social injustice

Are You Effing Stupid?

Are you effing stupid?

Do you blame a bank for being robbed? If you don’t…

Do you really believe a rapist picked her because he thought she was a slut? Do you think that he saw her dressed that way and it made him want to rape her?…or is it because you want some excuse to blame her and not look into your own soul and peer at your own weaknesses?

One of the people I love has been subjected to this…and more…

The worst part of convincing yourself that she somehow deserved it is that by the repeating SHE  starts to believe it. She starts to think she’s in the wrong…That is the part of your bulls**t that really is disgusting. That you try to use your words to convince her that she earned RAPE.

You know that dispassionate part where I can try to step back, this isn’t it. Slut shaming subjects the victim to the crime over and over. It revictimizes. It degrades. It tears people down when they most need building up. Piss on the lot of you.

I’ll take HER side every effing time. I’ll defend her right to dress how she pleases, sleep with whoever she consents to and however often she desires…and if you blame her or attack her, I’ll laugh while she leaves you. I’ll stand with her and you may go f**k yourself…



Because It Needed To Be Said…

I haven’t written in some time. I’ve been on “sabbatical” or just taking some time off. Truth be told, writing the blog hurts. I’m not big on saying that or making excuses so, please forgive me for that. I’m also not one to let a bit of pain stop me from doing what’s needed…

I was looking at a couple of old posts from last year and comparing them to what’s happening and see that societal change is slow. It seems that few people actually think or grow as they age, what happens is that they die off. *sigh* Meaning, that the next generation and their views supplant those that have become deceased. Very few of us have “semi-colon lives”. Those of us that do are still like the deceased ones in that our lives have splits in them, the before and the after. Mine is one so, I was lucky and able to change. I digress…


I keep seeing people talking *editorial, I’m a Fb junkie* about “making America great again” and feel sorry for them. If they don’t recognize that politicians, ALL POLITICIANS, come and go and have nothing to do with the greatness of the country, they missed the point. It isn’t who is in office *editorial, please do not read into this that I am talking about any specific person or office* that makes this country great. The common citizens do. The fact that I am able to have and cherish people with widely differing political views is one sign of that.

The common citizens do. The fact that I am able to have and cherish people with widely differing political views is one sign of that. The fact that I am able to drive as far as I am able or inclined and still not have to cross a checkpoint does. That I am able to work at a job and occupation of my choosing does. That I have the freedom to  f**k up, stand up, and try again does. That I am not hungry does. That I have the freedom to publicly disagree with the government and individuals does…


…and now for that disagreement…

This post was brought on by two things that boil down to one, blaming the victim.

Do you know what we call people that commit crimes? Answer: criminals. We don’t call them “rape victims”. We don’t call them “transgender”. We don’t call them “women” or “men” or “Christian” or “Pagan”. We call them “rapists”, “pedophiles”, “felons”, and “perpetrators”.

We don’t get to claim “presumption of innocence” for ourselves while denying that to those we don’t understand. Period. If we presume to label one group because they are different than ourselves, then we should have the moral courage to desire that same label to be applied to us.

I don’t know if I know anyone that is transgender. I haven’t asked. It really has no bearing on anything, to me anyway. What gender someone appears to be and carries themselves as is what they are.Why would I question that? I suppose, if they want me to know, they could tell me but, I just don’t really care. Being transgender doesn’t make them either good or bad. I’ll base what I think of them on their character and not anything else. Always have been that way, always will…

On the other hand, I know several people that have told me that they are rape victims. Again, I didn’t ask…and am not really sure why they think I’m worth their trust that they’ve shown by telling me. I’ve said something similar to this before but, I’m doing it again…

Your worth to me is because of who you are, not what happened to you. To those of you that I’ve used the word “love” to or about, what happened to you neither increases nor diminishes that. You, the individuals are precious and treasured. I can not tell you to “get over it” because nightmares fade but never quite go away. All I have to help is to let you know that before you told me, you had a place in my tiny heart and after finding out, that place is still yours as long as you allow me to keep it there for you. I hope that is enough to help because that’s all I have.


Do you know what will be the downfall of America? When we pretend to be victims and forget that we are not. When we diminish the REAL victims because we are selfish and full of ignorance.


”If it’s inevitable, just relax and enjoy it.”

I’m confused. Maybe you can help me to understand. I keep bumping into the endless series of “why” questions…
Why is it ok for me to wear a cross or a Jesus t-shirt and it isn’t for a Pagan to wear a Pentagram or clothing expressing their faith?

Why is it ok for me to get upset if I think my faith, with all they myriad sect, is called a “cult” but, Pagans are expected to let it go?

Why is it “normal” for us to have a church on every corner and Pagans have to hide? We say they have rituals in the dark and the woods because they are evil and trying to hide. That isn’t the case, they respect and worship their Gods in nature and see the divine in the outdoors. We forced them to hide from us and blame them for hiding…


Once upon a time, we had a “good ole boy”, Clayton Williams, running for Governor of Texas who compared bad weather to rape. He said, ”If it’s inevitable, just relax and enjoy it.” Is that what we expect Pagans to do in a Christian society? We expect them to “enjoy it” when we ridicule them. We expect them to “relax” when we bully and shun? That’s how they’re supposed to face the “inevitable”?

Religious persecution and bullying are the same things. A rapist thinks that taking what they want from a person is their right. They do not see a human but, an object. Religious persecution sees as a right, removal of person and making an object out of a human. Neither sees the “wrongness” of their action because they only recognize the validity of themselves and not the other.

At our core, what we find as our “faith” is the most basic of our “intangibles”. It is our most basic self-identity. An attack on that calls for us to question everything else in our life. From our Faith or lack, comes our sense of place and value. It gives us a context for our life and a group identity. Outside of sexual orientation, it is the most important of the ways we define ourselves.

To strip that away, to make us fearful of being attacked for that is the equivalent. It, being attacked for faith, calls us to question our lives, values, and worth. It leaves us with fear and paranoia.

So, why do we think it’s our right and duty to ostracize? Why do Christians think that Christianity allows them to attack someone else’s faith while screaming “PERSECUTION” when the return is given. *editorial, I made a blanket statement without blanket intent. Not all Christians persecute and not all Christians cry when it is returned* Why do we expect to be able to attack with impunity? To ridicule without opening up ourselves to the same? To call someone “worthless” and not show our own same lack of worth? We “reap what we sow”.

I suppose I am naive. *sigh* I thought I was taught to treat others like I want to be treated. It doesn’t matter to me what your beliefs are Pagan, Christian, “Christian-ish”, or Heretic. Those are your core.

If I want my heresy to be respected, my “self” not to be violated, my life not to be “fear, I need to give you the same room in yours. You’re not an object and you, the physical and intangible, person deserve the safety of your person. I don’t have to understand you. I do have to protect and care for you. I NEVER get to expect you to “relax and enjoy it” unless I am willing to do the same…

Jesus Loves Me…

I sat in the pew and wondered…I suspect my heresy started long before I think it did…

I didn’t ask the questions I thought. I didn’t ask what happened in the years between Jesus and now. I didn’t read the history of the religious wars and strife. I saw movies about the Knights, Crusades, Musketeers, and I accepted that they were right…but, I still wondered…

I thought, “what if God wants people that way”.  I sang, “Jesus loves the little children…” and “Jesus loves me, this I know…” and wondered why adults seem to be left out. Why do we hate people that believe differently? We called the Jews “Jesus killers” and burned Witches…because that was the “right” thing to do. What if God loved them, too?

What if God loved them, too?

Why do we fear others? Why do we include children and leave out adults?  There is a Witch I know that told me this…

“The other night before going to bed my phone rang. From a number I did not recognize came a voice asking if they could purchase a spell. I was dumbfounded. Nowhere on any of my pages have I said that I do that, but it meant that someone had assumed that. I politely told them no and when they asked if I knew someone who did I referred them to any of the New Age shops in the city. Afterwards, my reaction was fear. Fear that someone where my husband works would have seen something that would make his work life hard or cause him to be fired (yes, I know that is illegal, but so is ageism, and sexism, and several other isms. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.) Or that someone would figure out where I live and do things to bring attention to my neighbors about a witch living in their neighborhood. I would like to think that my fear is unfounded and irrational, but we see on Pagan sites where people have lost their children in custody battles, their children bullied at school, not to mention the gossip and shunning that happens when people find out that you are not Christian…”

Why do we treat her faith any differently than we want out own treated? What happened to the love we were taught when we were young? I know this lady. She is not anti-Christian. She’s merely NOT Christian. She’s not my enemy or Jesus’. If I believe that He loves me, why would I believe he hates her and I have an excuse to treat her as hated? It didn’t say that He exclusively loved Christians, and His words, in the Bible, give no indication that he does. Those thoughts and attitudes came later and were made up by men…


It IS NOT the same and I am not drawing equivalence. I have to be careful about sharing my views at work. Not that I am Christian but, that I am a pro-Pagan Christian. I am leery of talking about what I think in a place where I have to interact with co-workers and “get along”. I only reveal that I write a blog after feeling out the views of the other person. I can not imagine having to do that with every interaction both on and off line.


“Jesus loves me, this I know…” He also loves the Old Ways and the Pagans and everyone else, too. My God is big enough to include everyone so, maybe we should act like it, too…



We Told Them They Were Worth Less…

The Three Hundred Pound Gorilla in the room is an attitude. It is the belief that we are able to treat half the humans on the planet as less than the other half. Specifically, the idea that women are not worth as much as men.

We tell women, over and over, that they are objects, “Sex sells”. We call them “my woman” or “baby mama”. We pretend to be “enlightened”. Yet, we hide from the things that are true. Rape is the most under-reported crime in the country. Physical and emotional abuse is ignored, hidden, or denied. We attack the victim and defend the men by saying “boys will be boys”. We blame her by saying “you shouldn’t have provoked him” or “you shouldn’t have dressed that way”. Every one of these is wrong.

I have been that. Not the violence or emotional abuse but, the rest. I have been around people I knew were in abusive relationships and done nothing, ignored it. I have stood, beer in hand, while the conversation was “she just needs a good f**k” or “that Dyke needs a f**k to show her what she’s missing” and said nothing. I’ve blamed the victim when I watched it on the news “couldn’t she have just enjoyed it?”  “Hell, she had it coming for dressing that way, there.” I was wrong. I was part of the problem.

I was not raised that way. In my parents house, that would not have been tolerated. There was never any abuse, physical or emotional. When I left that home and moved out on my own, it was easier to be “one of the boys” and act like the rest. After a while, those attitudes became my own. Getting along was more important than doing what was right. Luckily for me, I grew up. The more I saw what was happening to me, the more I realized how far from who I was I was becoming, the more I realized I could not go on with those thoughts. Even while I was actively an addict I realized that the casual misogynist that I was becoming was not me…and I stopped him.

Every day, every woman I know faces these. Every  woman that goes out in public is judged by some man. Her clothes, her voice, her body are looked at as if she’s a display in a window. They are NOT given the same room that men are. If she’s having a bad day, she’s a b**ch. If she dresses up, it’s to impress a man. If she happens to wear what’s comfortable, that too is judged. If it’s 105 outside and she dresses for the heat, she’s showing too much…not considering a man can go without a shirt and not be commented on. If she breast feeds her child in public, someone will be offended. If she has an opinion, she’s “bossy”. If a man carries too much weight, it’s “man, you look like you could drop a few pounds” and a joke is made, a woman is “that fat cow”…Even while I’m writing this, an article shows up with the title “Study Proves That Men Really Do Prefer Curves…”…

It surprises me that my closest friends are women. Given what happens every day. Given the prevalence of ignored abuse. Given the “blame the victim and ignore the abuse” mentality. It’s a wonder that ANY woman trusts ANY man. Period.

It keeps rolling around in my mind. I keep trying to see “why?” Why do we tell women that they are not worth as much as men? Why do we tell them to accept abuse? Why do we teach men that women are possessions? Why do we not believe the victims of physical or emotional rape? Why do we treat half of our population, 169 million roughly in the USA, as if their lives had less value? “She’s JUST a girl…”

It’s not about being a “feminist”. It’s  about no longer remaining silent. The only way that things change is for individuals to decide they need to change. It is that we, male humans, need to change our actions. It means we have to look inside ourselves and see the wrongs we’ve inflicted by our own actions or lack. It is letting women know that they are our equals and not a possession, toy, pet, or punching bag. It means that we accept culpability for blaming the victim so that we don’t have to face our own weaknesses. It is being responsible for what we say and do.

We need to grow up. We need to stop being silent.


A Very Long Way to Get to “I Love You”

I was reading a year old post. It seems that some things haven’t changed. I mean, the things that bounce around in my head don’t…

A year ago I wrote, “She is going to be my priority when I write.” about Z. The only difference is that now I write, “I’m doing this for Z.”

A year ago I wrote, “I worry that by reminding Z that the “haters” exist and that, … it brings her down.” I still do.

A year ago I wrote, “This blog would not exist without Z. She deserves credit. She earned it. So, if you happen to read these, think about Z. These might be my words but, they wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her.” *grins*  Yesterday, “For what it’s worth, if it weren’t for Z coming out to me, I’d have never written the blog. I might have done a few posts around the subject but, not this many and not this much effort.” Go figure…


I’ve never hid that I’m an ex-addict. That comes with some baggage. Some of that is that, even though I’m 9 years and change clean, I wasn’t from my mid-teens through early forties. That means I am having to learn some emotional lessons that I should have learned in my teens and early twenties. For example, I need to have some idea where relationships stand.

For example, I need to have some idea where relationships stand. To digress…you, Readers, know about Z. Well, when I started, this was also about Religious Freedom. The reason being that Aj, my “best friend that is not my wife”, is Pagan. The main focuses were to be LBGT Rights for Z, Religious Freedom for Aj, and a few side trips into stuff about me. It became more focussed on Z because Marriage Equality is coming to a head… So, just because it morphed into a blog about Z, it didn’t take away from Aj. Tracking so far?

Here’s the confusion and my “baggage”…In my confused and scrambled up brain, I have to try to keep people in their boxes and order. I mean, wife first, (fill in the blank) second, (fill in the blank) third, etc. Still along with me? So, with Aj in second, where did Z fit? I mean, I’ve been writing about her, thousands of words and a couple hundred posts, for over a year. That and we talk almost every day. I say her name to God every time I go to sleep. That’s a huge amount of emotional energy. I am learning emotional stuff as I go, right? So, my tiny brain was getting rattled and stressed because of that desire to prioritize. Baggage, right? I didn’t want to hurt Aj’s feelings by saying I love Z, too. Didn’t want to hurt Z by saying she’s less than Aj.  That’s the lesson. I can love someone. I can love an other someone. I love my wife. *editorial, MY WIFE is and will always be FIRST. She’s the only romantic love in my life and the only one I desire. Forever. Period.*…

Anyway, I learned, yesterday, to my great relief, after much agony and confusion and stress, that I didn’t have to take away from either Aj or Z. They can be tied. I can love Bacon and Rib-eye at the same time, even if they’re very different. *grins* To digress…again…to me, because of the baggage, food is security. Having enough to eat was not always something that occurred in my past. Thus the analogy…So, I don’t have to make someone I love second to someone else I love. Funny thing is, I told them and they were Aj, “Why would you ever have to choose?” and Z, “I told him the same thing yesterday,Aj. He doesn’t have to pick. Feels like how I feel about my kids. I love them all. I have no favorite.” Did I say I’m a bit dense? The best part is they know and love each other. *editorial, I really really stress hurting the feelings of the three women in this section*

*deep breath* I am un-stressed. Is that a word? Poor Z took the brunt of my confusion and over-thinking. I’d agonize and ramble at her trying to figure out where she was supposed to be. I’d try to talk around and work it through. I’d question MY motivation and who I wanted her to be and what place she belonged in. Ugh for her. I’d have smacked me. At least Aj didn’t have to put up with the nonsense, read bulls**t, that I subjected Z to. Lucky her. *grins* Sorry, Z.

I’m sure, very positively sure, there’s more crap buried in my skull that’ll come out in time. More years un-sober than sober leaves a big pile of manure to shovel out…


That last part is a good lead in to this…

This blog has been a year and a half long “love letter”. It has been about my love of my wife. It has been about how it’s possible to un-romantically love other people. It has been about my love of my faith and how it is possible for someone else’s love of their faith to strengthen mine. I’ve become a better Christian by knowing and loving a Pagan, Aj. It has been about how what society thinks of love has no effect on what love actually is. I love a woman. I watch Z, a “girl that likes girls” and KNOW that what gender she loves doesn’t amount to the tiniest difference. Gender doesn’t matter when it comes to love.

As sappy as it sounds, and yeah, I’ve written this, or something like it before, love is love. Being Pagan doesn’t change the love that one’s faith brings. Being gay doesn’t change the longing of the heart. It is neither a matter of quality or quantity. Nothing that either of them will ever do will make what I have inside my heart and soul worth less. Their paths and ways may be different than mine but, that’s all, just different.

Never let anyone convince you differently. Never believe the lie that says that “different is less”.


Yeah, I’m sure if I read back, I could find a post that’s similar to this one. I suppose that’s a good thing. It means that, for all my confusion and un-confusion, some views have remained fixed. It means that it’s ok to grow and it’s ok to stress out of care. It also means I haven’t changed how I feel or think. I still have my priorities straight. It also means I won’t have to decide who is more important. Rib-eye or Bacon? Bacon or Rib-eye? How ’bout a can of Dr Pepper and both? *grins* *inside joke, Aj and Z’ll get it and they’re the ones that matter* *grins again*

Hey guys, thanks for putting up with me and loving me back…

The Muse

This is a different kind of a post…There’s a group that I’m in. They seem to think I’m a “artist”. The task for this week is to “Introduce Your Muse”…

Here’s the deal, my Muse is a real person. Her name is Z. Yes, that is what I call her when we talk. I do not think of myself as “creative”. I tell the truth. I try to figure out ways to persuade and convince. I’m not writing fiction. I express my opinions and ideas. Nope, not a creative bone in my body. Artists create out of their imagination. I merely state the truth. I AM passionate because The Muse deserves it…

The Muse…A couple of years ago I had a friend, still do. I was watching the movement toward Marriage Equality gain momentum. I had a friend that I liked and admired, still do. I thought she was a “fellow traveler”. I was a lazy ally. I thought she was the same. You know the drill, post a meme, change a profile pic, make a comment or two, basically do something to show support without much effort. It turns out I was wrong. My fellow traveler was much closer to the issue…

The Muse…is a Lady named Z. She’s, like I’ve said a time or six *grins*, a veteran, a good mom, smarta$$, outspoken, sarcastic, smart, outdoorsey, brave, short *grins, I had to put that in* conservative, hard working, cute as a bug, athletic, likes to fish, a drinker of Tequila, Christian, honest, loyal, trustworthy, and a thousand other things. She also happens to be gay. See where that came in? Waaaay at the end we get to the gay part. She’s also my team mate when it comes to the blog.

The Muse…She encouraged me. I started a FB album. It still exists. You can go to the public part of my FB page and look at an album called “Important Stuff”. It’s fallen into disrepair because the blog exists. The Muse encouraged me, along with Aj *editorial, Aj is a different story for a different time*, to start this blog. The blog has sort of evolved…or maybe become more closely focused, into a blog about Citizens Rights, specifically, the rights of the LBGT community. It is simply that, although there are other issues that society needs to face, also, right now, the rights of the LBGT community are being both encouraged and pushed against. The Muse doesn’t deserve the latter and has earned the former.

I write because I have a conscience. I write because being indifferent feels like complicity. I write because it’s what I can do. I write because of The Muse. You see, for me, The Muse is a real person. I don’t use my imagination and so, I’m not an artist. I’m a friend. I rarely use the word love. There are few people that I say that to or about. In the most platonic way possible, she’s gay and I’m VERY FAITHFULLY married, I love The Muse. If I say and mean that, I have to write. I write because some people see one part of The Muse and use that to repress the whole of her. I write for The Muse because we all have some aspect of our selves that people do not like and that’s not a good enough reason to hate.

That’s it. That’s the short version of The Muse…

Equal Protection

Amendment XIV

Section 1.

All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside. No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.


The SCOTUS is finally going to take up the case for Marriage Equality. It is simple. No matter the arguments against it, it boils down to “are people being deprived of ‘equal protection’?” The answer is “yes, they are”. I know a very loving married couple. They are fiercely devoted to each other. They can not travel to Texas because their marriage is not valid here. If something were to happen, God forbid, to one or the other in a state that doesn’t recognize their marriage, the spouse would have no say in their medical treatment. That state of things is not “equal protection”. If something were to happen to my wife, no state would question my right to make decisions.

*editorial,I know I haven’t made as many posts as I should have, this year. That’s my bad. I digress.*

The fact that the couple, I mentioned, are a pair of Ladies makes no difference. It is no one’s place to judge the love of another. *caveat, as long as it doesn’t involve a minor and as adult* Just because someone is LBGT doesn’t make their love less than mine. It also doesn’t make my love for my wife worth less.

No matter your perceived religious belief, imposing them on an issue of civil rights is invalid. You should be protecting those that differ. If you do feel that you have a right to vote away rights, consider, you won’t always be a majority.


Anyway *sigh* it is personal. I’m not gay. I love my wife. Having said that, I truly enjoy watching the couple I was talking about. Z is gay. *yeah, you had to know she was going to be in this post* I want, for her, all of the things my wife and I have. I want, for that couple, the same protections that my wife and I have in every state. I don’t question the capacity for love that any of the Ladies I am talking about have. The issue is simple, either extend the same protections for my marriage to their’s or remove them from mine. Now, could we please get this done and move on?

Only the Second One This Year

Last year I wrote almost one of these a day during the part of the year this blog existed. I haven’t been near as prolific this year. *sigh* It isn’t that I don’t care, I’ve just run out of ideas. The basic concept of treating humans as equals no matter how they love or what their faith is, still remains important to me.

It isn’t that I don’t care, I’ve just run out of ideas. The basic concept of treating humans as equals no matter how they love or what their faith is, still remains important to me. I have the deepest affection for the people I write for, Aj and Z. I talk to them almost every day. I cherish their trust and love. I want every good thing this life…and the next hold for them. I just don’t know how to change the views of those people that don’t see what I see.

I’m not frustrated. I watch the Marriage Equality cases going forward. I see the SCOTUS not staying the lower courts rulings. I hope that means that they are not so cruel as to allow couples to get married and then to reverse those marriages. I watch cities in Texas, my home, passing laws making discrimination against the LBGT community illegal. I know Z has a “list” of places. It is rapidly becoming the time when Texas will be on the list.

The problem isn’t the majority of the humans in the USA that don’t care how others live their lives. The problem is the minority that don’t see humans as human. They have decided that they have a right to dictate who is deserving of the rights of citizenship. I don’t know a way to persuade them. *sigh again*

If you, my readers, or you, my friends, have any ideas, I’ll gladly welcome them. If you would care to lend your voice and guest write a post, I’ll take that, too. My wishes are simple, to find a way that Aj, and my Pagan friends, as well as Z, and my LBGT friends, are seen as the caring and valuable humans that I see. That’s really not too much to ask.

It Is Personal

The nice thing about having people in your life that you care about is that it gives you someone to want good things for. It allows you to have a reason to be happy when they have a good day or any other good thing happens to or for them. The downside is that you become frustrated when there are bad things or setbacks.

I believe that we speak up about “issues” only when they directly impact us. I’m cynical enough to think that is true for the majority of people, sorry.

Over the course of 2014, I have started and written this blog. It isn’t much. It is just some thoughts about my past, love, Religious Freedom and LBGT Rights. It is personal.

I love Z to pieces. I’ve said it before and probably will a few more times. *grins* She’s a “neat” lady. Pardon the dated expression. When I write these, I remember that she’s one of the “L’s” in LBGT. The rest of the time, she’s just Z. I truly enjoy the time we spend talking. We share a bunch of common interests and political views as well as both being Christians. My world is a better place for having her in it.

Z allows me to be an advocate for her. I’m not really her ally. That word doesn’t describe it the way I want it to. I rarely use the word “friend”. I never use it casually. Z is a friend.

LBGT Rights are a personal issue to me. I don’t get to be impatient since she isn’t. I have a trusted friend that deserves better than the way that some of society sees her and has decided she should be treated. I’ll keep writing because of that. I’ll beg and plead for people to see what I see. I’ll admire her character and try to show it to the world. I’ll hope for change and say my prayers. I’ll also owe whatever mechanism that put Z into my world a debt of gratitude. Perhaps that’s enough. It’s what I can do.