Protective Rant

I’ve decided to be more close-minded. I’m going to slam it shut. I am not going to tolerate other views or perspectives. Willingly and with forethought jump off the deep end into my own view being the only correct one…

You might, at this point, be thinking, “Miller, you claim to be a Heretic. You ‘say’ that your best friends are “other” when it comes to who your demographic is. What gives? Have you just become some kind of a hypocrite?”

Well…no. My view is that my “other” friends are MY friends. What is good for them is good and what harms them is bad. Period. I can not physically protect them. They live too far away. I’m fairly sure that, between them, they have enough shovels to bury the bodies on their own anyway.

In fact, I don’t think they “need” me for any d**n thing. They’ve put up with enough bulls**t in their lives and come out stronger. They’ve walked their paths since long before I was around and they’re still on their feet. They made it past exes and a$$holes and abuse that would make my knees buckle. They’re a bunch of tough broads and I admire the hell out of them for it.

My friends, the “usual suspects” and another that seems to have crawled in over the past couple of years are better than me…and for damn sure you…*see, close-minded as hell*…In spite of that, they put up with me.

What I CAN do is to be on their side…meaning MINE. I can channel my inner curmudgeon and say “f**k you” to the world for them.

If this seems a “tad belligerent”, it is.

It is me protecting by wrapping my figurative arms around them and letting them have space, not a silly “safe space” but, just space where they don’t have to be anything other than who they are. Where some a$$hole guy doesn’t want them for what he can get from them…I lied, I do want to “get” something. It’s just that it isn’t sex, money, power, or personal validation. I don’t need any of those. I get to have people to care about. I get to let them have a bit of me…and I have a bit of them.

So, yeah, closed tight. Wrapped around a group of people that I wouldn’t have sought out. They’re far too different from “old me” for me to have gone looking but, since they’re here, I wouldn’t trade them for any number of you.

Like ’em. Love ’em. Hate ’em. I don’t care what you think. I’m not their “only” friend but, I am one that says “p**s on my demographic I love them just the way they are”

Holy Smokes

It’s been almost a year since I last wrote…I left because I was fed up with “politics”. I felt that Reason had long since become disgusted and wandered away. I am not “political” in the sense that I identify with a party or specific ideology. I also believe that the topics that I’ve written about, meaning, Religious Freedom, the fact that Women have worth and should never be physically or emotionally abused and, LBGT Rights transcend politics…

I left because I was fed up with “politics”. I felt that Reason had long since become disgusted and wandered away. I am not “political” in the sense that I identify with a party or specific ideology. I also believe that the topics that I’ve written about, meaning, Religious Freedom, the fact that Women have worth and should never be physically or emotionally abused and, LBGT Rights transcend politics…

I also left because I was at a point where I felt like I had said all I could say and was reaching burnout. In addition, my own tiny family, meaning, my wife, needed every bit of my emotional energy…

I am writing this one because I want to reaffirm and restate what I always believed.

  • What your beliefs do not make you good or bad. There are bad Christians, good Pagans and, indifferent Atheists. The “content of your character” comes from within and not a system of belief.
  • Women have worth. Period. They are not chattel. They are not objects. They are not punching bags or targets for torment. They are our mothers, sisters, daughters, coworkers, fellow humans, wives, partners, and any other phrase or word you choose to describe them. They are the equals of men. They are the ONLY gender capable of giving birth to humans. We owe them our lives and they deserve to be treated with the respect that has well earned.
  • Your sexuality is your own. Yeah, I think the LBGT Community has gotten a rough deal from the majority of my Cis-het Christian Community but, the fact that you are ANY of the previous doesn’t make you “special”, it makes you human. There are over 7 billion people on the Earth. All of them have some form of sexuality … including a desire to have none. All it boils down to, in the end, is that you don’t deserve to be persecuted for who you f**k. That’s it.

I started to write this as a response to the Fear that seems to pervade today’s society. Thing is people have been saying for thousands of years “the end is near” and it hasn’t happened yet. The fears of today are nothing but the flavor of the month. We have survived both wise men and fools in high office. We have survived War and Famine. We have made it through everything Nature can throw at us. The troubles of today pale in comprison to those of the past. The only difference it that today’s are happening now…

Perhaps it’s merely my age that gives me some tiny bit, I hope, of wisdom and perspective but, I am less concerned about how the World treats me and more concerned about how I treat y’all. It isn’t the Alfred E. Neuman, “what, me worry?” as much as it is that I really don’t want to waste the energy concerning myself with things I can not change and may not even happen…

…I don’t really know if this post means I’m back or is just to say that my views haven’t changed…