I didn’t set out to find a friend…much less a teacher. I was being a smart alec and rude. It was a stupid PvP game. How was I to know that, years later, the game would be gone and the friend remain? I wasn’t really looking for anything except for a foil to my inner smarta$$.
As much as I want, I can not wrap her in tissue paper and protect her like a china doll, nor would she want me to.
She puts up with my “antics”, fears, frustrations, missteps, poor phrasing, overthinking, rambles, and “scruffy” mind. She chides, cajoles, and forces me to think. Sometimes she tells me to go away…and that’s cool, too. I don’t even begin to know why. *She’s trying to teach me not to ask and I’m trying to learn that* I do know this, though, she loves me and that’s enough.
Sometimes, mostly, there aren’t really formal lessons. This isn’t school where its Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic. It’s more, I find out something by accident that I need to learn and she nudges me in the right direction…usually without me realizing it.
I’ve been writing this over a period of a few days because I really feel like having something for tomorrow and I don’t really have a clue. A wise woman told me that writing says, paraphrase, more about the writer than the subject. I agree. Sometimes *grins* I hope that writing in first-person isn’t saying “I’m a narcissist” *grins again* or “I’m just a big bag of neurotic wrapped in a nice old guy” *grins 3rd time*
Oh yeah, the title. Oops, almost forgot it. *editorial, I usually have a title before a post. It substitutes for an outline* It’s sort of rhetorical. I know how it happened. It happened because I did something I rarely do. I listened and found wisdom. I had an old mentor teach me that when wisdom appeared, don’t question your notions of the source, just accept it. Funny thing, I don’t think he, a “fundie” Christian, was talking about a Pagan woman a few years younger than me. *grins* I LOVE irony. *grins again* He’d flip if he knew that I was allowing myself to be taught by a woman…much less an un-believer…
So, here’s an other thought…Even though I call her “teacher”, and that is true, she’s really my best friend…and happens to teach me stuff. *editorial, sometimes that’s “sit down and shut up* She really just lives her life and answers my questions. Sometimes even when I drive her to distraction…
Some other thinking, I KNOW she doesn’t want “married” again. What I want for her is for someone, besides her children, to let her be the most important person in their world. I want, for her, hugs, security, comfort, sex, passion, and words like “I love you. I couldn’t imagine my life without you. You are the most beautiful woman in the world”. *editorial, in my view, the most beautiful woman in the world is the one you look at and see “forever”. I married mine* Those things are not too much to want for your best friend.
So, how did this happen? How did an uptight “fundie” come to think a Pagan wasn’t going to Hell? How did a smarta$$ wind up being best friends with a “target”? How did that morph into “teacher” all the while remaining best friend?
What I do know is this. All those silly “why” questions don’t matter. They’re a waste of energy. I’ll keep what I’ve got and enjoy it. I am a lucky guy. I have a best friend that is my wife…and I have a best friend that is not…and they both want the best for me.
Life is good…y’all have a nice day and I hope you have the same luck…